Mood: Settled
Drink: Sho Chiku Bai sake
Tune: “At Last” by Etta James
This sake isn’t bad at all. Sweet aroma, sweet first taste and hard when it’s in. Sounds like I’m talking about sex.
All this good sake and no one to share it with. Unlike my friends who still drink and used to drink, I will drink regardless if I have work or not the next day. It’s one of the little simple pleasures in life that is left to me. I just wish I can find a tune/song that will fit my mood right now. Normally, I would go out for a drive right now, but I don’t have a place I want to go to or drive around at. Too sleepy with the sake.
You know what is amazing? Me neither.
As a couple of you know, I had a super strange experience recently. I met this girl on the net and I found out some pretty big coincidences about her. Eg: where she is living at right now, her issues reflect mine but much more concentrated and her thoughts are more in-tuned with mine. This may not seem much for anyone reading this, but obviously, I am not detailing anything here.
The first week of our correspondence was quite strong. She poured her feelings out to me. I had reacted in haste, but I also confess that I am attracted to her. However, there was something she said that she worried about was that it seems that I am attracted to women that need me. That’s not entirely true, but it’s also not entirely false either.
Of course, I love it when a girl needs me and especially if she wants me for reasons beyond my ability to help. It reminds me that I am still useful, beyond the aid my parents desire from me. This concept had grown stale over the last few years, even when I had gained the attention of a few women in the last four years. The problem I face is that I attract those who love to flirt and to have fun. It makes me feel obsolete and unworthy. So it was nice that I was needed, even briefly.
Tune: “Trust in Me” by Etta James
[audio:03_Etta_James_-_Trust_In_Me_(At_Last!).mp3]After my cruise, I was suddenly faced with a ton of work to catch up. It wasn’t simply the strain of work, but also going back to reality. I had this conversation with Patrick a couple of days before we docked at Cape Canaveral actually. Plus, I was just so moody and had the ‘rocking’ feeling for a few days. I had received a ton of emails from her amongst other things and I only glanced through them. Since duty and responsibilities almost always take priority, I had to fend off responding to her, as well as dozens of other emails unrelated to her.
Now, this part irritated me, but it only irritated me days after it happened.
As most of you already know, I blog and write articles on various topics. This has been a constant hobby of mine for the last four years. One of these topics has always been about love and relationships. In fact, this subject has more output from me than religion and politics. However, talk about bad timing on my part because I had submitted a note at the web site I moderate at to do with girlfriends being needy and clingy. You see, this girl I met could be needy and clingy and she is, but she wasn’t the reason why I submitted that note. Prior to my correspondence with her, I had contributed to a forum on the exact same topic. I was also faced with a couple of emails that was sent to me during my cruise on this same thing. Since I needed more time to refocus my thoughts, I had submitted my thoughts to my profile on that web site, instead of entering a blog here.
You see? Why the heck would I submit ‘an attack’ on her so freakin indirectly, at a web site that she visits regularly? “Stooped so low?” [sigh] So guys/girls: when was the last time I stooped so freakin low to anyone? It’s just slightly irritating.I resent that because I don’t have the time nor the energy to do that. She had emailed me back afterward, but in her email it was simply so irritating to read. However, I have to forgive her because she doesn’t actually know me.
Alas, this set off an accusation of playing mind games on her. I did not respond to her email, nor her notes immediately. I was so tired from my sleeplessness, the freakin work I had to do and the abrupt stress I got again, that I was simply somewhat in shock. It didn’t get to me until days after – after she had seen my video response.
Alas, in my video letter to her, I told her that it was all in her head on all the damn negative things she assumed and thought of me. How can I be something that I haven’t done?
I enjoyed her thoughts and I really enjoyed listening to her podcasts. Alas, I felt it was going to be short-lived. Everything just happened so fast – so fast that it did not even register in my head. It felt like I was an ally trying to supply rations to her, then get attacked, mistaking me as the enemy, apologize, then repeat. STOP ATTACKING THE GUY WEARING THE MEDIC UNIFORM!
If only I could meet someone like her, but stretched out over a period of roughly half a year to a year. She would have made an interesting friend, possibly a confidant and potentially, a lover.