Words of encouragement

Tune: “Stall Out” by Mutemath Drink: Bombay Sapphire Gin Mood: Upset, but holding it together quite calmly [audio:stallout_mm.mp3] Patrick often puts up motivational quotes on his Facebook. He also follows other photographers, models, designers and business-minded people on Twitter as a sort of self-help agency. I have never really tried his method, which a lot of people do resort to doing, but I have considered it. Alas, what puts me off is the idea that motivational quotes can only apply to me if I have not thought of it first. So far, the most powerful quotes originated from people long [Read More…]

Where the wind takes me

Tune: “Sun + Moon = Tomorrow” by Ivana Santilli Drink: Bombay Sapphire Gin Mood: Worried but calm [audio:Ivana-Santilli_Sun-Moon-Tomorrow.mp3] Lately, I’ve been getting glimpses of long lost emotions that resurface for roughly 5 seconds and disappear. Those are the sort of emotions I miss a lot. I am willing to give up a part of my ending days for a way to get myself tuned to those emotions again. It’s unfortunate that Amber has been having migraines lately, as I was on two occasions in the mood to shed layers of my core to her. Alas, after searching endlessly for a [Read More…]

Simple Bread

Tune: “La Joie De La Vie (Paronator Mix)” by Denis Melody Shohina Drink: Oasis Orange Juice Mood: A bit tired [audio:LJDLV_paronatorremix.mp3] There are parts of this tune that I don’t like, but I’ve been listening to this tune for the last 3 days, nearly non-stop because parts of it sound really good. Good parts: 1:12 leading up to 1:46, then from there to 2:16 and right at 2:17-ish is when the bit really gets to me until 3:02. Reminds me of days long past, where I used to compose music inspired by such artists as Darkhalo, Necros and the NOiSE, [Read More…]

Overbearing, yet not temporary

Drink: Cruzen aged rum on the rocks Mood: Sleepy and very massively stressed I am actually not very good at dealing with stress. Some people think I do, but what they don’t realize is that my way of dealing with stress is keeping it mainly to myself. In the past, I disappeared for days and weeks, sometimes even months, barely seeing anyone in that time. Stress is overwhelming. It’s not just simple stuff too. Sometimes, i want to cry, but most of the time, I just don’t have the energy to. Sometimes, I want to give it all up, but [Read More…]

I once was there

One of the things I enjoy doing is reminiscent on places I’ve been in the past by looking at that place from a different place. For example, I used to go to Playdium Lounge inside Metrotown in Burnaby a lot from 1999 to 2001. So during the Summer, I may occasionally ride down Cambie Road passed #6 Road and take a break while I enjoy the open farmland scenery. While there, I would be able to see the Metrotown Rogers’ Towers very clearly and from there, think about the days I used to spend my time drinking and flirting and [Read More…]

Who I am attracted to

A long time ago, I made a list of things I’m attracted to in women. I think it’s about time I remade and revised that list. I think this is also gives an idea to Amber why I had those thoughts about her in my previous entry titled “Amber”. Since my early 20’s, a few things has stayed the same in terms of what I am attracted to. To give an example of how I measure these, I’ll say each of these three main factors are worth 10 points. [Read More…]

The Last Few Steps

3:17am [“Kirara” by Eitetsu Hayashi & Kaoru Wada] This song doesn’t really suit my mood at the moment, but I put it on to help create a nostalgic feeling. Unfortunately, it’s not working. This is probably due to the spicy ginger ice-cream I am eating right now. It’s interesting really. Would I buy it again? Probably not. 8] So today is Sunday May 14th, 2006. I have completed the FTX UI. Benny came over around 10:15pm to give me the code to plug into the various spots. I also had to tweak a few areas, shorten the transitions, animations, and [Read More…]

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

2:40am (Listening “Free” by Sarah Brightman) This weekend was extra extra slow for some reason. The two weeks before that was zooming fast. Then it abruptly slowed down to a near-standstill. The hours drifted by as if the hourglass of life floated into zero gravity space, and the sands of ‘time’ hovered and bounced around. I’ll tell you a ‘secret’… In my semi-quasi godlike days, I thought that the world was made up of only one person – myself. That everyone else in my world was an illusion created from my mind. To say the least, it wasn’t pleasant to [Read More…]

Before I Go To Bed

2:46am (Listening to a song by Andy Lau – still don’t know the name to it damn it) WinRar finally finished compressing and splitting Cindy’s massive 2.2 gig folder up into five 420 meg files. Well, I mean it finished about 1.5 hours ago. I was just updating my web site – NexusColony.com – finally closed the main site and moved my own stuff in its place. Still waiting for Jason to accept my domain to point to the NC.com host space. So as I was testing the stuff, I had an urge to listen to this song again. It’s [Read More…]


1:59am (Playing “The Tune” by Url) Yumminess! I’m having my nightly dose of a shot and a half of Malibu and some sort of citrus surprise. Gotta try to be in bed by 2:15am LATEST! So supposedly, I’m a very naughty person. [grin] Seems like I’m entering an entry at least once every one or two days. I wanted to enter something ‘meaningful’ earlier, but was caught up in doing stuff. [Read More…]

Summer In June

2:42am Since I was hoping to get some leads on Virginia’s new contact info, I loaded up some super old emails from 1998 to 2002. Back in the day, I used Mail Warrior to read my emails. Anyway, I went through the few folders I have and with this ambience playing in the background, I really felt a huge surge of sadness but sadness in a peaceful way. I read through Albert’s earliest emails to me in late 2000, Jon’s emails in mid 2000, some of my Jim Pattison, AWF, and Stern emails, and finally Summer In June emails – [Read More…]

Tea Girl

10:10pm Came back from work around 5:27pm. My dad loves to stay within the speed limit, which is a good thing. It takes him about 23 minutes to drive about 2 kilometres. On a good morning, it takes me about 7 minutes to get to work. On a good afternoon, it takes me about 15 minutes to get back home. SPEED KILLS! I agree. I should think about other people more. Anyway, I had to do some stuff, then took a 14 minute nap, then showered, dressed, etc, and out the door to Kirin on Westminster Hwy. It is my [Read More…]

After Eight’s Martini

The other night – Saturday April 1st, I went to Savage Driving Range with Edmund. It was about 8pm, and it was freakin cold for some ungodly reason! The whole time I thought, while I listened to Ed drive his balls down the range was well of course… 8/ Every time he hit the ball, I would take time to enjoy the sound of it. I even said to him, “I like the sound of it when you hit them.” I sat there, observing and thinking… “Yeah I know, my friends and family are now completely against her, and yes, [Read More…]

Cindy The Fox

I was just going through some of her things when my mind drifted to last last Friday night… Then I became really angry, because… Yes, this… AND FUCKING JUST FOR THE RECORD… This is the email I sent to Christopher Shum AFTER Cindy told me what they did ONE DAY AFTER we broke up in August 2005. ONE FUCKING DAY! Hey man… How are you doing? Thanx for kissing my ex-girlfriend. I really appreciate it. 8] If you want to go after her, do it completely. Don’t play around. If you want to fuck her, go find someone else. 8] [Read More…]

Being Played

Ah, now I get it… Yeah I’m slow. I was thinking (not actively) about how Cindy was treating me and came to the conclusion that she was trying to break me. I remember on Saturday 25th this month, we were talking at my front door and she admitted that not only was she trying to test my threshold that eventually got out of hand, but when we first ‘dated’, she was playing the game – who will break first. Well, I broke first, cuz I fell in love with her… The reason why she thought we were playing a game, [Read More…]