Earthly Concepts

I Don’t Have It But My Brain Wants To Believe It Does

The problem with the internet, is that it’s easy misinformation at the finger tips of the willing and even, the unwilling. It’s a blessing in the sense that people can use it to further their knowledge, but it’s a curse because it can misinform you on so many different things. It’s not event that sometimes. Sometimes, it’s tricking your brain into believing you have something you don’t. “My throat is sore. IT MUST BE CANCER BECAUSE THESE WEBSITES SAYS IT IS!!!!1!” <– FULL STOP! You got a sore throat for sucking too many cocks the other night.

On November 12th, a week after being tested positive for Covid-19, I used a nasal decongestant called Drixoral I bought off Amazon. I had been dealing with nasal congestion for a few days and had bad sleep. One spray up both my nostrils each and almost immediately, they cleared up. “I COULD BREATHE AGAIN! WHAT A BLESSING!” Then the evening came. I tried sleeping. Somehow, nothing worked. I noticed my nostrils were super clear and felt shortness of breath, which was a thing during the week leading up to that day. So I looked it up. Found out that Empty Nose Syndrome is a thing, but I wasn’t convinced it’s that, even though ALL OF MY SYMPTOMS SAYS IT WAS!!!!1!!1!!!!!

  1. I couldn’t feel air going through my nasal passages.
  2. Feel like I am not getting a full lung of breath, which was true.
  3. Felt coldness at the back of my throat.

Suddenly, I had Empty Nose Syndrome without properly reading HOW people get it. OBVIOUSLY I DON’T HAVE EMPTY NOSE SYNDROME BECAUSE I WAS ABLE TO SLEEP 1.5 DAYS LATER with some self-served CBT. ♥

However, now it’s too late. My brain has been made aware that ENS is a thing and my breathing issue without congestion ‘might’ be it. I say ‘might’ because earlier today, after taking steroid nasal spray for three and a half weeks, my congested sinuses finally started to open up, but since it felt kind of sudden, my brain along with some PTSD from November 13th tried to convince itself that have ENS. Alas, my brain isn’t full convinced because…

  1. Even though I couldn’t feel air going through my nasal passages, my nose can. Meaning, the opening of my nostrils can. So I know air is going into my nose.
  2. Shortness of breath is no longer a thing. I am able to get a full lung of breath. Only uncommonly do I still get it, but I had this issue LONG BEFORE I had Covid-19.
  3. Felt overly sensitive with the cold air at the back of my throat, as well as through my turbinates.

For #3, turbinate reduction surgery is the number one primary reason for ENS. I never had any type of nasal surgery, let along turbinate reduction surgery. On top of that, while aging may also cause ENS, I am 43. Lastly, trauma to the nose can also cause ENS, but the only trauma is constant congestion from long-Covid.That is why my brain isn’t convinced that I have ENS, even though it wants to.

For the last couple of days, I had to deal with a cold virus, which has been a sort of blessing.

  1. I am no longer congested through long-Covid. I am congested by snot. Snot that I can blow out and breathe.
  2. My nasal passages are constantly being lubricated by this extra mucous.
  3. I can breathe again, like I did prior to having Covid-19.

I had an ENS ‘scare’ this afternoon because my clear breathing felt a bit like ENS, but I tried talking myself out of it by telling myself that I’ve had ALL of these symptoms BEFORE COVID-19 and I was fine then.

So here’s the thing. For those who have a history of OCD, depression, and anxiety, be very careful what sort of dec0ngestants you take. Empty Nose Syndrome is real and has driven many people to suicide. It has a 2% to 20% chance of happening to people who do turbinate reduction. It has no cure at the moment. So if you have chronic sinusitis or other similar ailments, do everything else you can, before considering the nasal surgery. For the rest of you, who are going through long-Covid, don’t do the surgery. Try to let nature take its course. Hopefully, this cold will help ‘cure’ my long-Covid congestion and afterwards, hopefully my brain doesn’t convince itself that it’s ENS just because I can breathe like I used to.

That’s the kicker. I’ve been breathing like this prior to Covid-19 for decades. I fucking hate that the last two months put me on this roller coaster of acute anxiety and depression. For example, when I finally got out of bed today at 4:30pm, I had to deal with three hours of depression because somehow finally able to slowly get out of it, have some dinner, and play Stardew Valley with Amber, did some chores in the kitchen, put away laundry, and tuck Amber into bed, then finally do this blog entry.

Covid-19 sucks. I hope no one ever gets it, and if they do, I hope they never have to go through the things I did. PTSD can result from all of this. I wish there was a cure to Covid, and I wish there aren’t Covid-19 deniers, believing it’s simply a flu. It’s not. It doesn’t matter that Covid-19 didn’t kill as many people as the regular flu. It only matters what Covid can do to someone afterwards.

Regardless, gotta keep at the positive Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and really, just fucking stop reading the internet. The thing with Covid is that we got vaccinated and that’s just about as much as one can do, besides staying apart, and wearing a mask outside with other people. Having money and not needing to be outside with other people also helps greatly. 😉

 

 

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Disclaimer

Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)