No, not myself. Remember, no more talk of blah! Mhm… This is my comment in response to a post on MySpace.com:
I think that I am at a stage in my life that love in itself has become even more sacred to me. This may be a naive way of thinking, but I have noticed that since I have had the chance to go through the different types of relationships intimately, and the different types of relationships in business, in friendship, in family, and in the generalization of society – local and distance, that with all these experiences mingling with each other over the course of seconds that turn into days, days that turn into years, and years that turn into ancestral stories, that with each passing moment, I have very slowly, but also gradually coming to terms with what love really means to me.
Indeed, there are quite a lot of people who take advantage of a generous heart, then when things go sour, they put on a two-face mask to try to protect themselves. Indeed, those who fall victim to such deeds may become intertwined with hatred, sadness, and soulful torment, and the subjective thought of vengeance take presidence within their lives, as if it becomes a priority on the top 10. However, for those who allow calamities of their past to hit them, and then allow those historical emotions to flow into every single crevice of their mind and spiritual body, the current pain and agony no longer feels as painful and no longer as agonizing.
There are always good times, bad times, and all the in between times. We can always point fingers, especially when you know you are not wrong in love, but ever try to point your finger at a mirror?
Imagine yourself in her or his shoes. Now wipe out the image of him or her, and place yourself there, in front of you. Point your finger at the mirror and yell, scream, and even scold with the worst words ever. How do you feel? Do you feel good?
If you don’t feel good, that is because ultimately, with all these feelings of the uttermost negativity, you are basically in its most simplist form, hating yourself, agonizing over yourself, and everything. Why? For choosing the wrong person to hurt you, to allow that person to hurt you, to allow the experience to hurt you.
It can’t be helped. So think about – when you, yourself make a mistake, what do you think you should do? Correct yourself, move on, remember your own thoughts, the stages you went through, and eventually through life, through the stillness of time, you may grasp that the idea of love is all here [points to myself] (in your case, you).
I realized I loved my ex so much is because I wanted her to love me. I wanted her to love me as much as I would have wanted to love myself. Was it wrong for me to have done so much for nothing? No of course not. Was it a waste of time? Yes and no. Yes because the pain was so not worth it, but contradictingly, no because I learned a lot, and I refined myself even further.
However, I actually still believe the words, “I love you”. Why? Because I always tell my companions from the start to never say meaningful words, unless they are 100% sure they feel that way towards me. If they don’t, then do not say it. Just as apologies like “I am sorry” goes. NEVER EVER apologize, if you cannot fix your mistakes.
In many ways, I am harsh to my companions, but with modesty aside, I know as I may be harsh and stubborn, I am also very caring, as considerate as I can, and as sensitive to them as my will allows me.
I’ve said “I love you” to all three of my most recent past companions – all at least once. I meant it for sure. It might look hopeless, since they were my companions, but know that the relationship of love in the world is an extremely complicated matter, even for ‘perfect’ couples. It is the feeling of connectivity that love represents that is simple and eternal.
Many would snicker at my words here, because they never allowed themselves to be re-defined, and stuck solely to what they think works for them. [ponders]