Tune: “Slept So Long” by Jay Gordon[audio:08_Slept_So_Long_-_The_Queen_Of_The_Damned_-_Jay_Gordon.mp3]
I’m quite exhausted right now and should have been in bed around 2am but I needed to finish this thing and I’m still doing it.
A few mornings ago, I woke up from another nightmarish dream. Another vivid dream where I could feel touch and have slight control over the mechanics of the dream world. Only difference between this dream and all the previous one is that I was the ‘god’ of that world – at least, the denizens of my dream made me into a god.
It started out when I am roughly mid 30’s. I was at a school with an Asian/descendant girl. We were playing around and I tried to make a move on her – a playful perverted one. That went on for a bit until I noticed that I wasn’t fully aware of where we were walking. It felt as though my body continued to walk beside her but my mind became blank for a few minutes. Like I passed out but my body continued.
Then suddenly, I was outside between some super tall skyscraper buildings. They were all black matte and I couldn’t see the tops of those buildings. They resembled the buildings of my 3D visionary artwork from back in the mid to late 1990’s. The ground was also black matte with a thin layer of fog and a pale whitish glow.
As I walked passed another building, I noticed a chamber of sorts. Like a giant Pokemon ball except the top half would open upwards to reveal a chair inside with controls. The chair looked as though it can be reclined.
Some people were close to me and just doing their own thing. I noticed that Asian/descendant girl and she looked back and said something to me. I followed her and just as I was about to do something to her, my mind flashed and I passed out completely. I found myself inside that chamber and the ‘hatch’ closed on me and my mind faded out.
Now, I was suspended inside water. Looks like at the edge of the ocean near a giant wall. I looked up and there was a pair of a ship’s propellers attached to a detached motor or sorts. It was really cool looking in that greenish ocean water with the lights above the surface shining down. I knew I couldn’t swim and I couldn’t breath, but because I was aware of that, I could keep myself that way for awhile.
I woke up and I was at a ruined mall with water ways every where. My brother was nearby and something was happening. The waterways became lava. I tried to escape with my brother and he jumped across, one of my feet fell in and it scorched me. I felt that intense heat. My brother looked back at me and I nodded at him. He took off and others were with me.
Eventually I went into a massive auditorium-like room with computers and stuff and people were there. I was wearing rags and they were all in suits, armour, and lab coats. They didn’t look very happy. I put my hand on some controls and did something before sitting into a chair. I told them explicitly, “To save everyone, you don’t need to keep me hooked up for so long. One year is enough.” They didn’t seem to really care what I said. So I asked “You guys don’t trust me do you?”
One of them replied “Not really.”
The next thing I noticed was waking up in that chair, except the room was a lot smaller. It looked like the storage room of a doctor’s clinic or a hospital. The windows outside showed a thriving metropolis with floating cars flying through a bustling sky. A blond woman in a lab coat walked up to me and asked “How are you feeling?” I opened my eyes and stared up at the monitor. It read “4 Years” – meaning I’ve been in the chamber for four years.
At first, I stepped away from the chair and went to the wall. Another person in the room said “You saved us all.” I didn’t even look at him and stared through the opening in the wall towards another larger room where some people were waiting around.
I turned towards the woman and said “I’m glad I can be of service.”
She exclaimed “No, you don’t understand! You saved all of us!” Then I was lead to a lounge with a quarter circular corner room with huge windows that looked out to the city. She continued with a gesture of her hands to express the ‘whole’ of the city “All of this was your creation. You created all of this! The planet is thriving because of you! We rebuilt the world with the visions from your dreams. We have you to thank for all of this!”
I smiled weakly and looked out the windows still in my rags and noticed my reflection. I was many many many years older. I had gray and white hair. I had wrinkles. I was old. Then I broke and balled my eyes out. I landed on my knees and grabbed my head facing upwards towards the ceiling and yelled “I went through 15, 20, 25, 30, 40, 50 years of my life already!”
The two in the room were quiet and they looked extremely sad. I wiped my acidic tears and walked up to the window and thought “I saved them all at the cost of my own life. It’s just so not worth it. It wasn’t worth it. I missed out on everything.” The entire time I thought about that, images of those past experiences faded in and out of my mind.
I woke up from that dream wondering if it was worth becoming a god entity when my own life was suspended while they used my mind to rebuild the world. When I took a shower that day, I kept thinking “It’s just not worth it.”
For that entire day, I felt foreign in my own home. I felt as though I’ve taken a super long vacation and then returned home abruptly.
One thing that lingered since that dream was thinking back while inside that dream, how my brother must have felt as he lived through all that while I wasn’t around to support and be there with him. What really broke my heart from that dream was imagining how he would have cried by himself at some darkened broken building somewhere. I’ve shed my own tears through an agonizing heartache before and wish that no one close to me will ever have to feel that. In some ways, I still see him as that little boy all those years ago, even when he has obviously grown up.
Maybe, that’s just it. I don’t know what this dream was about.