Earthly Concepts

Setting Fire To Straw Men

So a few weeks ago, I posted up a comment on an Instagram “Am I The Jerk?” post. It was in response to this: I (28F) feel bitter about how much my boyfriend (30M) is willing to spend on an engagement ring. The original story/post is as quoted here.

ThrowRA_Fun-Escape 1171 2021-07-14 16:04:57

Hi reddit, I don’t know if I’m looking for any real advice here but I want to get this off my chest.

Recently my boyfriend and I had a conversation about engagement and getting married. He brought up that he’s looking at rings and shocked by how expensive they are, and that the cheapest diamonod rings start at around $1500. And then he went on about how he’d probably spend around 3k and if there were a ring that’s 3k and one that’s 6k he’d rather go for the one that’s 3k.

Now 3k may not sound like a small amount of money, but here’s the context, he makes 120k a year with about $6500 take home after tax each month, and I make 250k a year, so it’s safe to say I’m not marrying him for the money. The upsetting part is he spent 80k on his truck, recently just bought a 5k tent, and now is talking about getting a boat in the future for 13k.

I feel really bitter every time he talks about this boat of his dreams to the point I just don’t feel like talking to him right now, I feel he’s being cheap when it comes to making me happy and I don’t feel as important as his interest or hobbies, it’s even made me question if he’s really the right person to marry.

Eventually, I received a few replies. The back and forth eventually ended with straw man fallacies from all attacking parties against my comment. Starting with my original comment, here was how it went…

A truck is useful. A ring isn’t. Crazy how so many people put value to a multi digit cost ring, but think a driveable and useful truck is a toy. My wife’s engagement ring was 10 euros. Our 655 sq ft apartment I bought in cash in Metro Vancouver after was $300k.

I mean a ten euro ring is not good quality and would ware down or break over time, most people want engagement rinhs that will last

@atomicyawn do you want a house that will last or a ring that will last? My apartment was $290,000 in 2017. It’s $450,000 today. You still think a $20,000 ring is worth it? I don’t.

You realise there is a lot of room between 10 euro and 20,000 right?

Ideally most people would like both and it’s not that unachievable idk where you came up with 20,000 from but there are a lot of other options

@atomicyawn fortunately I am not most people. A ring has sentimental value, but 20k or even 2k is wasteful.

Yeah but you can find a nice good quality band for like 70 t0 150 to 200 it doesn’t even have to be 2k

@atomicyawn right, but the original post was about a 6k ring.

Okay and this whole time we have been talking about your ten euro ring, not the post…

@atomicyawn I was responding to the post, saying it’s ridiculous to spend thousands of dollars for a ring, when you can use the same amount for better more useful things.

@atomicyawn you’re trying to talk to a brick wall. Good effort, but it’s not going to go anywhere haha

@r_l550 the pot calling the kettle black. A house means security and shelter. A $6000 ring is just an expensive you wear.

@r_l550 he’s still replying with random very expensive ring prices as if I didn’t say 70-200 ????

Crazy it also says non-monogamous I feel bad for your “wife”

@atomicyawn it doesn’t matter what you’re saying about ring prices. It only matters what the original story was about, and it was about a ring that cost a few thousand versus a truck. You are the one taking things out of topic. You’re using straw man to justify your point of view.

@dr3ameater of course you do, because you’re superficial basing love on the cost of a ring.

In short, atomicyawn should have stuck with the story’s original topic and not go off on a tangent to give advice to me on an engagement ring I got my wife 12 years ago. Which by the way, SHE chose. At the time, I even said to her that I could get her something better, like around 60 to 100 Euros, but she insisted on the 10 Euro engagement ring. Now, I am not going to bring my story into the responses to these three idiots I have been responding to. However, I find it annoying that often times, strangers on the internet will make all sorts of assumptions and judgment about other strangers on the internet, based on the super limited information they have about the person. Of course, this is what Tom meant when he said, “Stop arguing with strangers on the internet.” Still, when atomicyawn kept insisting on getting a 70 to 200 Euro ring to me, I was shaking my head because at that point, he was under the assumption I was arguing against his posts. I wasn’t. I was arguing WHY he’s still responding to me with ring costs. He should direct his advice to the story’s original poster. My engagement ring was 12 years ago. The story’s engagement ring happened 2.5 years ago. Perhaps they’re not married yet. Perhaps atomicyawn should reach out to the original story poster and suggest a 70 to 200 Euro ring?

r_l550 would think atomicyawn was talking to a brick wall (me) especially on how he responded back to r_l550, but I digress. They’re both talking out of context and out of topic. Why in the nine cat hells are they so hellbent in trying to convince me what an engagement ring should or should not cost? Convince the original story poster instead.

As for dr3ameater saying she feels bad for my ‘wife’, whatever the quotations mean, well, she can fuck herself. What’s irritatingly funny about what she said about feeling bad for my wife, it is in fact, my wife is the one who wishes to have a relationship with another woman. I was the one who helped her set up her OkCupid account. “Crazy” right? All these superficially judgmental people on the internet, with absolutely no context, picking at straws to attack a comment I made about the original story, just to put their ego on a pedestal for a momentarily self worship.

How quaint.

1 thought on “Setting Fire To Straw Men

  1. And that is why you don’t argue with people on the internet. Like you said, they don’t know anything about you, but just like vultures on a carcass, they want to tear you apart. And with every peck into the flesh, they feel better and better about themselves, until they clearly have absolutely no clue -what- they are even arguing about. Combine that with the group mentality of a second and third vulture joining the feast, and you have no chance of making yourself clear or telling them that they missed the point. Perhaps their point, from the start, was just to gorge themselves.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

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