I was just going through some of her things when my mind drifted to last last Friday night… Then I became really angry, because… Yes, this…
AND FUCKING JUST FOR THE RECORD…
This is the email I sent to Christopher Shum AFTER Cindy told me what they did ONE DAY AFTER we broke up in August 2005. ONE FUCKING DAY!
How are you doing? Thanx for kissing my
ex-girlfriend. I really appreciate it. 8]
If you want to go after her, do it completely. Don’t
play around. If you want to fuck her, go find someone
AND PLEASE KNOW THIS… CINDY WAS RIGHT BESIDE ME WHEN I SENT THIS EMAIL OUT! She even put her hand on my shoulder, squeezed it a bit, and looked at me with sadness in her eyes. She asked me right then and there BEFORE I PRESSED THE SEND BUTTON, “Are you okay?”
I told her right there, ON THE SPOT BEFORE I SENT IT TO CHRIS, that if Chris were to pursue after her, he better to do it with a sincere heart and not there to just fuck around. CINDY EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED THIS!
Recently, AFTER WE BROKE UP, at her house on Friday night (March 24th), she told me that Chris told her that if I had something to say to him, I should say it to his face. That pissed me off. I picked up my phone and asked Cindy for his phone number. Cindy puts her hand on my arm and tells me that it was a long time ago and I shouldn’t think about it. I was like, “What the fuck is his problem?!?!”
Cindy’s memory is so fucking bad! She thought I sent an email full of threats to him! I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK?!?! SHE WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!!!!
MAN, WAS SHE FUCKING PLAYING GAMES WITH ME? WITH CHRIS??!?! WHAT THE HELLL?!?!?! Yeah I got proof – I KEEP ALL OF HER EMAILS – ALL 702 OF THEM!!! EVERY SINGLE ONE. INCLUDING ALL OF OUR MSN CONVERSATIONS – ALL 140 of them!!!! So… I have a pretty good record of what has gone on in the past year and a bit.
AND I KEEP A PASSWORD PROTECTED MEMORIES JOURNAL OF EVERYTHING WE DID! Hmmm… I don’t believe this. She makes me look like a bastard because she fails to defend me! YEAH, THAT’S FUCKING GREAT!
You know… From what she’s told me, and I am NOT going to tell anyone, cuz at the very least, I have the morality to keep secrets from public opinion. FROM WHAT SHE’S TOLD ME, man, can I say, “Borderline Slut”?
YEAH, SO SHE FUCKING TOTALLY BREAKS MY HEART, DUE TO HER INABILITY TO HANDLE THE TRUTH, and she goes and lies to her friends about everything. HOLY FUCKING CHRIST!
So help me, if I turn into a bastard (again) and worst… She is protected, and you know what? I will keep my integrity and not reveal anything about her.
I DID INDEED, once adored and worshipped her. However, today, I have remade my vows. She does NOT deserve my pardon, my generosities, and my love for her.
(Playing “Minerva” by Deftones)
Divided loyalties indeed. Brothers and sisters, please forgive me for neglecting you all. I should have seen it. What I saw in her, was a mask of that demon ‘heart’ inside of her. I was a fool. Blinded, by my desire to wake her from what I thought was her nightmare. In fact, all this time, she wasn’t building into our future together. She was helping me dig my own grave.
As John elegantly put it to me, “You know how in movies where the hero and heroin and trying to escape this difficult situation and you can’t help but think to yourself, “man, he’d get out of this so much easier if he didn’t have that bitch along” ….well, let me say this to you….”the bitch is gone and now get the %^*% out of the dungeon!”
Well… I will always have a very tiny place for her in my heart unfortunately… I just have to believe that not everything about her was bad… Say one or two percent?
Miss my voice eh? What was that? To poison my heart?
If indeed this is karma hitting me, then I deserve some, but not like this. Cuz if I deserve how she treated me and beyond, then my heaven, I hope that whatever karma has in store for her, not only hit her back, but also cause a massive tsunami of emotional pain for her.
I should have listened to Carlo… BEFORE I met her… Damn…