For the next 35 days, from December 3rd, 2020 to January 7th, 2021, I make the vows to be the best I can be for my wife, for the relationship and for me. I originally thought I could make it once every three months to review my progress, but I should do this once a month, to see progress with more clarity. The purpose is to shed away my unwarranted pride, my unwavering fortitude as an asshole, to be a better friend, and to be the best lover my will and energy would allow me to, towards Amber. So to keep this short and to the point, my 5 New Vows are…
- To cherish her. She frequently has her downs and I always need her to communicate to me when something is wrong, even when I know something is wrong. I can’t allow that to happen. I must accept that she has her lows, even when she doesn’t communicate it with me. Therefore, at the first sign of her having her low, I shall ask if she is down and she will tell me accordingly. However, regardless what she says, I will act positively and give her space. I will not intrude in her private space, unless she permit me to or she takes me into her space willingly.
- To adore her. I am my father. I am harsh, blunt, and an insufferable fucking piece of shit. I need to treat her as if she is my life partner that is fragile and sensitive, even if she isn’t. I won’t patronize her. I will respect her. I will respect her choices, but remind her what needs to be done, but not push them onto her, nor nag her. If she cannot do it for whatever reason, then I will step in to do it for her, unless it’s something personal. If it’s personal, then she needs to do it herself, because it isn’t in my place to do it for her, such as a problem between friends, or an act she has to do on her own. I will love her and I will be kind to her.
- Take no as the absolute answer. She shouldn’t need to say no more than once. I will accept her first no without hurt nor irritation, just as I prefer if it was the other way around.
- Always make sure the home is clean and tidy. She works hard long thankless hours. I will make sure the home is tidy and clean 95% of the time. This means I shall vacuum at least once a week and take out the trash, as well as recyclables when they are full. I will make sure the home is tidy and organized.
- Remove my critical reactions of her. I am my father and worst. When she screws up almost anything, I take it extremely badly because I don’t see the mistake as a singular fault. I see the mistake as a starting point that form a chain of events that when seen in its entirety, means she is a critical failure. The butterfly effect. However, this is wrong because Amber is a human individual with a very long and complicated series of forks that make her the way she is. Just as I am an individual with a very long and complicated series of forks that make me the way I am. Instead of being critical and see an entire chain of events possibly unfold, I should always be empathetic and even if she repeats the same mistake a hundred billion times, even if I feel it is critically pathetic, I shall not be a critical asshole. I shall instead be patient and when I cannot, I shall not take it out on her. I shall only sigh, remove myself from the situation and remind myself the first two vows above, by reading and meditating on my own words. I shall NOT be the monster she silently hates me for being.
This I promise. 2020/12/03. Leeman.