Finding My Rest

Well, as ‘most of you’ have known since reading my friggin MASSIVE email that I sent to Donna yesterday, I have been ‘busy’ since March 2005. I know I have neglected the majority of my friends and family. It was pathetic of me to have allowed someone like Cindy to take ‘control’ of my life. Without getting INTO further details, can you all forgive me?

Aside FROM Albert and John, I have to thank Laura for continuously checking up on me for the last two years. She actually keeps me sane, with her pictures, e-cards, and emails. I especially like the school-girl mannequin one… 8]

Then there is Stefan. Yes, the same person I was HAVING a debate with. He has been showing his support for me about my family related issues, and I mentioned today a bit about my intimate departure. Thank you.

On top of that, Anthony – I met him at vball at Britannia High School. I met him when I went to watch Cindy play vball there for the first time in January or February this year. Anthony is an entertaining person, and he always seem to bring a smile to my face. I also would like to give my thanks and much appreciations to him, as he has also helped me go through this initial period of my heart-ache. He has some very good words for me – especially FROM his last email: “May I suggest that you do not “dilute” any of your emotions ever. Li, always allow your emotions to go through their intended mood or feeling.

Then of course, Patrick who no doubt came to my aid with his usual words of wisdom. Though not quite as passionate as Albert’s, at the very least, it shows who still really cares even when I ditched you all. [sigh] I honestly feel so ashamed. I’m sorry everyone.

Jessica – another nice blunt email FROM her. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE TO SEE! Follow her example! 8] Actually, at first, I hesitated to add her to my outgoing list because I didn’t contact her after she sent me an X-mas card. I actually have three cards and three long letters that I meant to send out via post. One for Laura, one for Jessica, and one for Ben. Alas, as you can see… Yeah… 8[

Lastly, Graeme with his usual flowing words, “Very sorry to hear of your pain. It has been a long a arduous journey for you and I guess it is time for you soul to rest and heal FROM it being overtaxed for so long. What is it that brings your soul rest? wind in your hair – rain on your cheeks – aching legs FROM riding hard – allowing your chest to rise and fall with breaths that are slow and measured – find your rest.

I called in sick yesterday (Wednesday 29th), cuz I had all these nightmarish dreams about Cindy and her friends referring me as a bastard and jerk. I still don’t understand how they could even call me that, after what she did to me. So I called in sick, layed in bed until 1:47pm, got up, did some stuff, Albert calls me, and he comes over around 7pm. Then we went to go look at cars at the Richmond Automall for three hours. Came back to my place, cooked him some noodles with ham, then came up to my room and talked about everything – mainly about the relation in demeanor (and nature) between Cindy and Cara’s actions, and how similar they were, etc, etc, and secondarily about the songs we used to hear, the simpler days at UBC, etc, etc, etc.

Yeah, back in the day, it was so damn great. We were talking about my birthday in 2001, where he got me a box of wine and liquor. We went back to my office, opened up everything, made mixes, and stuff, and we just drank so damn much in one night! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, that was AWESOME! He passed out twice! I slowly sipped my drinks, thinking about stuff back then. Wow… I mean, I lost my company to betrayal six months prior to that, but Albert really cheered me up that day.

Anyhow, so now what? Well, today is March 30th, 2006. I feel so much better. After receiving John’s email, Laura’s, Anthony’s, Jessica’s, Pat’s, Albert’s, Mr. Kwok-Swan (Graeme), and even a “Zzzz” text FROM my brother, I feel so much better. Albert even stayed by my side for the last five days, since Saturday night – an hour after Cindy left my place.

At the very least – as written in my other private journals, “I opened the door, and she walked out. At that one instance – right at 9:02pm, she did something to me, that she hasn’t done since mid February 2005. She walked out of my house door, turned around and gave me a kiss on my lips, then said bye, waved at me, and walked away. As she disappeared into the darkness, she turned and waved again, and I waved back too. Then I closed the door, and went back upstairs.

Yes yes, I know I know Jessica… I know… Don’t scold me… 8P

Yup, so what can I do now? Just move on. So long as I don’t see her or Nelson, or any of her friends, then I think I would be fine for the next while. Just need some time to do my own thing, get back on track, and readjust my goals, etc, etc. This time around, I will try my best to get in-tuned with my friends again. However, please forgive and bare with me, if it takes some time. I work days and nights, so energy is mainly reserved for immediate needs – like sleep. 8]

To everyone… Thank you so much. I will either call you or email you tonight or tomorrow.

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