To feel welcomed

One thing that has been on the back of my mind for awhile now has been Amber’s situation at home in Germany with her family. Over the last year and a half, I found out she went through a complicated childhood and that persists through her early adulthood now. It’s annoying knowing that she has very superficial support from her family there. It seems like Amber tries her best to make the most out of a failed relationship with her family.

Tune: “Pagan Poetry” by Bjork
Mood: Slightly overworked
Drink: Some sort of herbal tea

[audio:PaganPoetry.mp3]

She has told me she enjoys Christmas and New Years with them, but at the same time, doesn’t look forward to spending time with them, but she has nothing else physical to go to to keep her socially connected. So there is a trade-off between hating going there and deal with the inconsiderate bi-polar lying mom and having a place besides her own apartment to go to when she needs the company.

Over here, I have told everyone about Amber. My closest friends, my family and most of my closest relatives know about my relationship with Amber as well. Most of them cannot grasp the idea of a long distance romance and some of them are even a bit confused. I admit that this unorthodox method of romance is on questionably shaky ground, but I’ve come far since a year and a half ago with her. We have emotionally solidified our relationship. We know we’re not just friends and we know this is complicated at best. However, I think I am pretty set on this path. It isn’t because I cannot imagine myself being with someone else. It is simply because there is no reason to imagine myself being with someone else.

I will be flying over to Germany this mid-April to be with her for two weeks. It’s not enough, but it’s a good ‘next step’. This time it will be as lovers. In fact, I already have money saved on the side to help her buy a plane ticket over here. So it’s really just a matter of time that she comes over here after I go over there and this time, we’re not just friends visiting. ^_^

I’ve talked to my mom a lot about Amber. So she knows almost everything about her. For awhile now, I have told myself repeatedly that we have to make her feel welcomed here, as if there are people here that actually care about her. My mom has a lot of desires for her sons, but she realizes that to be realistic, she needs to look at this more objectively. However, even then, there are a few basic things she requires of Amber to do if she is to stay with me as my lover.

  • she needs to have a job, even if it’s part-time
  • she needs to get rid of her smoking habit
  • and my mom hopes that she will not be fake and ‘hollow’ towards my parents, but this isn’t as important as the other ones above

My mom does not need Amber to be rich, nor making lots of money, but my mom believes that Amber needs to be able to look out for herself as the most basic necessity of life. My mom doesn’t mind that much that I work and partially support Amber, but my mom hopes that I don’t need to take on the heavy burden of taking care both of my parents on top of supporting my lover, because then I will have no life. My mom said that even if I was making six figures, Amber should have a job, at least a part-time job to show that she is willing and able to support me if the scenario ever happens that I cannot work. Ultimately, it’s all about showing maturity and respect. This is a big thing in most Asian-ethnic families. Unlike most Asian-ethnic families, my mom has already been very yielding. My mom made it very clear to me what she expects from Amber and she will leave everything else between Amber and I since it is ultimately our lives.

With that said, my mom also hopes that Amber and I will work out even though she worries about my trip there in April. After knowing about Amber’s family situation, my mom has also remarked that as a family, we should make her feel welcomed and that our home is warm for her. My dad is indifferent. So long as Amber isn’t a bad girl in the sense of most of my exes, then it’s good enough.

Every now and then, I would think of something to do in my house that coincides with Amber coming here and do it. For example, my mom switched my dad’s queen sized bed with my twin-sized bed. She remarked: “When you two sleep together, I don’t want to hear the squeaking your bed makes. So take your dad’s bed. It’s on the ground and it doesn’t squeak.”

I also moved my desks and computers around in my computer room for three reasons: 1) better space management, 2) easier to play games and talk to the other person and 3) so Amber and I can play WoW and possibly SWTOR together without needing to turn around and talk. It also made me think that if she persists in graphic design, then it will be more convenient for us to work together the way the room is set up.

There are some drawers in my room that can be cleaned out and its contents move elsewhere. So I have enough room for her stuff when she comes over.

Lastly, I have a savings account for things we need to spend money on. I have went as far as thinking about what sort of things she needs and wants and mentally budgeted them for the short term and long term.

Anyway, so the biggest theme to her coming over is not just to be with me, but to actually feel welcomed here. To actually feel like she ‘belongs’ here. There will be food and drinks in the fridge for her, snacks to munch on, a bed for her to sleep, a guy she can fuck and cuddle with ^_^, high powered desktop PC’s she can play games on, moderate, webcam with her family back home, email, shop online, etc. She will have the chance to learn how to drive with me teaching her. I can take her shopping for new clothes. I’ll take her to new restaurants and try out different foods minus the seafood until she is ready, though my mom might look at her like this o_O when Amber refuses to eat the 80% seafood stuff she cooks.

Indeed, the longer she stays with me, the more mundane the days become, but I hope that my desire to keep learning and experiencing new or improved things can keep us on our toes and renew ourselves over time. If you think about it, if each of us live to our late 80’s to mid 90’s, we still have many years to go. That’s at least another 55 to 60 years! I am unwilling to leave my life as is if I have such a long way to go and that is why I am working my ass off now, so I don’t need to worry so much later on in life – that my dad has become. I am not going to follow in my dad’s foot steps and make my life companion unhappy or sad because I am a selfish greedy naive prick.

^_^

So that’s that. <3

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