The idealistic will try to preach to you that “sex without love is meaningless”, but I beg to differ. Who says that people need to be in love to make sex meaningful. Friends can have sex and not be in love, with a mutual understanding and respect and still have a meaningful sex life. Then again, why does sex have to be meaningful in the first place. I think ‘you’ are mistaking sex with communication.
Heh, I said that on purpose just to see if people will flame me for it. I bet if my blog is famous enough, I would have received a lot of trolls and flamers for that.
Seriously though, if people think the association of meaningfulness comes from how two people love each other, it really isn’t. Actually, sex is an alternative means for communication even if the process results in pleasure. When two or more people are having sex, they are communicating their needs and wants and how that need and want is being fulfilled. In the process of that “how”, the people involved are essentially telling each other how to perform or whether their performance is worthy. No one said that performance is any good for the other person, especially if that person is either a) full of him/herself but actually lack the technique, b) can’t read the signs and adjust accordingly, c) refuse to do something that actually pleases the other person before, during and after the sex act and/or d) fuck for the sake of fucking without any consideration whatsoever.
It’s strange that “whatsoever” is a word.
Anyway, if people manage to help create a relationship where the people involved fit a combination of all of those factors in some degree or another, then of course, that’s a damn good relationship. However, most intimate relationships in the world do not meet all four of those factors and in fact, most of them have an imbalance of those factors, combined with nuisances and personality traits, obstacles, etc.
A long time ago, when Jonathan still traveled back here in Richmond, we once swung on the playground swings late at night and he remarked, “You know Leeman. Your ideal relationship is a long term fling.”
I have to confess, it was and today, the thought still crosses my mind every now and then. It’s not that I don’t love and adore my wife. It’s just that I am me and I have my own feelings about life and how my life lead up to this point so far.
My wife has all four aspects of sex, love, romance and friendship, but there is no passion between the four. In my past relationships, my sex life were substantial and fulfilling. Indeed, Amber is all the way in Germany and I am all the way here in Metro Van and it won’t be at least another year before she comes here due to some stupid ass reasons out of our control, but regardless of the reasons, it is still fact that there is no passion between the four aspects in our relationship. I am sure however, the passion will spark up when she’s here, but even then, it won’t be as passionate as the relationships I’ve had in the past in all of their bad and good bits.
I had strongly passionate and sexually destructive relationships in the past that had vague expiry dates. With Amber, the only expiry date is how healthy we both keep our lives at and whether the place we live see relative peace for the rest of our lives.
Sometimes, I think about my future with Amber and I smile at it and sometimes I think about how we are apart and it saddens me and wish that things can get better soon. However, at the same time, I am surrounded by temptation. Back in the day, my friends heard me sigh because I was a narcissist sighing at how the world is so retarded (though I am still in some ways, a narcissist, just not so much). These days, if my friends heard me sigh, it’s because of two reasons: a) money and client issues as one combined issue and b) eager and willing women.
WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU ALL GO WHEN I WAS SINGLE HUH?!
Though I have over the years and months shed off the extra weight, though my mom would beg to differ. She laughs occasionally and says, “Haha! You’re six months pregnant!” Hey! It’s only five mkay?
“Shed off the extra weight” as in slowly and gradually stop responding to women who text me or email me or call me every now and then. Honestly, this gradual process felt like a slow death. As if I have hollowed out slowly and someone else is filling it in even more slowly with Synthale.
I do confess that sometimes, I miss the times when I was flirting non-stop with some women, causing them to wet their panties and call me up asking if I was free to something something. I had to replace that with “something something” because sometimes my potty mouth can get me into trouble.
I know I sound like I am so fucking full of shit and full of myself, but the moral of this blog entry is not to show off anything because there is nothing to show off. In fact, whatever happened to some of these relationships I’ve had, is nothing to write home to or boast about. Many of these relationships ended up with stuff and things. Yes. So the purpose of this blog entry is to educate.
Sex, love, romance and friendship are four entirely different things. Friends can have sex and still have a meaningful sex life. Strangers can have sex and have a passionate one night stand or a fling without ever knowing each others names. Wives and husbands can have sex and be in love, but are terrible in bed while one thinks he is a sex god and the other rolls her eyes hoping she can go rub her cookie in the shower afterwards. Romance is something that happens day in and day out, regardless of whether the deeds are sexual or intimate. Romance is sex without the fucking and sucking. It’s mental. It’s action. It’s the day to day cycle of the relationship at its best and how people react and work things out at their worst.
Get it? No? Don’t worry. If education is not big on your list of life goals, there is at least the ability to experience things on your own and either come to terms with them or end up a raging lunatic out to gun down everyone just because your overlook is shallow and so focused on the mundane.