Imperial Princess

2:50am

A couple of days ago after I entered the previous entry, I thought and felt as if I was writing a letter to myself. Rather, maybe I was writing these thoughts down in case one day I lost my memory or maybe all these thoughts would act as a manual of sorts?

No I can’t really lie about this, even though my previous comment was still truthful. No I confess that it feels as though my previous two entries were trying to get the two sides of me to accept each other. Imagine a giant metal gate that leads to each world. Each world houses a different aspect of myself. One world is a hellish battlefield with constant unrest and the other world is a mellow place with lush rolling hills and nostalgic oceans.

One of the things I enjoyed doing by myself was lay on a field in the summer, pick up a daffodil and rotate it by its stem between my thumb and index finger. I like the sky in the backdrop while I do that. The feeling is nice when no one else is around.

You know, in one of my previous entries, Albert had tried to talk me out of restraint. However, though a part of me could, an even larger part of me still would not. It’s like swimming. I can’t swim, but I’m sure I can learn, but though I say to myself I will learn every summer for the last four years, I haven’t even initiated it. Of course, that’s slightly a bad example but the concept is good enough.

I do wish I can let go sometimes and just do it but my rationality and learned principles counter almost everything I bring up.

In our conversations earlier this week, we both agreed that cycling gives us considerable amount of time to think because it is a sport that does not require a lot of constant thought. So when I ride in the country side, I think a lot. The route I take, I get to see all of Vancouver, Burnaby, New West and beyond that. When I take a rest at the stopping point, I browse through the horizon and think back on the nights and days running and bussing around. At that rest point, I get reminded of many things. In my rides, I also think about many things.

I don’t know about you, but when I think deeply about sentimental moments, favored music gets added to the back of my thoughts and act as a background song of sorts. It’s subtle, but powerful, especially if a friend is riding with me and suddenly talks to me – the feeling is like a dream that always runs away from me. I can almost touch it but I cannot grasp it.

Why do you run away from me, or rather, maybe I’m the one running away from it?

[grins with a slight heartache]

The song I’m listening to is called “Imperial Princess”. It’s vocal-less, but it’s about a crowned princess who volunteered to take the reigns to unite her country after years of war. Her obstacles are two-fold: one side are the ultra conservatives and the other, the reformists.

Tune: “Imperial Princess” by Kawai Kenji

[audio:http://swollencheeks.com/milktea/audio/imperialprincess.mp3]

Well, that’s that. I need sleep. At this point, I feel as though I have a lot I want to say but I don’t want those dreams here. At least, not when I am still alive.

3:18am

4 thoughts on “Imperial Princess

  1. Spongey

    I like what you’ve done to your site. The font is reminiscent of 1950s, 1960s (or 70s?) style jukebox diners. :)

    Whenever I’m cycling with you, all that’s running through my head is, “When is Li going to stop peddling like a mad man? When can I let the lactic acid in my muscles drain away?” and then “Why must?!!” :D

  2. Li

    Yeah, it’s pretty nice. I was going to use a blue theme but the reddish theme looks much better. It adds colour than the usual cold feel.

    We should go cycling again. It was 19 the other day, then it dropped to 12 and now it’s 9.

    BTW, I tried calling you! Were you busy doing something sloppy with someone who flies? Hahahaha… Mhm mhm.

  3. Spongey

    WHEN DID YOU CALL ME?!! Oh, I musta been at a meeting or sth. Sorry! If anything sloppy, it was cuz we were making sloppy Joe’s — you know how messy that can be – meat and tomato sauce all over the place :p LOL

    Oh btw I WILL be passing by on Monday. Is that cool? Sometime around 9:30pm or so :)

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