Amber and I signed up for Tinder. Within one month, she’s gotten 99+ which is actually nearly 300 Likes and about two dozen matches. For me, I got 10 Likes and one match. I unmatched the one match, because she messaged me “Hi, how are you?” which is the exact same words she used in her bio.
For me specifically, I am not particularly visually attractive to most people, I am not as fit as I used to be, I am 42, not tall, not short, with a tame lifestyle, and I am married in a non-monogamous relationship. Basically, I am not a catch for most women. I fit a very specific set of things that a very specific type of woman might want.
For Amber, she has one picture of herself up. A masked picture of her wearing glasses. From that, she got three dozen Likes, and about a dozen Matches. When she posted up a picture of herself wearing a snug mini-dress, black high heels, as a emo goth girl, her Likes and Matches rocketed.
Now, after awhile, after Amber already spoke to some of her Matches, while I keep swiping Left on 99.9% of the ones I see, we both came to the same conclusion. It’s too fucking annoying creating new relationships with people. It’s slow, it’s boring, it’s pretentious.
Amber matched with a transwoman who told her she precums a lot. Amber was hoping they can match up as friends, but the new lady ghosted her after a couple of weeks. It seemed like that person was looking for sex. Another older woman who looked pretty decent, right off the bat asked Amber if she wanted a romantic relationship, and is willing to meet up with Amber. Amber felt it was too forced, and unmatched her. Some men that messaged her obviously were looking for a fuck buddy, which Amber doesn’t want. Anyhow, she spoke to a few people, but at the end, found it all just one very daunting task, doing the same thing repeatedly with every new match.
On OkCupid, I didn’t fare better, though I did get 20 Likes with zero Matches. Amber had about fifty Likes and half a dozen Matches. I considered buying one month premium service just to see who Liked me. However, sometimes OkCupid will show you one person Likes you, with their name revealed, but you can’t click on their profile. That name however, was super familiar. So I did a search for FitWithColleen. Lone and behold, it’s a semi-famous Instagram model who basically will Like everyone on dating apps, just for men to check her out on social media. Basically, it’s a marketing gimmick. After that, I said “Fuck it”. I already know how premium membership works. I developed some previous sites that uses the same crooked system. Not proud of it, but that was a long time ago.
The one thing I like about OkCupid is its matching Q&A. There were two women, one older and one younger who Matched with me 99% on over 500 Q&A. The older one in married in a non-monogamous relationship, seeking a FWB, who is introverted and lives in Vancouver. Damn she was fine. The younger one, aged 33 I think, is into fencing, has an awesome bio, and understands flaws in people. However, even though I swiped right on both of them, I immediately disabled my account afterward.
I do not have low self esteem in the sense that I think poorly of myself. I have low confidence in the sense that I will disappoint myself in the process. It’s not like when I was in my 20’s, where 20% of everyone I messaged, they actually responded and about 40% of them hooked up with me. In this case, I have a lot of ‘baggage’ in the sense I am not young anymore, not fit, not as good looking, live a tamer lifestyle, is married, doesn’t make a lot of money – basically all the ‘superficial’ shit.
I can’t find someone who matches with me from a dating catalogue. I will have a much higher chance meeting a stranger off the streets, than I do with one of these dating sites, because in person, I can be me. I can be a multidimensional human being. On the internet, I am a two dimensional catalogue piece.