Archive for 'Enlightenment'
Just Be
June 17, 2010 by Leeman, under Enlightenment, Friendship.
Tune: “Just Be” by Tiesto
Drink: Green Tea
Mood: Horny
The lyrics to this song goes like this:
You can travel the world
But you can’t run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
If you’re searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can see
Just be
At my core, I am still the same person I’ve been all these decades. The only things that has changed is what I look like and the refinement of my character. I went from running away from my parents and all those that didn’t understand me, to standing my ground and understanding others. In turn, this refortified my beliefs, my principles and got rid of the unnecessary factors of pride. My parents support me, even though they will never truly understand me. I don’t need anyone to understand me. I just need to understand myself and those that are around me to accept me for who I am.
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I Am What I Am
March 12, 2010 by Leeman, under Enlightenment.
Mood: Reflecting, pulling myself back out of the grave I have been digging for myself
Drink: A shot of Glenfiddich would be nice right about now
Tune: “I Am What I Am” by OceanLab
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“Stop making excuses for your own failures.” -me
Patrick had asked me questions pertaining to what my motivation in life is, how I can keep going in the face of so many obstructions and pick myself up, even after falling down so hard. I don’t think I was ever able to give him a good proper answer. This song pretty much sums up my beliefs – ones that have naturally integrated itself into my very being, for years. (more…)
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Bread Crumbs
February 18, 2010 by Leeman, under Enlightenment.
Mood: A wee bit anxious.
Drink: Les Combelles Cotes Du Rhone 2006
Tune: “It’s natural to be afraid” by Explosions in the Sky
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How do you expect to refine the future, if you keep trying to delete your past?
Like my blog that I started back in March 2006, there has been many times, countless times I wanted to delete it all and restart anew. Many times that I had actually closed down the site, but reopened it the next day. I didn’t like the idea that people would see me for who I was, at my weakest, at the times when I was ‘too’ outspoken and even brash. Alas, my blog is intact and it would make it four years old next month.
You know what shines in the future? It is not the money shot, nor the greatest award winning piece of artwork I might produce. What shines in the future is all that I have experienced in the past. It is in that past that shows me what I am capable of and what I can continue to exceed in. My past is the lighthouse in which it shows me the way.
My past refines my future, as it defines who I am at this moment in time. Without that history which makes me Leeman, I am but a blank canvas, empty and lost.
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Woken up
January 21, 2010 by Leeman, under Enlightenment, Love Economics.
Suddenly, you realize that was it, that was just it and you wake up.
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What I need
December 3, 2009 by Leeman, under Bunches Of Oats, Dreams, Enlightenment, Friendship, Love Economics, Realization, Sex.
Last night, I had one too many, though it wasn’t that bad actually. After the club, Pat and I went to #9. Adam came later. I got home just after 2:30am. I apparently crashed in bed, half asleep but at 3:49am, I receive a call from Kari whom I haven’t spoken to for a long time. Now, since after 2003, the only times she ever called me was because she was upset. I picked up after three buzzes and one of the first things I asked was whether she was sad, then her voice broke up. Unfortunately, she hung up on me about 20 minutes into the conversation and instead, texted me for the next roughly 30 minutes. It was fine. She needed a friend to talk with and I was there… Oh sorry, “to talk to” I mean. Not with. ^_^
After that, I fell completely asleep around 8am, woke up to my 9:51am alarm, drove my dad to work, called in sick again. Yeah, three days straight.
I had a dream, a very interesting intuition-induced dream. One I have not had for a very long time. These are the sort of dreams where people of religion interpret it as their god(s) speaking to them. My interpretation is simple and has been for the last twenty years. I call them “intuition-induced dreams”. They are dreams that initiate a phase to allow me to rid excess and concentrate on the core. (more…)
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The Universe from Nothing
October 26, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment.
An awesome video lecture on the creation of the universe by Lawrence Krauss. Jon, you will probably have an interest in this.
My favorite two quotes out of the entire video (17:19): “So forget Jesus. The stars died, so that you could be here today.” and at the end of the video, “We will be lonely and ignorant, but dominant.”
Though parts of the video ‘makes fun’ of religion, the video is not about being anti-religion, though it can be interpreted that way, since religion such as Christianity is based on creationist ideals. The focus of the video is a working theory on how the universe is being formed. As some of you may noticed, I used “is” instead of “was”. You will realize why I use a present tense rather than a past tense as you watch the video.
What’s really interesting is the mathematics of infinity. It seems like the calculations of infinity is largely based around patterns and sequences, which make up the ‘working theories’ in how things may work the way they do. Then again, much of mathematics without definite answers are based on patterns and sequences that balance both ‘sides’ of the equation out.could
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Lost Meaning
October 2, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment, Friendship.
As per my message to Spongey yesterday, all of my entries for the month of October will showcase an entry header picture of my Spore Creature Creations. This image here is of an ancient creature known scientifically as a Leemanis. It resembles a prehistoric cat that screeches like a chimpanzee. It can’t really fly though. Those wings allow it to leap off tall things and glide over safely.
For the month of November, I’ll be showcasing images from my journeys into Aion as an Asmodian and then December, I’ll be showing images from Eve as a Minmater Special Forces captain.
Anyway, since my last entry, apparently it was obvious that my simplified thoughts are being interpreted differently. When some of my friends asked me in the past, “Why don’t you share your thoughts with us?” I had a good reason not to. If I under-explain my thoughts, misinterpretation happens. If I over-explain my thoughts, people get confused. If I use certain words, some people may translate that as being ‘hurtful’ or ‘condescending’. (more…)
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I wish…
September 24, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment, Friendship, Love Economics, Road Biking.
…you can hear, see, feel what I hear, see and feel. Obviously, who really knows how to respond to entries like this?
At one time, it was almost nice to have a student actually listen to me, but I was no mentor. Far from. In his perspective, yes. In mine; I was far from being eternal. With modesty aside, even if my perspective transcended humanity, I still resided in a human perspective.
Tonight, I drink alone again. Sake cups my brother got me for my 30th birthday with Port, cheap Port, but Port nevertheless. I contemplated the Taylor Fladgate Special Reserve I usually indulge in or the Cape Ruby. I got the Cape Ruby. Half the price, half the taste, but it does its job.
Indeed, I have cheapened my worth, aside from social protocol. [sigh] Social protocol.
There is so much I want to say, but I don’t think my blog here deserves to see my words. I need someone to share a bottle of Port with, that I can trust my mind to… Trust… Not trust. No, rather, to be able to swim in it. It saddens me that as I grow older, I realize that no one can swim in it as I do. Everyone else, simply, tries to fish it up.
Fish die out of the water. (more…)
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Bacardi Rum, Aged 8 Years
September 16, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment, Friendship.
So I start this journal entry with a bottle of Bacardi Rum, aged 8 years. The picture here is of two sake cups, filled with this rum. I toast Melvin for wherever he may be, that in our next life time, may we come back as cats. Cheers. (more…)
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Pulse
September 7, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment.
I have had at least one other entry with the same name in version 1 of my blog. I actually miss that version of my blog. It was when I was filling it up with a myriad of thoughts – from uber sensitivity and mushiness all the way to brash humor. It really represented me. These days, I’ve mellowed down so much. Yet, I want to speak out and I decide that yet again, I’m holding myself back.
Last night, I engaged in a short conversation with a stranger on MSN who pointed out that I was stupid to let my parents take 75% of my income. That I should have my own life and laughed at me, that I live with my parents. She even pointed out that I have “martyr syndrome”. I told her that many westernized individuals who do not have much strong ties with their families often think of themselves before others. Her way of thinking reminded me of the Republican and anti-Obama ignoramus that are against universal health care. Like my previous entry, humanity might as well die out now as it stands. (Un)Fortunately, I do still care for the little we have – the handful that are dear to me.
Once, I stood at a point where I was really serious about life, that fun was simply not a part of the equation. Nowadays, I almost live out this illusion. (more…)
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Outside, Peering in
September 6, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment.
There are certain feelings I will never have back. It is not a matter of trying.
Lately, I’ve been spending quite some time with one of my friends. I’ve noticed that we have some similarities as well as vast differences. For example, similarities would be how we both find satisfaction in knowing/seeing others gain a certain personal upgrade or achievement. Vast differences being that he is socially connected and I being socially disconnected. However, with that being said, like me, he is aware that we do not particularly want to belong to any particular clique. Furthering that though, I don’t belong to any particular cliques, but he does by phasing in and out of them.
He has social protocol that he stands by, where as the only social protocol I care about are those related to those immediate to me. The concept of “common courtesy” is a new ideal for me, when it comes to ‘protecting’ oneself from allowing others to find out whom they ‘really’ are, though what he really is compared to what he shows to the bulk isn’t really that different. It’s a matter of hiding certain shades. (more…)
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Reality
May 25, 2009 by Leeman, under Enlightenment.
Erica has aided in heightening my perception of reality. I was aware of the idea years before, but it didn’t quite occur to me until very recently that there is no universally shared reality. Reality is relative to the person perceiving it. Reality incorporates three things: perception, process and conclusion. Within the layer of process, a person goes through a rapid filtering of ideas influenced by emotions, upbringing, past experiences, witness to external factors and moods of the moment.
This has made me realize that my reality is different than the reality of others. What sparked it off was when Erica was explaining the nth time to me about her reality of our situation or rather, her situation. This particular thought sparked just now, a few moments ago before I decided to enter this entry, that though we both are living in reality, the reality we both live in are not the same, even if the awareness factor of reality was there from the beginning. Her capabilities share her reality and so does mine. Just because I can see it happening, she might not due to the situations that hinder our realities.
This realization of reality has also broadened my awareness and perception of other subjects such as religion/faith, lifestyles and even relationships with people and things. If only there are people in this world that share this heightened awareness and perception with me.
Unity and progression by ridding excess.
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