Again, some 20 somewhat year old entered a thread at DC that I took an interest to. His rant reminded me of when I was a teenager – how I thought about the world, life, and love. In response to his entry (LINK), I said the following:
Everything is trial and error. If you don’t take the risks, then you will never ever know what could have happened. That is the game. EVERYTHING you embark on is a test of your wits, ‘luck’, timing, skill and overall talent.
To answer your question – “Has anyone else found themsleves in an identity/existential crisis and found a way out?” – all the time. Every day, BUT I don’t allow it to consume me. I have much more important things in my life to put effort and mind to.
Individuals make themselves who they have become. It’s all about will power and solidity of the mind. You said you isolated yourself from people. Heck, I feel like I am the only person in my world, yet I still have friends/family that I see and connect with. Maybe these people are figments of my own conscious and sub-consciousness. Who knows? [grins]
You said you don’t want to fall in love with someone, get married and having a family that you might dread being a father. Who said you HAVE to be a dad? Who said you have to get married? What IS marriage? It’s a piece of paper that says you get benefits from the government as spouses. In reality, it’s as frail as any other relationship. Guess what? It’s even more frail than corporate relationships, where thousand page documents are drafted up and contracted between parties.
The concept of having someone with a similar mental state as you, or someone that isn’t but you’re interested and adore, close to you, comforting you and vice versa is great. However, then of course, all the draw-backs like the ‘randomness’ of a person’s moods, the chance of external temptation, lack of judgment, financial woes, etc, etc, etc.
You spoke of change. I doubt you changed. You probably and simply suppressed your fantasies/temptations of having someone warm you up from the inside out. It’s just probably that you have found a great bond with being stronger than what you perceive as the weakness of everyone else.
You don’t need to understand women. Women isn’t a thing. Women is plural for many womans. With this said, all you ‘need’ to do is understand a woman, and not women. Just like men, people don’t need to understand men, just a man that they bring into their intimate lives. When you don’t understand a woman, that’s when you make effort to understand her. However, that should come naturally. You don’t have to understand her completely. It’s all about chemistry. You may not bond completely, but you might bond in some areas.
Something trivial you say? Hardly. It’s just your quasi-godlike mentality telling you that it is.
It’s all about making and creating yourself. Everyone else will either complete or complement you. If you are unwilling to embrace your innate core, then you might as well hide yourself in a cave forever, away from everything that humankind has created – including the internet. [wink]
You also mentioned being shallow to get involved with someone for such a selfish end. Are you kidding me? LOVE IS SELFISH. The fact someone wants to do things for someone they loves is another aspect of selfishness. They simply want to have the feeling that they are doing something that gives their partners or otherwise something that make them feel happy. In turn, this gives you happiness. LOVE IS ALWAYS about getting something in return. Just as hate is ALWAYS about getting something in return.
You try to be indifferent, but love, warmth, hate, jealousy, lust, etc, etc, etc are all part of the human structure. You can’t try to not be human, when you are born human and die as a human.
And to answer Ariel’s question from the previous Coin & Matches entry where you said “I just read your reply on this question: â€œbroke his heart because of what people thought. I still love him, but he wonâ€™t get back with me.â€ and wondered, are you still angry at your ex for her weakness?”
My response? Yes, I am, but not specifically at her. She is the physical, mental, and emotional embodiment of my irritation with people like her. For example, after my ex and I separated, there were times when Albert would disagree with me that Cindy has a very nice ass. He would say that June had a nicer one, but unless he’s seen her naked, bent over with her ass in their air, he wouldn’t know for sure. In fact, I rated June’s overall body pretty low. She was slender but I prefer girls with some meat and a shape. Aside from Cindy’s lack of a solid mental state, I found her body to be just right. At the time of our separation, she was 5-4 in height and weighed at 120 pounds. Her ass was gorgeously yummy. GOD DAMN!
Oh crap, I was getting somewhere with that. So Albert, one of the most influential people in my life couldn’t sway what I thought of my ex’s body. Okay, okay, I know that was probably one of the worst examples given, but I loved her ass… I do… [grins]
Right, well that’s the thing. None of my friends have ever said anything bad about Cindy. She doesn’t connect with any of them, but like that really matters to me. So long as she isn’t against them, then it’s good enough. I don’t expect her to be friends with them, let alone, close to them.
ANYWAY, before my mind and emotions trail off, I would like to end this post by saying that masturbation is a good past time. Self-pleasure isn’t an anti-god thing. If god didn’t give our cocks and pussies the feeling of supreme pleasure, then it would have made sense for it to only be a baby making tool. In that case, it might as well be a sin to laugh at comedy, have fun doing an activity with friends, enjoy moments through events and sports, to dress up nicely, groom ourselves, and smell good for the boys and girls, to get a post-sec education, work, make money, spend on a house, a car, toys, art, computers, games, and so on.
As I always say to non-religious friends/family, if they ain’t Amish, they ain’t Christian/Catholic. Which btw, makes me wonder about my religious friends/family. [wink]
To celebrate this moment of wit and satire, I present you…
^^ Yup, that’s the religious doctrine of god right there – fucking with your heads and libidos. How devilish of this almighty being who created everything and supposedly gave us free will to do as we please, yet we supposedly die and go to hell. Hey, it’s all love anyway. It’s just another interpretation, another denomination, and another way of showing devotion. [wink]