My wife and I decided last year to open up our marriage. After a few months of conversation and brainstorming, we created a set of core rules both of us abide by, as well as custom rules each of us have for the other spouse. You can read more about that here.
As many in the poly community may already know, there exist Poly Unicorn, but they are extremely rare. Basically, it’s a person who is in a sexual relationship with an existing couple. In that relationship triad, the existing couple is considered the primary relationship, and the Poly Unicorn is considered to be in a secondary relationship with them. Usually, those involved in the primary relationship would make all or most of the relationship rules, and the Poly Unicorn would have little or no say in them. Of course, it’s still considered ethical, if the Poly Unicorn acknowledges and agrees to those relationship rules, as well as accept their role in that relationship. It’s only unethical, if that Poly Unicorn is somehow coerced into that relationship, and treated poorly.
Now, I desire that concept for a Poly Unicorn triad. However, while the idea of a Poly Unicorn being used as my sex slave fancies my high sex drive, ultimately, I am not a fan of it. I prefer someone who is more dynamically connected to us, than just someone to be used. Thus, the Poly Narwhal. ^_^ The following are what I consider to be something along the lines of what I ultimately desire in a Poly Narwhal triad.
- The Basics: The individual is biologically a woman. She is bi-curious, bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual. I would consider a post-op transwoman but that’s a bit complex to get into here.
- Intimacy between Narwhal and my wife: She will have an intimate relationship with my wife, with perhaps some casual romance. They may experiment sexually to whatever degree they are both comfortable with.
- Relationship Roles: I will have the primary relationship with my wife, but the individual will primarily be involved with my wife, until one day, with an agreement between the both of them, engage with me intimately and/or romantically as well. Until then, my relationship with the individual is solely platonic.
- Sexual Engagement with me: It’s possible the individual engage sexually with me, but only if both of them agree to it. In which case, the individual would become my friend with benefits.
- Relationship Rules: Ultimately, although I have the primary relationship with my wife, the individual and my wife will have their own set of rules that will govern their relationship, under our primary relationship core rules that govern my wife and I.
It’s pretty straightforward, even if the above five points seem a bit wordy.
Now, I want to emphasize that all of the above are just concepts. They are not set in stone. In fact, my wife could very well just meet another woman who will primarily be platonic with Amber, but through conversation and consent, permit that other woman to have an intimate, sexual, and casual romance with me. It’s also possible that Amber would be involved in that more like a sister to her, than a lover. Basically, it’s whatever the dynamics of our relationship entails.
This sort of relationship idea, is perfect for a woman who doesn’t want to have a fully committed romantic relationship, but still desire intimacy. She would not necessarily be free to engage other people outside our triad, but ultimately, this is a rule that my wife and the Narwhal will set. Unless one day, we get a bigger house where she can live with us, she will not have a say in how our household executes our decisions. However, we would not mind having a special space for the Narwhal to store some of her personal things in our home, so she can feel like she is still a part of us, that we do want to be with her. Eg: perhaps I can clear our a drawer and some closet space for her. Perhaps, a space on the wall she can put some of her stuff on.
Anyhow, honestly though, I don’t know how we can find this Poly Narwhal. Neither Amber and I want to be involved with any poly groups. Also, I am primarily introverted, while Amber has to deal with PTSD, anxiety, and depression, even though she is certainly more ambivert or extroverted. Though, Amber is still quite shy. I’ve been the one to introduce her to most of her new friends. Alas, I am still glad that Amber and I want this. So this is putting it ‘out there’. Perhaps someone, who is either looking for something like this, or someone who never even considered it, but intrigues her, will read this and get in touch? Finding this Narwhal is probably just as difficult as matching all 7 numbers of the LottoMax, but we can still try. ♥
Here’s a four year old picture of Amber and I at my old townhouse. We pretty much still look the same though. Except Amber has black hair as of this post update.