One time, I came across a post on Quora about feminism. Specifically, a woman ended her post rhetorically asking, “What’s your excuse for not being a feminist?”
Simply put, I am not a feminist because I am not an activist. For clarification, none of the bolded points in this article by The City Girls Club titled “Every Excuse for Not Calling Yourself a Feminist” relates to me, because I don’t think like that at all. If you want to call yourself a feminist for whatever related reason, it’s your right. Just as it’s my right not to call myself a feminist, for whatever reason.
I believe in equal opportunities, so long as people have the matching skills needed for those opportunities, but it doesn’t make me an activist about it. I also believe individuals can be superior or inferior dependent on the exact traits they have or do not have. I also believe both men and women can get raped, can be cat called, be sexist and face sexism, experience discrimination based solely on their sex or gender, etc.
I am vocal about this when I feel like hitting back at the oddball asshole who thinks of women as inferior. I also do this coinciding serious topics that talk about men as being inferior. I stay silent most of the time, when I am surrounded by extremely ignorant people who think feminism is a cop-out for female superiority. I also stay silent most of the time, when I am surrounded by extremely ignorant people who love getting each other off, repeating the same echo chamber bullshit over and over again. In the uncommon times I speak up against that echo chamber, is because I’ve had enough of their disgusting anti-education, all-encompassing bullshit, that I must make a shining light example amongst that cesspool of ignorant vomit. However, I am not an activist.
Aarya Sen pretty much sums up my take on why I am not a feminist.
The same reason why I am a student but I don’t call myself a Taliban.
The same reason why I sympathize with the poor but am not a communist.
The same reason why I hate fascism but I’m not Antifa.
The same reason why I write about men’s rights but I’m not MRA.
Now, of course, if you come at me and say I am not helping the liberation of women from toxic and abusive environments, you’re right for the most part. Where you’re wrong is that I don’t discriminate against either men or women based solely on their gender and sex. I will discriminate solely on their skill and ability. If I feel you cannot do the job that is needed, then you will simply not get hired. Period. You can also not accuse me being sexist, for hiring more men into our projects than women, when more men apply to the jobs than women. Of the dozens of projects I’ve been involved in over the last twenty years, only three women have applied. I hired one of those women to do marketing for three of the companies I co-founded. So it’s not that I didn’t want to hire more women. It was because more men applied for the positions than women did. For our gaming company, of the four artists that were available, three of them were women. I hired one woman, got one guy to do some pro-bono work, and another woman to do some drawings in which we’ll pay her when we get some cash. The third girl wasn’t available after speaking to her more about the project. So as you can see, it depends on availability and situation. That is of course, I am speaking about my personal experience. I am not saying women don’t face sexist work place antics. I am saying I personally wouldn’t discriminated just because you’re female.
What you got right, is that I don’t go out of my way to join an organization to assertively rescue these women. Nor am I beacon of hope and promise for these women. I don’t volunteer my time at a women’s shelter. My life does not revolve around helping women, nor others in fact. My life revolves around helping myself, my family and my friends. I donate when I can to organizations that support veterans, Canadian Feed the Children, MADD, Cops for Cancer, Ride to Conquer Cancer, and other charities. I personally make about $10,000 Cdn per year on average. Not much as you can see, but I try. Living in Metro Vancouver, which is one of the ten most expensive metropolitans to live in the world is not easy. Though I’m sure if you live in the slums of a third world country, anywhere is better than there. I even gave a homeless person $20, when I deposited a cheque for $150, from work I did at $19/hr. My friend who accompanied me to the bank that evening even remarked, “You should keep that for yourself. You need it.” Which I answered, “Yes, but I’m sure he can use it too. I’ll just work more next time.” At least I had a job. That homeless guy didn’t.
However, all of this is a personal choice. None of you are entitled to my hard earned money. Just as none of you are entitled to my time, unless I give you permission to take it. Will I help an abused woman, if she is right in front of me? I will certainly try. Will I hire a woman, solely because she needs a job? I might, but not because she is a woman, but because there is a human being that needs a job. If she comes out negative on the skills and abilities I need for software architect, then I may find her another position suitable for her. So in this regard, I might spend a bit more time helping this person look for a job, than not.
Am I selfish? Of course I am. I’m turning 41 soon. I’ve learned not long ago, that it’s better to be selfish, to distribute my time, my energy and my money properly, than to splurge it on many different things. I wish I had learned that in my late teens.
Before I sign off, I would like to link you to an article by Suzannah Weiss, titled “MRA Arguments That Actually Have a Point – And Where They Go Wrong“. I don’t normally choose to look up articles written by feminists, but here is a good one that addresses the Men’s Rights Activists. It’s objective and actually defines feminism well – that is, what feminism actually does to help unify men and women together into multi variable roles based on ability, rather than by their gender and sex. Of course, remember, men cannot get pregnant and do not get periods. So until men can get pregnant and get periods, that specific portion of your natural anatomy can never be argued, because there is no argument. 😉
I would like to point out that I make more than three times less than my wife in terms of income. I work from home and I do most of the household chores. Over ten years ago, I used to make almost double of what my wife makes now. I also bought this apartment, paid fully in cash. So it isn’t because I am a lazy leech. It’s because times has changed and it’s a good thing to make adjustments to those changes, so everyone can benefit in some regard. In certain situations equity is more important than equality when it comes to what individuals can provide. However, in opportunity for entrance and advancement, equality is important because their skill and ability outweighs everything else. How else would you know if person X would ever give your company rise in power and influence, if you never gave them the chance in the first place? Only in a company and environment of massive unfair subjugation, would any particular group of people have superiority over others.
In short, the only activism I strongly care about is my own. 😉