Category: Skin Deep

Happy 9th!

Happy 9th!

The Chinese count the day you’re born as your first year and not as day zero. The reason has to do with your time being developed into a human baby inside the mother. Of course, that’s only about 9 months, but it’s something like that. So this blog has aged 9 years since yesterday. I didn’t post it up yesterday, since I was doing work all day and being restless at the same time. It’s hard getting into work mode when I have so much on my mind and so little time. Regardless, it has been 9 years since I [Read More…]

The real patriot

The real patriot

Last Monday, I went in for my follow up after my gallbladder removal surgery four weeks prior. While waiting at the office of the specialist and surgeon, a Caucasian man in what looked to be in his 70’s or 80’s walked in and asked the secretary if a specific doctor was in. She told him that the doctor left and went into medical practice in the USA. The guy then snorted and said he couldn’t blame him for leaving this country. He even said that it was better that doctor left for the US, since it’s much better there. I [Read More…]

Since I was young, I knew I’d find you

Since I was young, I knew I’d find you

At the end of 2013, our company received a project that would yield enough income to do the Permanent Resident papers to bring my wife over to live with me in Canada. A month went by and the client wanted to redo the entire design of the site. So I spent countless hours and days doing the site he wanted just so he could go MIA on us. Then a couple of weeks went by and I was contacted by someone from the client’s company. To make a long and angry story short, the client lead us along for ten [Read More…]

Thanks for going through life with me

Thanks for going through life with me

In about 9.5 hours, I’ll be lying on an operating table having my gall bladder removed. It has been with me since before I was born and has helped my body break down fats and oils for nearly 36 years. I don’t know what it looks like inside of me, besides the diagrams in the info pamphlet, but it has been a part of my entire life so far. So it is sad to depart with it, even if it contains an illness. There was a time in the recent past I thought of asking the surgeon if I could [Read More…]

1945

1945

1945 August 15th was the day Emperor Hirohito of Imperial Japan officially surrendered and Hong Kong was liberated. 1946 was the year my dad was born. Often times, I think of the old photos my family had shared with me and I think back on those days when Hong Kong was mostly ocean and farmland. When the village where my dad was raised in was in its simpler days, when the river touched its borders. One of my uncles has a painting of one of our ancestors hanging in the den of his house. An Imperial Qing magistrate wearing the [Read More…]

The bright dot through the clouds

The bright dot through the clouds

I meant to post up my exact thoughts on the day it happened, but one thing lead to another and somehow it’s 21 days later. That day, I was very down. Actually, I was down for weeks. Actually, I had been down for years. It’s just that, hope keeps me going. Things that happen with others act as whimsical invisible ropes that allow me to barely hold onto and guide me. Every day is this feeling of near hopelessness. It is a bad feeling. It is a feeling of constant subtle ache and at the pit of my stomach, it [Read More…]

Too good for me

Too good for me

Someone said somewhere that if you tell yourself something enough times, your brain will believe it eventually. Meaning, you can lie to it as much as you can and it will eventually believe that lie. Hope is like a piece of string at the end of a large heavy rope of hardships. Blow at it and it may simply dissipate and fall apart. I knew this project was whimsical, but I didn’t realize that there were strings attached to it and none of which were the hopeful kind either. I won’t go into details, but to have three major setbacks [Read More…]

Optimist on the outside

Optimist on the outside

…but a pessimist on the inside. For as long as I could remember, I have been this way. I’m involved in a project that has since gone through two versions and settled on a third one with a new designer. However, I still had to recreate the visuals into workable formats for web based usage, then integrate them into the website. Unfortunately, I have not been paid a cent for it because there was no signed contract that stated what the work entailed and how much we would get paid. Reason? One of my partners who found us the project [Read More…]

Moving on

Moving on

For my 34th birthday, I wanted a Cactus Plant and so my brother got me the pot of cacti in the picture above. They were so small, round and cute, but still quite deadly. Just a little prick and it hurts quite a bit. Then a year rolled around and I realized the pot was getting too small for them to grow in. So my mom and I transferred them into a larger deeper pot. I’m not entirely happy about it, since the tall one is still a bit too close to one of the other ones and two of [Read More…]

Sturdy

Sturdy

I struggle with depression. At the moment, I am testing my resolve and limits by not taking my needed monthly injection. I will next week however, after not taking it for over six weeks. Imagine all the people over the centuries who were born with this ‘disability’ who never knew what this was. How they had to suffer through physical and emotional weakness to a point where they just can’t function on a day to day basis. I am testing my resolve to see where I stand without the medication I have been taking since I was 17. The result [Read More…]

Back in the day

Back in the day

The net is a wonderful invention. It is one nation, fragmented only by the connection you have with it. No one person nor company or government entity controls it. They can only restrict access to it. The net is filled with no definite amount of information and only limited to what people put up there. The net is a perfect anarchy. It has no governing laws. It has no rhythm. It has no base. It only has a framework which could be filled and expanded limitless. Before the internet, there were bulletin board systems or BBS. I was a System [Read More…]

Stalemate

Stalemate

I was never good at chess, though I would like to think I know more than just the mechanics. I played games against others where I was not aggressive enough against a sub-par opponent and ended up either losing too many pieces or getting into a stalemate. The game of chess seems to be a game of wits and pathways and despite what some of my friends believe, I seem to lack the complete wavelength of wit and path seeking. Like many things in my life, I have some of them, but not all of them. It’s 4:00am, Wednesday May [Read More…]

The Pursuit Of Happyness

The Pursuit Of Happyness

The Pursuit Of Happyness is one of my favorite movies. I must have watched that two dozen times in the last three years. At the end of the movie, Chris Gardner gets his break in life. I wonder if I already had mine and whether I ‘failed’ it. Sometimes, I feel that I already had it and had that chance or those chances already, but my inability to push myself to higher limits have caused me to lose out on their opportunistic results. I am still like that, but I have a different mentality and goals in life. Often times, [Read More…]

My legacy

My legacy

My mom and dad will be going back to Hong Kong next Tuesday to attend the burial ceremony for my G-ma who passed away two mornings ago. I spent that night contemplating on her life and legacy and in that process shed a few streams of tears while I typed up my previous entry. My G-ma was just a speck of sand in an ocean of time and space, but in our family, she was the centre of the universe, the giant radiating glow where we all revolved around. Various individuals of my family has wept and continue to do [Read More…]

Beyond me

Beyond me

I fell asleep on a late night train I missed my stop and I went round again Why would I wanna see you now? To fix it up, make it up somehow Baby I’ll try again, try again Baby I die every night, every time What I was isn’t what I am I’d change back but I don’t know if I can Still I’ll try, try again, try again Baby I die every night, every time But I was made the way I am I’m not a stone; I’m just a man Lay down your arms and I will lay [Read More…]

The heavens play me like a fish

The heavens play me like a fish

Yes I took a part of that line from “Whose Line Is It?”. I loved that show. the American version anyway. So I found out from Uncle Dick that he won’t be able to take me to Germany this April, which was supposed to happen in less than 3 weeks. Aveos filed for bankruptcy yesterday, which laid off 2400 employees across Canada. He was going to help Francis and I fly over to Germany for 30% of the cost of a regular plane ticket. He and Francis was also going to meet me at Kiel at the end of our [Read More…]

I am a fighter. Not a lover.

I am a fighter. Not a lover.

I once laughed at these words when Cindy repeated to me what Nelson said to her about himself all those years ago. He said to her: “I am a lover. Not a fighter.” At the time, my relationship with Cindy was already crap, so it was ‘okay’ to half-joke about stuff like that. Years later, I find myself thinking back on those silly words. I am a fighter. Not a lover. Tune: “Shigure no Koro” by Kenji Kawai Drink: Ginseng Catnip Tea Mood: Sleepy [audio:ShigurenoKoro.mp3] Many years ago, probably before Cindy and I met, I remarked to my mom that [Read More…]