It comes down to context.

Today, Jason Ding, Laura Yang and Patrick Leung took me out to a few drinks and chit chat. That was awesome. As I am the ‘gift’ to my mom and my dad, my friends are my gift to me. That is all.

Albert may never realize this, but I valued his friendship greatly. I did look to him as one of my brothers. It didn’t take impulsiveness to ‘wipe away’ that label. It took a build-up experiences to rid him as that. Indeed, I think about what we had every now and then, but that is just that – sentimental memories.

I know Patrick mentions I should give him a call, but what he doesn’t realize is that a rooted friendship pulled out from the depths means a friendship that has been dug up. “Friendship” to me is shared vision, shared connection – a flow, even with our differences.

FIRST AND FOREMOST: I would like to address that NOT every American who can’t afford medical are are lazy. That is outright ignorance for those who believe this. Think and please think about this, because it’s not difficult. Americans who cannot afford medical care, aside from the lazy few are:

- students that are working low-paying jobs
- single moms that are working and going to school at the same time
- single dads that are working and going to school at the same time
- drop-outs that are working and living on his/her own
- individuals that have financial responsibilities such as supporting a mom, a dad, both parents, a grandparent, siblings, his/her boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband
- individuals that have acquired debt from a family member
- individuals whom have been tricked into burdening a debt from a ‘friend’, an associate, etc
- individuals whom have been trying to look for work in a fallen economy, whom do not have much training or post-sec
- individuals whom have brought up in a crappy neighborhood, being stereotyped or is experiencing racism which cannot find a job or has a job, but little future
- individuals whom are prone to get sick and can’t travel around readily
- individuals whom are working, but has past debts like a student loan

SECOND: The USA has one of the world’s most high-tech medical facilities and medicines available, BUT that sort of technology IS USELESS if NO ONE CAN AFFORD IT! Common sense no?

So many anti-UHC complainers have been trying to wreak havoc in debates saying that every individual should be responsible for his/her own health, that everyone else shouldn’t be responsible. You know what my rebuttal to that was?

I said, “Then why call yourself American? Why not just live in a constant state of anarchy? If all you’re doing is looking out for yourself, who cares about your neighbor, your friend, your colleague, your partner? You might as well build up a stone wall around your house, mount cannons in each corner and bar yourself from the outside world. Name your little piece of land and house your new country.”

Seriously, whenever an American cries foul on the UHC, I imagine some Hill Billy with a giant shotgun, firing off in the air and yelling complaints.

THIRD: THERE IS NO DEATH PANEL. Those like Sarah Palin who think Canada should devolve into private medical ‘care’ should not run for politics, let alone write books, even though it is in their freedom to. The scary thing is that there are people out there who support her erm, umm, ‘policies’…

I will repeat this: THERE ARE NO DEATH PANELS. There isn’t a committee of people who decides who lives and who dies. That sort of thing is a private personal matter. If your mom becomes a carrot for X years at a hospital bed, the family can decide to pull the plug on her ‘life’, after deliberations from medical professionals.

FOURTH: Some people like Sean Hannity have said that many Canadians go down to the USA to get medical treatment. That is true. However, what he DID NOT mention is that same Canadians that go down to the USA have their treatments CONTINUED back in Canada. ON TOP OF THAT, those same Canadians continue to HAVE Universal Health Care to fall back on. Americans on the other hand don’t have that option. When they get sick, they either deal with that sickness on their own or fork over a crap load of money to get treated. Also, many hospitals will deny a person, if that person doesn’t have insurance.

Indeed, Canadian hospitals have long waiting times for cancer treatment for example, but we have cancer treatment. In the USA, there isn’t much waiting time and do you know why? Because most people that need to be treated don’t go for treatments.

Think:

1) To treat and pay hundreds of thousands of dollars
2) Not to treat, possibly die

Which one is better? To pay off a loan you took for years, to pay your medical debt or to not get treated, continuously get worst and then possibly die in the end?

As I have said elsewhere, Canadians HAVE THE OPTION to get medical treatment outside of the country, but they WILL ALWAYS have something to fall back on back home. In the USA, most Americans who cannot afford treatment back home will most likely NOT go out of the country to get medical treatment. That means, many Americans who need medical treatment, can’t afford to go to one and have no medical treatment to fall back on. That is a triple fail: no money, no treatment, no fall-back plan. In Canada, emergencies get top priority and immediate care. Medical treatment is on a waiting list, but ALL Canadians have the option to go elsewhere for treatment. Americans don’t have options. Canadians do.

LASTLY: Stop mashing Communism and Socialism together with Universal Health Care! ALL democratic ideals have Socialist foundations. ALL OF THEM. Misinformed Americans I’ve debated with tell me that they are a Republic and not a democracy. Wow eh? Yes, the mechanics of their political system is a Republic, BUT your social structure is a democracy. Democracy comes in dozens and dozens of forms. ALL first world nations are Capitalist. ALL first world nations are Democratic. Canada, most of Europe, Australia are Socialist Democracies.

Many Americans have announced that President Obama is trying to bring Marxist Communism and Mao Communism into America. Wow, do they have spaghetti for brains or what? Which part of Canada, most of Europe and Australia look anything like Stalin Russia or Mao China?

It IS the USA that isn’t evolving with the rest of the industrialized nations. Many Republican supporters believe it is their constitutional right to fund their military, which apparently is MUCH MORE important than keeping American civilians healthy back home. It is fine to fund the military which wages war on foreign soil, but it isn’t okay to fund an universal health care, which civilians need for their basic survival. It is okay to go kill people with guns and other war machines on foreign soil, but it isn’t okay to give American citizens health care.

My most consistent thought, throughout this entire anti-Obama and anti-UHC lameness has been my sighing.

Finally: Indeed, Universal Health Care can be reworked, improved on, but you can’t improve on something if you don’t already have it. Canada’s Universal Health Care CAN BE improved on, but in the USA, Americans will continue to live in that state of pre-industrialization, with only a sense of selfishness and paranoia.

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Added 2010/01/20: Brock Lesnar slams Health Care in Canada

News link: http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/100120/sports/mma_ufc_lesnar_comeback

The UFC fighter didn’t actually say anything about Universal Health Care at all. All he had been doing was tap dance around the ‘problem’ he received while at the Canadian hospital. Did he care to mention how much it cost him to get treated back in the USA? Did he care to mention that he is NOT a Canadian citizen being treated at a Canadian hospital? He DID however, mention that the particular unnamed hospital had equipment failures and wasn’t able to treat him.

So tell me Mr. Lesnar, what has Canada’s Universal Health Care have ANYTHING to do with you being an American citizen having to go to an unnamed hospital for treatment while having an equipment failure? If you’re basing Canada’s UHC on equipment failure for one particular unnamed hospital, then let’s look at all the Americans suffering BECAUSE they can’t afford health care at their local hospitals.

Don’t mislead people by thinking a specific incident like this has anything to do with Universal Health Care. I was in a car/bike accident when I was a teenager. They stuck me into emergency care and within a couple of hours, I was being worked on. My bill was paid by the unified tax payers. How much was your bill Mr. Lesnar?

Do they NOT know that the “S” in “RTS” stands for “Strategy”?

Anyway, as far back as I could remember, I felt Starcraft and Warcraft to be hollow. Indeed, they looked nice for their time and the in-game sequences were nice. The unit upgrades were cool too and the role-playing element in WC3 was neat, but I could never find them interesting, as if they lacked substance. Which by the way, lore and substance may go hand in hand, but they are not necessarily the same thing.

In short: Starcraft is a top-down point and click action game disguised to look like a real time strategy game. You win games in Starcraft and Warcraft by zerging your opponent. That’s it. Okay, I’ll give them SOME credit – a LITTLE strategy is involved like the timing of a jump in Super Mario 3. However, if you compare it to games like C&C Generals, it falls flat in the Strategy genre. In my books, Starcraft and Warcraft are top notch ACTION games, but as far as Strategy goes, you may find ‘more’ strategy in picking your nose.

One of my favorite tunes. “Creep” by Radiohead.

My mind, my heart is like this song. Even the lyrics.

I think unlike my friends, I have grown cold to the idea of helping others. The lingering desire is still there. I am still human. However, being so far out, so foreign to social humans, I am like an ancient wasp, defrosted from an eon of sleep. Large and ugly, with spikes and huge eyes, huge fuzzy wings and large jagged pincers. It’s amazing humans allow me to live. I’m almost surprised that humans haven’t formed a huge mob to come strike me to death.

Amazing isn’t it?

I haven’t touched Cockburn Port for a few weeks now, but about 15 minutes ago, I just needed it and I downed two shots. I feel fucking great, but you know what? I need to drop into bed in less than 15 minutes.

I hate World of Warcraft, but I hate it as much as I love it.

I started talking with Patrick recently, sharing my thoughts. Right now, they are on a second onion layer of thoughts and emotions, but in time, I will ease him in there. Sometimes, I think back on the nights I’ve shared my thoughts with Albert and wonder if I can take any of my friends now to those depths. The problem is how I perceive the social perceptions of my current friends. I ‘test’ them constantly and unfortunately, they have over and over again told me they are one with common society.

Patrick asked me a couple of nights ago if I missed Albert and Jenny. I told him that I missed our moments, moments in our past, but I don’t miss them as they have become now. My mom asked me a few weeks ago if I would seek Albert out again and I told her that I cannot be friends with ill-tempered petty controlling people.

When Jason expressed his ill-temper last Wednesday, over what I perceived as unreasonable and lopsided at the time, it reminded me of Albert. That completely went away when he apologized to me. Which is something Albert has never done sincerely. He has only done regretfully, but to mean it, was another thing.

I look back on the last ten years and I kept thinking about Jessica. I think our friendship was pretty tight, but I was immature and too complicated. I developed a crush on her and as Michelle had pointed out before, I found ways to go screw it up and I did.

I think a perfect intimate relationship for me is if the situation divided us, therefore, separating us mutually. I’m pretty sure I am incapable of long term intimate relationships, because I would eventually scare or irritate my lover away. Seriously, I’m in the wrong business. I want to be a race car driver. I want to be a super bike racer. I want to be a fighter pilot. I want to be fast and free. Maybe in my next life time, if there is one. Maybe what I have no learned in this life time, I can learn in my next.

There is one person I constantly think about as someone I can truly share my thoughts to, without receiving social judgment and she is Kristl Buckland. She is someone who has a very personal relationship with the universe. However, she is not my confidant – one of, but not THE one. I think ultimately, THE one is non-existing. Especially, not with my current position.

I wonder though, if Jason has noticed… If he has noticed that he’s standing still while everyone else as one group is moving to some place else right? Maybe. Maybe I give him too much credit, but he remind me of me in many ways, minus the temper, minus the close-to-six-figures-you-make, minus the Catholic background, minus the Jesus-loving freak part, minus the Korean girl fetish and minus the burnt knees…

I constantly see this. I can’t name names here, because it’s lame if I do, but it’s constantly on my mind. Evolution of the community. Lovely. Fucking lovely.

Time for bed.

I just noticed this a few minutes ago, while moderating Thottbot and thought, “Hey, that’s pretty cool. Is that TD Canada recognizing gay couples in Canada? That is really nice.”

I just wanted to share that with you lot. It could be interpreted differently – great friends, brothers, etc, but I interpret it as two gay men, a couple. Awesome.

After that, I fell completely asleep around 8am, woke up to my 9:51am alarm, drove my dad to work, called in sick again. Yeah, three days straight.

I had a dream, a very interesting intuition-induced dream. One I have not had for a very long time. These are the sort of dreams where people of religion interpret it as their god(s) speaking to them. My interpretation is simple and has been for the last twenty years. I call them “intuition-induced dreams”. They are dreams that initiate a phase to allow me to rid excess and concentrate on the core.

Today’s dream put me into a warehouse where there were derelict arcade machines, a pool table and an older computer. The warehouse was next to the docks, next to the ocean or river or lake. My cousin Brandon came over to visit me, but I was very tired and wanted my own time. So I tried locking myself up in the warehouse, but he managed to get in with his sister behind him, along with another woman, a bit older, wearing a conservatively longer skirt, glasses, a bluish blouse, with her bluish hair tied up. I did not recognize her, but she did resembled Grace O’Connor.

After some vague events, I ended up at a garden, much like the ones around QE Park and Kristl was there. I ended up hugging her and somehow, fell on top of her, while still hugging. I noticed one considerable difference in that hug versus the hugs I’ve made in reality. Foremost, her breasts were slightly larger and rounder in my dream. They were also quite nice and firm. This was something specific I noticed from my dream. Second, as I laid on top of her, I actually felt very uncomfortable because I am at my second week after my shot and this meant I would be very turned on by just the closeness and touch of another girl. Yet, she didn’t seem to mind at all and I think that’s the thing, especially and very specifically with Kristl.

To elaborate, I have always seen and connected with Kristl on a completely different level, especially comparing with my connections with ALL of my other female friends. I’ve mentioned this before and I will mention it again; Kristl is a very comfortable person to be with, especially on a one-on-one rendezvous. Her words are inspiring and her mind is something I can adore.

One thing that have stuck with me for I think will be the rest of my life, possibly into my next life, is that she once said that she is happy that no matter what happens between us, everything will always be good and the same. She’s completely correct. Mind you, I have not seen her for about a year and a half now, due to a vast list of reasons, but ultimately, it is simply because I am selfishly trying not to dilute myself any further, as I did in 2006, 2007 and 2008. This year was my year for meditation. I enjoy and honor my friendship with her and hope she would accept that, until hopefully, the near future where I will see her again.

This may be strange to the bulk of you, but it takes more freed mental sockets to connect with those that can connect with me on a spiritual sense. Those that cannot connect with me on a completely spiritual sense, but still can connect with me beyond the surface, takes only energy. “Freed mental sockets” means, I clear way for the other person’s own thoughts, to be shared with me. It’s like the uncommon wine and dine of exquisite foods and liquor.

ANYWAY, so back to the dream, I laid on top of her, hugging her and she asked me what it was that I needed. I was afraid of moving around in that position because if I were to move around in any way, something ‘odd’ may develop below, so I remembered I moved very very very very little and concentrated on her question. It took me awhile to answer because I answered completely genuinely, sub-consciously knowing that I was actually dreaming, that I was actually really talking with myself.

The first thing of two things I said was, “I need sex.” I did not give any reasons as to why I needed sex. She brushed the back of my head and I continued, “The other thing I really need is love, but my core is emptied.” At that moment, I imagined the blackened peaks of Black Tusk or The Lions, without the snow and ice and as I elaborated on that, I continued to imagined the peak of those mountains. I told her, “It was once green and lush, at my core.” At this moment, I imagined the peak of that mountain covered with greenery. “However, now, it’s bare and empty.”

I stopped for a bit as I noticed that she nodded slightly and gave me a tighter hug, then I continued, “I know that I can regrow that lushness again, but that means I will have to change myself.” At this point, Kristl shook her head in disagreement, but at the same time, I quickly ‘corrected’ myself, “I mean, not change but add new. Add more possibly.” At this point, she nodded slightly again and I continued, “I know what I can do to make it all green again, if that means to add something new to my life.”

Throughout this entire experience, while answering her question, I also thought about a ‘mind meld’ that Kristl did with me just as we fell down in the beginning. For a brief moment, she went into my mind and saw what I was struggling with. For a moment there, she had a complete connection with me, no walls, no barriers. Therefore, she verbally asked me that question. She knew what I needed, but wanted me to say it.

In reality, Kristl represents my core. My core knows what I want, how to achieve what I want and most of the major steps in doing them. The fact that I was holding her in that intimate position, was because my core is me, at the rawness of my very being – that I try not to put emphasize on, but apparently, ‘Kristl’ had simply reached out to me – my core reached out to me, to tell me that I can’t just brush it aside.

Now to clarify with my other friends, the way I see Kristl, as in the human person, is not simply another female nor just another friend. I have not yet developed enough of a relationship with Kristl, but I can almost apply a fictional metaphor to it. Guinan in Star Trek lore is Kristl and John Luc Picard is me. Not nearly as ancient, but that’s the way I feel. Indeed, I do have sexual attraction towards her, but know that I am a human male with the intricacies of the human male mind and bodily functions. However, as said, it is on a completely different level, at least I surmise as that. To clarify, it means I react to the sexual aspect as I naturally should. I don’t react to it because I want to sleep with her, which her brother thought.

I have to admit though, when Tom asked me suddenly out of the blue, my response was so messed up. I was obviously not prepared. I remembered I mentioned this with one of my other friends and he was like, “Man, that’s funny. I can see how you sound insincere, even if you were.” [sighs and laughs]

Anyhow, the dream is quite empowering, even on a soft note. The last time I had an intuition-induced dream was over a year ago, maybe even two years ago.

A few minutes ago, I visited a site I frequent for Chinese TVB-related torrents and saw a tiny blurb that read: “Please click my sponsored ads. It will help with the monthly costs, else this site might not be here tomorrow.”

THAT is a very misleading statement. Now, I’ve worked in the web and creative production industry for ten years and I currently have five ongoing projects, three of which are personal. I KNOW that running a personal web site DOES NOT cost a lot of money. If it does, those people aren’t buying from the ‘right’ places. Right now, the only web project that is costing me a little more than the rest is Leemanism.com. The domain name costs me about $10 per year. The hosting is through GoDaddy and that costs me about $35 per year with 300 gigabytes of transfers per month and a total of 10 gigs of hosting space. Now, considering these other personal web sites that hold basic graphical data and no actual downloadable data, I call BS that really takes that much money to run their web sites.

As you can clearly see, I have absolutely NO ads on my web site. If I can’t afford $45 per year, why the heck would I even have a web site in the first place, let alone internet? So those people who run personal web sites and ask people to click their ads because they can’t ‘afford’ to run them is spouting BS. However, again, unless they are buying over-priced hosting and domain registrations, their web sites shouldn’t cost much to run. In fact, my other two personal web site projects costs me $1/month in hosting and the service is almost as good as GoDaddy.

Now for those fools who are paying an arm and a leg for your hosting. Either go to http://www.godaddy.com and buy their Economy Hosting for $35/year or go to http://www.webhostingworld.net and buy their Bronze Magic plan for $12/year. As far as domain registration goes:

1) Google: Godaddy coupon dealtaker – click on the first one. Note the coupon for the .com domain registration and copy the code.
2) Go to GoDaddy.com and go through the registration for your domain name.
3) Don’t forget to apply the coupon code to your order before you check out.

I suggest you do 5 or 10 years at a time, to save more. Then after that, all it takes a little internet domain-hook-up knowledge and BOOM, you’re good to go. If you want your own blog on your own site, go to WordPress.org and download their FREE web app. Use FileZilla to upload the files. Use GIMP to edit your images. You will be doing all the PHP/HTML editing through the Content Management System (CMS) in WordPress.