Quiet Mourning

Well my G-Ma passed away last morning. No one was ever close to her, but she was someone I admired and respected due to the hardships of raising 7 kids on her own during the 1940’s to 1970’s. I am glad my mom saw her just a little over a month ago and got spend some time together. For so long, I worried that my mom wouldn’t be able to take it, considering how she normally is, but at the end, she ‘shrugged’ it off saying it’s sad, but decades has passed and life gets tiring for the old. It’s [Read More…]

Zoomed out, way out

I’m sure many people have come to a point in their relationships where they wonder where it’s going and wonder where their partners place them in the bigger picture of things. In my years playing the flirtation and intimacy game, this one thing has never crossed my mind until my relationship with Amber. More frequently, this one thing hasn’t crossed my mind more clearly until the recent months. On one hand, I have my pride and past glory. On the other, I have submitted to the very thing I despise. People might think that pride is just unnecessary personal ego [Read More…]

Madhu actually wished me a happy birthday!

Just 6 minutes of fun fun fun! Bonus points to where “fun fun fun!” came from. That annoyed me every single dinner time for that one week. Oops, I want to apologize for the terrible audio quality. My mic’s volume was too high and so there is a lot of cracking noise. So turn down your volume before you press play. [flv:http://swollencheeks.com/wp-content/uploads/20130113_thanksmadhu.flv 600 450]

The Bunches of Oats

It’s amazing how long I’ve had this category on the side. It’s named after a cereal that I remember from my youth. Shaddup Pat! It means from the 1980’s and 1990’s! So I have wanted to do this for years now, but never got around doing it and honestly, never felt like I truly wanted to until recently. More specifically until this hour when it’s way passed my bed time. Ah phooey! Here is a list of the people I’ll be talking about over the next few weeks. In no particular order: – Laura Y. – Jon T. – Thomas [Read More…]

Right Click when it Bloops

I know it has been a SUPER DUPER long time since I posted an entry, let alone a fun entry. Yeah, I did away with the log-in. That is why if it seems you need your comments to be approved first, it’s because the system didn’t recognize you as a member. Fortunately, so long as you use the same email when you post, your second and future comments will automatically be approved. Anyway, this entry will be a mix of my thoughts and feelings, as well as some fun stuff that happened recently. Let’s start off with a few pictures [Read More…]

My dreams are growing old

Erica was worried and had emailed me a few weeks ago asking where my blog went and what happened to me. I gave her a vague answer and restored my blog yesterday. I get into bouts of uncertainty and wish to ‘end it all’ from time to time. Fortunately, I am not as impulsive as I once was, but I am still impulsive at times. Tune: “The Truth” by Headstrong feat. Tiff Lacey (Reuben Halsey Chillout Remix) Mood: Tired Drink: Catnip tea with some honey [audio:TheTruth.mp3] The lyrics to this song goes like this: If the truth be told I [Read More…]

I remembered

Parts of that night came back to me. That night that I was drunk again for the first time in a long time. I cannot control my emotions when I am drunk. Uncle Dick mentioned it that night “Enough alcohol for this guy.” He’s seen me drunk before and he knew if I drank more, bad news would ensue and it did. Tune: “Match Me” by Sky To Speak Mood: Sleepy and sad Drink: Tropicana Orange Juice without pulp unfortunately [audio:SkyToSpeak-MatchMe.mp3] She was hyper and happy and she checked out the local clubs she wanted to go to. I didn’t [Read More…]

I don’t know what to do

One pet peeve that annoys the crap out of me is when I hear or see someone say “I dont know what to do”. For minor things, maybe or maybe very complicated issues, then I can accept it, but for most of everything else, there is always something to do about it. You just need to think about your options. Indeed, if you restrict yourself so much that nothing seems possible, then it seems like there are no options, but there are always options. You just need to make certain sacrifices to achieve them. That’s all. A few days ago, [Read More…]

The Eternal Asshole

More often than not, when I am stressed out or moody, people stop prodding me and actually go into a proactive mode to counter my moodiness. I think most of my friends do a wonderful job of this. My mom has improved a lot over the years too, but she has an unfair handicap of course, considering she is my mom, thus having a lot more experiences on dealing with me. Tune: “All is full of love” by Bjork Mood: A bit upset, very stressed, tired Drink: Choko Tea [audio:allisfulloflove.mp3] A major problem between Amber and I is that she [Read More…]

To feel welcomed

One thing that has been on the back of my mind for awhile now has been Amber’s situation at home in Germany with her family. Over the last year and a half, I found out she went through a complicated childhood and that persists through her early adulthood now. It’s annoying knowing that she has very superficial support from her family there. It seems like Amber tries her best to make the most out of a failed relationship with her family. Tune: “Pagan Poetry” by Bjork Mood: Slightly overworked Drink: Some sort of herbal tea [audio:PaganPoetry.mp3] She has told me [Read More…]


Laura has brought to my attention a terrifying realization… But I don’t remember it. Ah my short term memory is NON-EXISTING!!! And on that bombshell: doesn’t the Fake Baby Eating Cannibal resemble Jonathan of the Tsang Kingdom? DON’T THEY LOOK LIKE BROTHERS?!?!?! Coincidence? I THINK NOT! O_O

The Guest’s Rudeness

One of the most mind boggling things I have come across is when someone tells me they can’t do something in someone else’s house because it’s rude to do so. I am specifically talking about some of the most mundane things. Take Jason for example. He’s staying at his uncle’s place in Calgary. Jason was given a chance to find work and stay with his uncle in Calgary and as such, has found a great job all thanks to his uncle giving him a place to crash. His uncle’s family is a religious family and they go to church multiple [Read More…]

Inspiring the heart

There isn’t much that inspires me these days, let alone motivate me, but I keep going regardless. Amber and I very recently had a conversation about the fear of getting through all the things one strive for, just to turn around and find that you’re standing right next to the edge of a very deep crater. Maybe in her eyes, there is nothing much to look forward to besides being together with me, but in my eyes, I know that death awaits all of us and that’s just a matter of time. However, before you think that I am going [Read More…]

Something to remind me

This is my favorite scene in the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” and every time I see this scene, I am reminded of a future with Amber. It also makes me think of Jonathan and Martine as well. Tune: “Hair like snow” by Jay Chou Drink: Green tea Mood: A bit depressed [audio:hairlikesnow.mp3] Madhu recently told me that each individual is responsible for their own outlook in life, aka their own happiness and I agree with this. However, she missed my point in the part about others cheering me up. The point was that others recognized my stress [Read More…]

Amber, a new dawn

As she finally takes the reigns to get herself on track and change her stride for the better, I will be here to support her and cheer her on and be right behind her when she feels she is going to regress. I find that people often fall really far down when no one is there to help them bounce back up. Hopefully, she can continue to better herself and make herself stand out as a light house on her own path. I’ll just be the guy who goes into her every now and then to check if everything is [Read More…]


Tune: “Halo” (world tour version) by Beyonce Drink: Root Beer Mood: A bit heart broken A few weeks ago, I happened upon a song by Beyonce while I was searching for a completely different song, thinking this was the one. It resulted in me listening to it for over 2 days straight. It’s a powerful song with a powerful tune, especially the world tour version where she sings it live. This song could be used by religious people and it could also be used by those involved in a romantic relationship. It can also be used by those whom have [Read More…]

I crown myself incompetent

Tune: “Halo” by Beyonce Drink: Honey Tea Mood: Mixed, but passionate and somewhat enlightened [audio:Beyonce_-_Halo.mp3] A long time ago, an ex intimate companion told me she met a guy who told her that he’s not a fighter but a lover and this made her laugh in a good way. At the time, I smirked a little and thought, I’m exactly the opposite. One of the first things I told Albert since he and I reunited over a decade ago was what I would like to do for the world if I had that wealth, power and influence. I wanted to [Read More…]