Now before anyone develops their own particulars, I will point out that I’ve been thinking about this for a long long long time and this entry takes on the objective perspective of that. There is nothing sinister nor demeaning through the words I will express here. However, know that this IS coming from my perspective.
In a previous entry, I was going to mention about a particular girl that has become very attractive for me. I was also going to mention that she was a caterpillar who went through the transitional process of the cocoon and came out a butterfly. A beautiful, ‘exotic’ butterfly.
Now, what sparked the motivation to enter this entry had to do with some thoughts that fell back on another girl whom I was friends with, who constantly and actively sought out a new intimate partner. In the many conversations we’ve had, she has always been thinking about what would make her more attractive. I told her that though indeed, attraction is relative to the individual, your overall value in that same attraction would be many times more attractive, if she had more to offer. More to offer meant more opportunities and more opportunities meant better chances in finding and accepting someone you much prefer, over someone you least prefer. In other words, rather than settling for someone you feel you can get by in life, you can find someone and accept a lifestyle where you can get more from it.
I would like to assign two aliases for these two women, as I will continue to use them in this entry. I will call the butterfly, “Kaori” and the former friend, “Maho”.
For Kaori, I’ve known her since December 2003. We ‘met’ through a site dedicated to finding pen pals. Unfortunately, we don’t talk as often as I first wanted. In fact, she has sent me one postal letter and we haven’t corresponded through email enough. We have talked over the phone before and texted a little bit, but never enough to hold much of a conversation.
You see, Kaori lives in a whole different world than I do. Her experiences, with the people in her immediate life makes up a huge part of who she is. What makes her very attractive, is a massive combination of things and events that had happen to her and how she handled them.
I remember, in the beginning, she was soft-spoken, very tame, secluded and cocooned by her family. Very well-mannered, musically oriented and always had an interest in going beyond her hometown, to explore the world, to explore herself and expand her mind, her spirituality, to allow herself the opportunity to experience different sensations. I am attracted to women like that. I am attracted to women who is willing to experiment with the world and with what life has to offer. I am attracted to her because she reminds me of someone who is not like me, who can bring out the best in me and give me the motivation to surpass the responsibilities I have, while still maintaining those responsibilities.
She is very attractive to me because she wears her heart on her sleeve and when she expresses her love, she is absolutely dazzling. She expresses her love towards her friends, her family, her lover and it’s just simply an amazing thing to observe. She shines very brightly and it seems like she constantly has this yearning to receive love back to herself and I see this and admittedly, I want to… Erm, eat boh loh bow.
Never mind.
What else makes her attractive? All the basic things I look for in a friend and/or an intimate companion like the fact she is so gentle, so feminine, yet can still be around the guys and burp and laugh and have a great time. She is intelligent in a way where she can learn and continues to learn and I love this about a girl. This is the type of girl I want as my intimate companion – someone whom isn’t as experienced yet and wishes to continue to experience. [sigh]
She is independent, yet she shows signs of dependency. Ah! What a balance!
She can sing.
A long time ago, Albert wanted to compare the similarities in women we are attracted to. He said that he prefers a woman that can play an instrument and I told him that I prefer a woman who can sing to me. This seemed to irritate him and his rationality to try to counter mine, was that a person’s voice can change with age. Therefore, her voice will most likely not nearly be as good-sounding as in her youth. I told him that anyone can play an instrument, but someone’s voice is unique to that person and when that person I am familiar with, ages with me, her voice will most likely change as well, but it is a voice I recognize and I have grown fond of over the years we’ve been together. Indeed, she may not sound nearly as youthful as she once did, but her voice isn’t the only memory I have of her, that I hold onto into our golden years. It is her, a combination of her, coupled with that voice, whether it changes or not that I would have grown fond of.
Kaori can sing and when I speak to her on the phone, I absolutely love her voice. It’s a perfect balance of girlishness and solidity.
And guess what? Kaori dreams. She has dreams, goals, visions, even the slightest ones. She is the type of girl I want to get a hug from and keep holding her for a few more moments, before letting her go and watch her walk through a field in her bare feet, dancing and swirling around enjoying the moment, the breeze, the mood. She is just that, on top of the fact that she is gorgeous, short – my gosh, short is good and through pure imagination, she would look fantastic wearing a kitty toque and fuzzy paws.
Anyway… Now as for Maho, she isn’t attractive for me because she is a cookie cutter personals’ ad. When I asked her what she thought her most attractive qualities were, she said, “I’m loyal, caring, considerate, generous and treat my man right. I love cooking (she’s a chef) and love animals and have good family values.” Yeah and I’m sure a hundred million other women don’t already say that about themselves eh?
Loyalty is circumstantial. If you don’t want to cheat on someone, you’re going to either a) continue to let your lover step all over you or b) ditch the bastard and find someone else to love. Therefore, saying “I am loyal” is a redundant statement. Loyalty is shown through being together. By saying it means nothing.
Caring, considerate, generous – well, I would think that’s a given. If you’re not, then it most likely means the guy you’re with doesn’t deserve it or he’s just not the guy you want.
“Love cooking” – good for her. I think this was her BEST quality and niche. I told her that since that was her best quality and niche, she should work on that some more. It doesn’t even have to be cooking exclusively. It could be attending workshops, clubs, conventions, even starting her own blog on the different foods she had experienced in her travels, etc.
Now the thing is, she wasn’t nearly as attractive because she constantly went from trying to be more to feeling less all the time. She constantly had to reassure herself that she wasn’t ugly or used as a sex object. Well, that was difficult because she honestly thought that if she liked a guy, it would be ‘obvious’ to give her body to that guy. In time, after going through roughly a dozen guys who slept with her, then never called back, she still continued to run that hamster wheel of despair. She was not able to grasp that she had already demeaned her own value, by making it easy access for guys she ‘liked’ to simply fuck her and leave.
In other words, she did not have enough attraction factors to attract the ‘good’ guys into her life, guys that will continue to be attracted to her. In those three years we were friends, honestly, the only attractive things about her were specific physical features coupled with her sexual willingness. More specifically, she was busty, she had a nice ass, she was completed bald down there, she was tight, she gave great head, she was willing to do anything except rim someone, get rimmed and eat crap. I mean, that’s awesome for sex alone, but there isn’t enough of anything else to make her stand out. Her personality lacks in depth. She is a cookie cutter girl who fantasizes about a mundane life, where her guy will live a mundane life with her. What type of guy would that be, that would go for a girl that lacked in personality depth?
You may think that I am being harsh, but I am being factual.