First, I would like to say that DearCupid.org is an excellent place to seek out open help from willing volunteer moderators, various contributors, and Andrew the operator and admin guy. Second, I would like to give a sincere apology to those that have put up with my shit from time to time. Lastly, here is my vent/rant post in continuance with the one I made on DC a couple of days ago.
There was a main site thread I replied to about porn again. Ms. Anti-Porn Anon always makes comments like “You see how porn has affected young women?! Porn is bad, and it poisons the mind of all men who use them. Porn and the men who use them have absolutely no respect for women around the world.”
In almost all of my porn comments at DC, I argued about moderation, but Ms. Anti-Porn Anon always come back to attack me by saying “For you to come back with such aggression, it means I’ve hit a nerve of yours. For you to have such a large reaction clearly means your justifications on the usage of porn is weak and unworthy of my or anyone’s attention.” Etc, etc…
Now for the bulk of you whom have grown up with me, been through shit together, been through the goods as well as the depressive states, the pains and laughters, and all the relationships you and I have gone through, when have I raised the slightest hint that I am disrespectful towards women? On top of that, despite that I work my ass off for certain spoiled illogical clients so my dad will worry less, and my mom to not have to put in so much hours, despite all that, have I ever suggested that I do not recognized the greatest women of today – the moms that give birth to us, raise us, and love and put us before themselves, saving the last piece of cake for us, rather than indulge in it themselves, buy us toys, read bedtime stories for us, and scare away the monsters in our closet…? Have I ever hinted or suggested that women were useless, unworthy, and secondary?
In fact, didn’t I tell some of you I would rather have a daughter one day than a son? I want a daughter because I know the world today is a man’s world. If she succeeded in whatever endeavors she wish to partake with my guidance, I would be so proud of that sort of feat. That’s the short of it anyway.
Of course, I understand that the Ms. Anti-Martini Anons would category me into one narrowminded ideal, that I am a bad man, that I disrespect all women because I like to look at naked, semi-naked, and clothed women, and women in sexual positions and activities. I understand, but I also have my limits in being understanding.
Ms. Anti-Porn/Anti-Martini said that I had a huge reaction to her words, that it hit a nerve somewhere, that my justification on the usage of porn is weak and unworthy of any woman who want to be with me, etc, etc, but what my huge reaction originated from was not related to that at all. My huge reaction was related to her narrowmindedness as well as categorizing me under one heading.
I made an example of cannabis users and alcohol users. I asked in the forum whether all pot smokers are dope heads, and whether all alcohol users are drunk drivers. I used to drink a lot back in the day, but never drink to try to get drunk. I felt it was unruly and irresponsible, though I have gotten drunk before on various occasions. Today, for the last few years however, I’ve switched over to drinking socially and very rarely when by myself – maybe a glass of Port or a bottle of beer once every two or three months, depending on the setting.
Anyway, Ms. Anti-Martini/Anti-Porn Anon made a point that there are some women in porn that were abused and treated very poorly. Well, I agree. That is something that happens in all subjects of our life in the world. Families torn apart by alcoholism, drug use, gangs, violence, and so on and so forth. That is in every aspect of the world, including the higher profilizations of corporate abuse – intranet invasions, mass portfolio theft, information leak, corporate sabotage and espionage. Everything we do as individuals can lead to any form, any degree of crime – porn being one of them.
Personally, I love the shape and structure of the female body. I love it so much that I have the majority of my comics, my posters, my wallpapers, my computer role playing game characters as females. When I am with someone intimately, I adore her for everything she is/was. Aside from her mentality, her emotions, her intelligence, and what she has done for me, for us, I chose her, thus I chose her body. Like Cindy, when we first started out, she weighed about 105. Near the end of our relationship, she weighed about 115, sometimes almost 120. The extra meat on a 5-4 body was totally cool with me. She wanted to lose weight, but I was like “No! You don’t have to! You’re so cute.” Etc, etc, etc.
It’s all about dynamics – body, mind, everything. I am the type who is more inclined to mind than body, though body does come in second place if I have to put a label to it.
With that said, I look at porn and I look at all types. Laura even asked me a few weeks ago why I am looking at chubby girls, and I told her that, some of them look really good desite the fat. Some of them look better with more fat and/or meat. Personally, I have been attracted to any female from chubby to skinny, but I totally prefer someone in between in terms of looks.
I don’t look at porn on the pretense that these women were abused. I don’t look at porn because I want to abuse these women or ANY women. I don’t look at porn because I want to disrespect them. It’s just like those who enjoy a glass of wine or a bottle of beer – if what Ms. Anti-Porn said is correct, then everyone who enjoys wine and beer are being disrespectful towards those whom have been abused by alcoholism.
Now with the case of porn, I know there are women AND men out there that have been abused, but she can’t say that the majority of them or most of them have been abused. These men and women who chose this sort of career – like Asia Carerra, who actually went to school, took a programming and web design program and is running her own porn site from her home – these people don’t have that abusive trait. Not ALL men and women in porn choose to do this career because they were forced to. Just as I who love to look at nude women aren’t an abusive man. If I was, I wouldn’t have these sort of friends, nor would I have the type of girlfriends I had, nor would my parents be the way they are.
Yes, some of those men and women in porn were abused, but to justify by saying that the usage of porn is the biggest cause for disrespect towards women and men is a huge inaccuracy. I love women. I love their shape. To that of my personal tastes, I love everything about them. I am human. I am a man. I love women.
In fact, if Ms.Anti-Martini/Anti-Porn Anon would stop for once and look at the entirety of the picture rather than the first sentence or the first pixel, she will see that on the contrary of disrespecting women, I am actually adoring women as a whole in a visual sense. I love women. If I am not sexually charged by looking at a woman posing nude, semi-nude, or clothed, than I am simply not loving women at all.
If Ms. Anon would put down her damn narrowmindedness for once, she should realize that there is more to this whole porn factor than just simply pointing fingers and saying that all men who look at porn are bad people and losers. Some men and women are fucked in the head. Some aren’t. Just like not all police officers are good people, and not all criminals are bad people.
When in marriage or in an intimate relationship, porn usage should be in moderation. If your wife or husband suggests that it hurts them, work towards a compromise. If a compromise is not good, you have a choice – A) continue porning, or B) make porn with your lover, or C) maybe the relationship isn’t right for you, and consider to move on.
Not everything we do in the world is always black and white. I know women who love porn, who love masturbating and who love sex more than their boyfriends. I know women who enjoy watching lesbian porn. I know gay men who love watching male porn.
I told myself that if I go back to DC, I am going to cause more rifts and more tsunami’s to appear. To keep DearCupid clean, I have decided to stop going back there. It was an addiction, and it really helped me with a lot of things. It gave me perspective and a lot of people there were great. I know I’ve said I would retire twice already in the past, but as with my thingy between Mr. Ottawa and Ms. Vancouver, I have decided to just not go back to it. Always believe in the greater whole.
As for the Ms. Anti-Porn/Anti-Martini Anons, I’m sure someone else can smack her narrow ass for me instead. [bows]