Who I am attracted to

A long time ago, I made a list of things I’m attracted to in women. I think it’s about time I remade and revised that list. I think this is also gives an idea to Amber why I had those thoughts about her in my previous entry titled “Amber”.

Since my early 20’s, a few things has stayed the same in terms of what I am attracted to. To give an example of how I measure these, I’ll say each of these three main factors are worth 10 points.

1) Independent women with a soft side

This has always been my biggest attraction factor. It didn’t matter what type of job she had, but so long as she could take care of herself and do things on her own, that firstly told me that she could rely on herself when the entire world is against her. Secondly, that told me that she is someone who can stay strong for herself and possibly even for others.

Every single one of my past lovers and love interests were women who had some form of job and/or career and they were saving money to do things they wanted. Take my first gf, she was in high school at the time, went through university, medical school and then finally became a nurse. Another ex lover was a real estate agent in Hong Kong. Another was an university teacher. Another was a Pharmacist Technician. Another was a cafe waitress. Another worked at a warehouse as a shipping clerk. Etc.

The fact is, they all had to do something about their lives and did whatever they needed to do to get the things in life they wanted. They were also able to get things done. If they had an internet connection problem, they called the internet service provider and made sure the problem got solved. If their computer had a problem, they called me and I tried my best to fix it for them. If there was a discrepancy in their bank transactions, they hounded the bank to get it resolved. If their fridge was about to become empty, they made sure to fill it up again the next day. If they knew they had bills to pay and their job wasn’t making them enough, they would get a second job.

However, they were always able to rely on me for comfort. They showed me a side of themselves that made me feel special. As if I was the only one in the entire universe who can comfort them. They broke down in front of me. They showed me their soft side. They were able to let go of their independent stride at the end of each day, just to lean on me.

2) Boldness

Believe it or not, I am actually shy by default. However, if someone can react to me through initiation or reciprocation in a way where it inspires my wit and naughtiness, I often explode out of me shell and ‘play’ along with them. The majority of my ex lovers were like that. The exceptional few that weren’t attracted me to other aspects of their character. Boldness is mainly about how they talk, what they talk about and how far beyond the social threshold they can go with me and secondarily, how they express themselves through facial expressions and body language. A lower tier of boldness is also their ability to stand up to people with their own views and beliefs, but are flexibly able to make compromises and least of all, mature about it.

Boldness is also their measurement of how sexual they are. The way they dress, the way they move their lips, the way they touch me in a friendly way, the way they walk, the way they use a napkin, the way they eat, the way they are aware of others who watch them, etc. I can often tell how sexual a person is, just by observing the combination of things they do, wear and talk without ever touching the topic of sex.

Boldness is an initiation and reciprocation trait. Meaning she acts and reacts according to her own feelings and desires, regardless of whether I do it first or not. Take one of my past lovers for example. I was sitting at my desk working and she came out to me and gave me a shoulder rub. Another time was she knew I was very irritated about something. So she went and did something not only to try to cheer me up, but something that would really get my mind off of the irritation. She didn’t even wait for me to bring it up, because she knew that by the time I brought it up, it would have been too late.

3) Open Minded & Experimental

Open minded enough to try new foods and explore new cultures and study different religions. Definitely not set in one religion or faith. Ever changing and progressive.


So the above has always been my primary attraction factors. Now the revised secondary attraction factors that I’ve grown fond of over the years. Each of these are worth 1 point and are considered bonus points.

1) Bonus if they like to dance. There is something about a woman that dances that really turns me on.

2) Bonus if they love to sing or at the least, likes to sing when no one is watching. A singing voice soothes me.

3) Bonus if they like to do some form of sport. This could be anything from running to bowling to skiing to swimming, etc – basically any level of sport.

4) Bonus if they are gaming nerds. This is a huge one. If they like to play computer or console games, it totally turns me on in a nerdy way.

5) Bonus if they can cook. Yes even simple recipes (cooking rice isn’t really cooking).

6) Bonus if they love cats or animals and if they have a Maine Coon or a Tabby, even better.

7) Bonus if she has a dysfunctional family. Sounds odd doesn’t it? Well, I’m selfish this way. It means she’s mine.

8) Bonus if she has worked as a waitress at a cafe some time in her life. For some reason, this has always been a ‘fetish’ of mine.

9) Bonus if she is short.

10) Bonus if she likes progressive trance or rock. Yes, another ‘oddity’, but I find that women that love progressive trance and/or rock music are also the same type of women who can get lost in the moment of love and passion.

11) Bonus if she likes to write poems, short stories, blogs. If she likes to write down her dreams and try to explore their meanings, even better.

12) Bonus if she prefers to hang out with her friends a lot of the time, because can always talk or see each other at the end of the day. Unless of course, we made plans together that day.


There are tons of other other tidbits, but that’s pretty much some of the most important ones.

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