Awhile ago, I was playing a Hidden Objects adventure game from my Steam Games account, called Agent Walker Secret Journey and came across a puzzle that I normally have no issue solving. However, no matter the logic induced in me, I could not solve the puzzle. All I had to do was make the power flow from one end to the other. I spent a good three to four minutes before I gave up. I stared at the puzzle, then decided I will work my way backwards. Not even a minute later, I solved it.
It's not that this never occurred to me, but at that moment after I solved the puzzle, it put a clear definition to many of the thoughts I've had over the years about solving problems and why I don't like saying "I don't know". I do know even if at that moment, I don't know exactly what I must do. All I have to do is think about what I need or what I want and go backwards in my thought process to sort out the issues. Of course, this is within context of a problem that you have all, most or some control over. Basically, a problem that you can contribute to solving.
So you may ask, "What if it takes more than just myself to solve the problem?" If this is a problem about relationship, then that's an entirely different issue. However, you are at least responsible for your side of the relationship journey. From the moment you read this, to the moment you think to yourself, you could work out the details that lead you to this position. Look at everything, every big and small detail of your life. The moment you start casting your stones, casting blame, is the moment you start failing in your problem solving. You're in that relationship for a reason. It's a reason you chose to be in. Don't cast blame on the other person for something you chose to do.
For example, Quora is littered with thousands upon thousands of questions with the exact same core ideal: "Why do I...?" These questions often make a vein near my temples twitch violently because all these people asking the question have to do is think a little and they will have their own answer.
- Why have I become numb in arguments with my boyfriend? (She even answers her own question in her question details. Incredible isn't it?)
- Why do I delay everything? (He has his own answer in his question details. How can he change? Easy, work backwards and see what you can start filtering out and into your life!)
- Why do I overthink so much? (Again, the answer is in the question details! You overthink because you want more insight!)
Those are just a few of the tens of thousands of the same type of questions. The content may be different, but it's all the same heart beat. You want your problems solved? It's fine asking for advice, but you need to do your part in all of this. Use that brain of yours! Retrace your steps back to a point in your life where things made more sense to you, gave you more happiness, started a path of misery, etc, etc, etc. It's only hard because you don't use your brain!