Ultimately, I believe that the act of being cheered up and cheering up are things to do for short-term problems and not for problems that are constant and continuing. If I am being slowly digested by a giant Venus Flytrap, I don’t think any amount of cheering me up would solve any problems. However, if you have a setback in whatever genre of life, some cheering up would be swell, I’m sure. Alas, with any setback, there is always the willingness to bounce back up. I brought this up because most of my age-old friends already know this about me, but some of my new friends don’t.
Take Jason’s problems. He’s lovesick and heart broken. The only way he can bounce back up is through action. I don’t go out of my way to ‘cheer him up’. What I do is what Patrick pretty does for me. That is, in our own ways, fill up the other aspects of their life.
As my old friends already know, I rarely go to them for advice or to rant. If I do, it’s because they pestered me enough for me to spill the beans. Laura and Jonathan have that talent. They’re amazing because they know one of my physical weaknesses, besides blowing obnoxious smelly gas in my direction.
You can ‘blame’ my self-reliance for being the way I am. I believe that my personal issues can primarily only be solved by me. Ranting doesn’t do much, but relieve myself for a very short-term. I don’t particularly like short-term relief because I will always know that the problems I face will just come smack me upside my head tomorrow. So why don’t I solve them now, even in small steps?
Earlier, I picked my mom up from work and she told me that her department had to work on stuff from another department and it made her hands hurt even more. She then made a remark, “But you wouldn’t understand that.”
My response was quite calm, since I was driving. I said, “I do understand. It’s just that I can’t feel what you feel.” Of course, in Chinese, the words were a lot smoother and the meaning a lot deeper, but that’s the basics of it.
I cannot feel the needle that pierced her skin and into her bone. I cannot feel the shit she takes from her power-hungry supervisor who has an esteem issue. I cannot feel the migraines and the lower back aches my mom feels. However, I can understand her and the things she is going through. This was a huge thing during my friendship with Albert. He kept insisting that I did not understand – taking back what I said in a recent journal entry; basically, I do understand. It’s just that, I cannot feel what he truly feels. As I’ve had hardships of my own and experiences similarly, I can understand his woes, but of course, I can never truly feel what he feels. The same is applied to my understanding towards my mom and my friends.
Anyway, cheering up someone can only go so far. To me, if it’s a temporary setback, then being cheered up is great. However, if the problem is constant, cheering up is just avoidance of what should be done.
Take my friend and I for example. She’s going through a horrible time right now, but 1) I can’t talk about it with her, lest she feels even worst and worst of all, I can’t ever talk about this, 2) I can’t bring up possible solutions, because she’s stubborn enough to believe that anyone but herself should ‘save’ herself and 3) it frustrates me that I can’t help her in any way, BUT to cheer her up for temporary measure.
It’s like you’re being attacked by a shark and you ask for candy. Looking back towards myself, if a shark is attacking me, I think instead of asking for candy, I would find a way to poke out its eye, then get away. “Throw me a freakin sword! I ain’t going down without a fight!”
Cheering Up scenarios:
– terrible work day, let’s go hang out and do something fun
– some asshole did or say something and I’m upset, I want to vent it out
– a fool gave me a negative because he was blind enough to not read the ad before he bought the item, let’s go get high and hammered
– I feel moody today, bad sleep, so I’m going to watch fuzzy kittens play on YouTube
– my girl and I had an argument, we’re not speaking to each other, let’s go to Kev’s house and play Wii
– my brother ate my last Chocolate Fudge popsicle, I’m pissed, let’s go to McD’s for Hot Fudge sunday
Problem solving scenarios:
– I am unhappy about my life, I am going to find out what it is and find ways to counter them
– I am not making enough money, I am going to find some freelance contracts and work more hours
– I do not like where my career is going, so I am going to look for a company that is more compatible
– I am skinny, so I need to research and create a meal and exercise plan to get bulky
– I am depressed all the time, so I need to either find some hobbies to fill my life or seek professional help
– I want to have my own home, so I need to decide whether to give up the security of my parents and buy my own place or continue to live here and pay the mortgage and eventually own this house
– I don’t have enough friends, so I go out and find more
– I don’t know how to swim, so I ask my friends who do to teach me or take paid lessons
– I can’t cook if my life depended on it, so I will look through a recipe book and practice
Voila! Pride doesn’t get me anywhere. ‘Unnecessary’ pride is for the foolish. Some pride is good, if it benefits oneself to react positively. Pride that hinders oneself is simply “meh”.