Bloody Delicious

10:44pm

Just spent the last 2 hours trying to get 3 images to print. Let’s just say, it wasn’t successfully clear. So after installing HP’s printer drivers on my lapdog, and ‘porting’ the HTML from Oasis’ web site into Dreamweaver to correctly create an HTML page, I managed to print out the new seat designations. I say, if those fools who created the Oasis’ web site can simply make it easy for us non-IE users, it would simply and utterly be fabulous.

Now I have to go and solve another mystery. Some travel agents can be such retards.

Anyway, I have been ‘struggling’ the last little while on my usual tastes for Asian/Asian-descendent women over non-Asian/Asian-descendent women. Looking back on my past, it was a lot of friggin work… What is that sound?

[goes and checks]

Ah, I turned off my music and noticed it was the sound of a vein ‘pumping’. At the moment, I’m feeling a bit of:

– stress
– irritation/mild anger
– tiredness/sleepiness
– cranky/shortened temper

No, it wasn’t just from the retarded booking, but other things as well.

Right, so looking abck on my past on Asian/Asian-descendent women, it was a lot of friggin work. Was it positive work? Hardly. I did the same amount of work that I would do for someone nowadays, and got the same amount of reciprocation. No, I am not measuring anything. I am giving you, the reader an idea of what I am talking about. If you think of it as a measurement, then you shouldn’t be here reading this. Leemanism isn’t for everyone.

Let’s look at this simply. I prefer/like:

– Asian/Asian-descendent women
– petite/curvaceous/meatier
– 5-2 to 5-5
– has stamina on and off the bed
– if she can speak Cantonese or is Chinese, that’s fabulous
– has a slightly bitchy attitude
– feminine (not frilly whiny girly)
– has her own set of interests and friends
– reliance/independence moderation ratio

However, I’ve noticed that every single Asian/Asian-descendant girl I’ve been with, regardless of their upbringing and background and relationship history, they were all quite high on the ‘maintenance’. They either grew to rely on me too much, or they grew to need me too much. They were still independent, but… For fuck sake.

Spongey once mentioned that it was unrealistic, but I disagree. It’s only unrealistic if you need a girlfriend or if you need a boyfriend. Like in the last 16 months, I’ve had 7 potentials and met with roughly a dozen females, 4 of which I’ve had near or semi-intimate ‘relationships’ with, but the most common thing is: Connect Sexually.

I don’t make a lot of money, but I am wary of who I bring into my inner reach. Some see potential in me to do greater things, and that always sets off a huge barrier. Even a hint of it puts up a massive distance. They may not know it, cuz my demeanor pretty much stay the same. As for the whole confidence issue, it’s not an issue at all. It’s really about connection. If I connect with someone, it doesn’t matter how hot they are, or how prominent they may be. It’s not an issue. I don’t shy away from things like that. The thing I ever shy away from consistently is someone who can play mental chess against/with me and do it successfully and decisively.

I guess I’ve moved from the usual Asian/Asian-descendant females I was attracted to. The thing is though, I am still attracted to that, but I want more. It’s easy to find a girl to have sex with, but it’s hard to find a girl that I can have sex with, that I am attracted to on a mental basis – because it is that mental basis through conversation that I get impressed with. Not her looks. Her looks still take second place, but it’s her voice and it’s what she says to me.

In the past, I took a good length of time to get to know someone on some instances, and others, just a few weeks or less. Either or, it always works out to some form of intimacy. However, I can’t stand dating politics. I can’t stand the slow pace of introduction, then the months and years to see/date, and then become intimate. For others, great. For me, unless you are the spiritual sense of the word “soul mate”, there is no way under all of heaven, that I would take so damn long to try to get to know you. If we did not connect in the first 30 seconds, we will never connect for the next 30 years.

Some of you may say that I will miss out. I miss out on a LOT of things, but I’ve tried setting myself on lower standards. It just doesn’t work.

I don’t know if you can tell, but high standards, doesn’t necessarily mean expensive or the hottest and most trendiest. To me, I see trend as a pack of sheep who follow a wolf disguised as a sheep around. I remember Spongey once referred to pointy high heels as the in-thing at the time. I thought, “Whether it’s in or not, it doesn’t mean a person wearing it will look good wearing it.”

Like on a page inside PC Gamer about elite Korean gamers. There was a picture of 10 or so male gamers standing around in uniform. Guess what? THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! THEY’RE ALL IN TREND! Their hairstyles were all EXACTLY the same! EXACTLY! Ugh, such a major turn off. Yet most people are socially driven sheep who do and think what others tell them to do and think. Such a major turn off!

Like when I go into a Chinese mall, I’d say roughly 70% of the people in there look like everyone else in terms of trend. The girls, the cute ones, all I think about is having sex with them. None of them give me that “wow, there is something else there” sort of feeling. What I mean is that, they’re like over-trend followers of followers regardless of who they might be. It’s like a lesbian daisy wheel.

No, you won’t know what I’m talking about.

So it has come down to this: I look at a Caucasian female and think that they are attractive because they hold their own. I’m generalizing here. They aren’t exotic, nor bitchy, nor Asian/Asian-descendant, and unless they are anything like Janet, they won’t be able to speak Cantonese even if their lives depended on it. “One order of hagow, siu mai, and cha siu bao” won’t cut it, sorry.

[wink]

For example, I brought a friend over the other night and watched a movie over wine and had a nice chat about creating possibilities outside of our comfort zones, etc, etc, and I noticed that there is a part of me that like Caucasian females. I’m generalizing here. The ones I’ve met at the least, want the guy because of the guy, and not necessarily (I’m generalizing here) because of the guy’s wealth, the guy’s car, the guy’s career potential, the guy’s this and that. I’m generalizing here. It’s like all those other things are bonuses.

I’m not making any sense. I’m still pretty pissed. I need some alcohol.

Chilled Paarl South African Ruby Port.

No, I’m not making enough sense here. What I am trying to say is that I am sick of my usual selection of Asian/Asian-descendant women, even if I am attracted to that type of Asian/Asian-descendant woman. At their best, they were gorgeous inside and outside, and they were soft, and they were all mine. At their worst, they were even more beautiful externally, but extremely poisonous internally. They were soft, but had thorns that cut through my flesh.

Are all females like that? Even Caucasian women? Of course. All females have the potential to be wicked. Just as all men have the potential to be bastards. However, it’s just that my usual selection of women can always choose to be wicked. Just like me, that I have slowly and consistently started to grow out of having casual relationships and flings. I can’t. It’s not a choice any more. The internal structure just won’t let me. Of course, that is on neutral ground mind you.

I have found a new drinking partner to hang out with and just chill, but what it feels like is like a ranger (me) and a warrior (her) meeting up at crossroads now and then through our journeys and having a break together. It’s nice, so why the “but”? Well, it’s an ideal friendship. I’ve applied a designation for everyone that keeps in consistent contact with me. So the “but” is out of the norm. Thus, it’s out of the usual.

I don’t want to explain the feeling. It’s the ideal, mutual friendship that I like. D&D does that to its players. [laughs]

The possibility to get connected. Like Reuben, nah, it’s not my thing. Though in essence, it could be wonderful. I’m not that positive, nor wonderful.

This brings me to another entry…

11:45pm