Lots of work tonight. [sighs] So I read a thread posted by an 18-21 Ms. Anon just now with the following:
Hi. I have been together with my boyfriend for almost two years. When we first started going out, he was really sweet and attentive. And now some things have really started to change. He doesn’t kiss me anymore unless we are having sex, he never compliments me on anything, and he never tells me that he loves me unless i say it first. However, he does big things for me like takes me on vacation and buys really nice gifts for me at holiday times. Although i really do appreciate all of that stuff, to me, the small things are equally, if not more, important. I try to tell him that i love him very often, and kiss him all of te time. I have tried bringing this up to him, but he basically says in response is “how can you even say that when i do so much for you”. I dont feel loved by him anymore, and the big things dont make up for it. Please help me.
Aside from the three previous aunts giving their tidbits of the usual “talk with him” which is actually all she can really do on a positive note, I replied:
Does he work? Is he already stabilized in his career?
Sometimes… No, often, we work our asses off either mentally and/or physically in our careers that it drains most, if not all of our energies. Sure, we want to do this and that for our lovers, but sometimes we’re hoping that your partners would understand a bit more for what we’re going through. The big things are the things we wish to give to our partners based on the successes of our careers. It is also something we can do all at once at the end of a long awaited period of hardships and stress. There’s no better person to go out on a nice vacation than with our partners.
Sometimes, we are inconsiderate if you mention that you want all the little things too, like texting you saying “I miss you, been thinking about you all day” or go over and cook dinner together then watch a movie, etc. Please try to understand that at the back of our minds and well within the surface of our hearts, we want to do those things, but little things add up and then they swarm us and vice versa – having work add up and swarm us. It’s a never ending cycle.
Traditionally, guys want to do more, are most ambitious, and wish to provide everything or most of the things. Sometimes not only do we desire the constant love and comfort our partners can give us, but we would also like to believe they can be our refuge as well. Yes, this doesn’t sound very contemporary nor does it sound positive in the sense of being selfless, but that’s who we are.
When we get older, possibly married with you, possibly have kids of our own, sometimes at the office, we would think back on those times and then maybe over the weekend, we’ll think of something to surprise you with – something simple. Maybe a drive out to central park, have a walk around, and talk about your dreams, your thoughts, and my sincerely apologies for making you be patient with us all these years.
What do you all think?