Friendships gained and lost. Girlfriends, lovers, fuck buddies, flings, and a wife. Surgeries, endless medical exams, and health scares. Moving out into my own apartment, having my own dog, living with my wife, being together for ten years, being married for seven, and recently opening up our marriage. Basically, a lot of things has happened and if life would continue to permit me, more things will happen to me in the decades to come. However, the question comes down to: will this blog be my companion through and through, or would it devolve itself back into that trash I put up with from revision 12 to revision 13? Basically during those two revisions, I posted up a lot of things about politics and society. They were primarily about injustice and things taken out of context. While I know my thoughts and feelings coinciding politics and society is a fragment of my personality, ultimately, I felt like those sort of blog entries were dirty in some regard. Leemanism was always about me and those around me. Sure, I care about the health of society to some degree, but there are better people suited to make stances against injustices around the world. I’ll donate if I can, lend a voice whenever externally, but I wish to keep Leemanism as pure of its original intent as possible. Also, you will notice that my blog is completely empty prior to this blog post. I decided I want to start mostly anew.
Leemanism is the result of dividing my soul up into three facets of virtual existence. At one time, for a long time, it all existed as one entity, in relative peace with itself. However, after a series of events from 2009 to 2011 happened, that peace was broken. Parts of what I felt should be drifted away. I found it difficult to express myself the way I used to. Perhaps it was my aging process coinciding my overall outlook in life. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, and even today, 2020-09-06, I still only have a slight idea.
From 2011 onward, Leemanism continued to drift aimlessly, occasionally allowing me a platform in which to express various states of my mental being. After realizing depression has a lot to do with everything that had happened and how it concluded how Leemanism came to be, I tried different approaches in trying to restart my blogging aims. I tried separating the old blog entries from the new. I tried stylizing a self-help lifestyle coaching concept to the blog. I tried merging everything together again and show the world that there are visible milestones on what I have become. I tried everything I could realistically think of.
The unfortunate fact was that there was a history there. That history isn’t bad. It didn’t paint me in a bad light. My issue was that the history I have on there felt like an anchor that dragged me down. I felt like I wasn’t going where I want to. Perhaps a better way of saying what I mean, is that I felt like I no longer want to be a station wagon on an endless road trip, where I’ve already seen all there is to see. It felt like I should already have boarded a ferry, trade in my car for a seaplane, take off into the clouds, grab onto a passing hot air balloon, drift into low orbit, hitch a ride in a rocket ship, and enlist with the Super Dimension Fortress Macross. Yet there I was, still barely driving my station wagon, carrying a huge load of a mixture of stories that felt like a waste of time. Worst yet, I gained a few pounds, and the air conditioner no longer work.
Since 2011, Leemanism became primarily a place where I ranted about the injustices of the world, to call out stupidity and to explain context where people often take most things out of context. Every now and then, I would enter something personal, but at the end of the day, I didn’t like mixing shit up. When people used to go to Leemanism, they went there to read about my life and the people associated to it. A lot of people told me they felt they were living vicariously through me. I felt that 2011+ turned Leemanism into something else I wasn’t particularly proud of. There are many blogs out there that rant about worldly shit – politics, society, human rights, so on and so forth. I guess, as I aged, I felt that speaking up against the injustices of the world was more important than just talking about myself. However, I didn’t like doing that to Leemanism.
So finally, right at the very end of August 2020, I did the unthinkable. I divided up Leemanism into three facets. I backed up all 700+ blog posts, deleted them off the site, then started my blog entries anew. Leemanism.com briefly became my creative outlet in photography and digital artwork, but decided to move them to BeautyWithinDarkness.com. Thus Leemanism.com is as of 2020-12-19, has gone back to its roots. ThoughtRobots.com will become my Q&A Relationships advice site, but that will come about in the future sometime.
As one, they represent me. Apart, they represent the different aspects of my psyche. I am now able to continue how I want, with the stories of my past intact, my concepts of principles creating a framework of self governance, as well as the platform in which to truly express my thoughts and feelings in full without feeling like I am forcing the current evolution of myself into a shape of my past.
If you have read this far, thank you for joining me here as I continue this adventure. Note that revision 17 is different than most of my previous blog revisions, namely that I will be a lot more direct, way less long winded, and I will pretty much say what’s on my mind right off the bat, holding myself back a little. Also I won’t be able to upload any naked pictures of men and women, as NameCheap is squeamish about such things. That was the only thing GoDaddy was good for.