The Muffin Game

5:12pm

[“Octopus City” by Url]

This is a tune I’ve been listening to since last night by the digital music collective known as Kahvi. Albert, it’s release 201 by Url.

I haven’t listened to any underground stuff for a long time, but ever since Pat decided to create his own stuff with Fruity Loops and Reason, I have been considering to get back into tracking, but it takes so much creativity out of me. One of the reasons it was so natural for me back in the mid to late 90’s was because depression and anger fueled my desire to track.

Anyway, I wanted to enter this entry because I had a conversation with a female friend about falling in love with a guy who’s like the perfect prince to her, but she’s heartbroken because she also won’t allow herself to date him. So she called me to vent. I’m posting this up with her anonymity as well as the fact that it reminds me of another one of my female friends whom has had this problem as well. Honestly, I find it ridiculous and I didn’t agree to any one of her points. It was just frustrating for me to listen.

[sigh] Silly silly girl. I say, all you need to do is exile yourself in a place full of your ‘type’ of people. Maybe you’ll find that perfect prince again with the same religion as yours.

As all of you know, to me personally, I am against religious doctrine, but I do understand why it’s needed.

One of the major reasons why I admire and look up to Jonathan (Fong Pei) is because of his internal strength and togetherness. He’s calm, and doesn’t get angry nor does he panick. Only times I have ever seen him angry was on two occasions in last last 12 years I’ve known and have been friends/family with him. Since high school til now, his character hasn’t changed much, and I don’t see why he needs to be changed. From day one that I’ve met him to now, he’s as calm as ever, as collected and as stable in the mind as ever. In fact, if I am a weak person myself, I might even create a religion around him. [laughs] I’ll call it Jonathan and followers will be known as Jonathans. “Those Jonathans are wicked! Let’s convert!”

Joking aside, the friend who called me will be known as Muffin. So out of the blue, my cell rang and I picked up to hear the sobbing of Muffin. At first, I thought it was ‘you know who from my password protected’ who called me again about you know what. Alas, I was fortunate and it wasn’t. Immediately, I sighed and asked, “Is that you, Muffin?”

The last time I talked to her was at least 8 months ago or something like that. After waiting for her to sob it mostly out, she finally said something coherent. I tried in my limited power to try to cheer her up and eventually after an hour later, she told me what was going on. I listened and listened and listened and made occasional “mhm’s” along the way. Whenever she asked me “Do you know what I mean?”, I always answered, “Yes, yes I do.”

Afterwards, she thanked me and asked to see me. Alas, I declined and told her I needed to do my work which has been piling up on me forever. I also felt that she really didn’t need to see me. It was just her way of trying to thank me in person. So if you (Muffin) reads this, you don’t need to thank me. Just be glad I didn’t scold you on the spot. Though next time you ball your eyes out again, don’t hesitate to call and vent to me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

To celebrate this moment of Leemanism, I present to you:

pwned.jpg

Basically, this is what she told me – she met a guy a few months ago. They hit it off really well. The guy is well established, charming, sweet, considerate, sporty, masculine, family-oriented and reads the Art of War, and practices Aikido as a hobby. He’s a bit older than her, in his mid 30’s and lives on his own. He has a great family, lots of brothers and a younger sister whom they are very close. He’s supposedly a great cook, does a lot of charity work, and backpacks around China. She even said I would like him, and I’m sure as he reminds me a lot like Albert, Pat, and Jon. Yaddi, yadda, etc, etc, etc.

I have to admit, when she was telling me all that, I had the urge to say, “Just get to the point!” Alas, I was nice and considerate enough not to. Hehe… ๐Ÿ˜‰

All these great comments as well as some particulars, she finally got to the damn point and said, “But I’m heartbroken Leeman! It’s driving me insane! I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about him. I go through work thinking about him! Everything I do from getting up, eating, and walking my dog, I am reminded of him!”

Please note that Muffin is an independent, well-educated young woman. She can take care of herself. So I was a bit surprised to have heard that from her.

I asked said after her rant, “Ah I see… Let me guess, you’re not together with him for a reason that exceeds all reasoning?”

That was actually meant to be semi-offensive to her, but she asked me “My parents don’t agree to it! My friends tell me that I can do better! BUT I CAN’T! HE IS THE BEST and I have never met anyone like him nor do I think I will ever meet anyone like that again!”

I listened more about her rants for a few minutes and I finally interrupted her, “I’m sorry Muffin, but I have a feeling that you’re trying to avoid the real subject here. So far, you’ve told me about him, how you feel about him, and how your family friends don’t agree with you about him. Ultimately and remember, this is about you and him and no one else. Please just get to the point, though I know you wish to tell me more about how perfectly missile shaped his cock is and his perfect smile can make any woman faint, etc.”

At least she laughed a bit to that last comment, then she finally said the “R” word. Can anyone guess what that “R” word is? [grins] That “R” word is “Religion”.

In her exact words, “We believe in different things. Our religion is different.”

I asked her, “Let me guess – he won’t convert right?”

That set off another bout of light sobbing, and we didn’t say anything for the longest time when she finally asked me, “What are you thinking about?”

I had a vague smirk on my face and asked, “What do you expect me to think?”

She answered, “I know you’re not big on religion, least of all with your experiences in Christianity, but I called you because I trust your opinion.”

I laughed and said, “Then trust me when I say that I am probably the worst person to go to if you’re coming to me about religion.” Alas, all she said after my comment was, “Please Leeman! Please tell me what your thoughts are!”

Coupled with excessive sighing, I told her my thoughts. In short, I said to her that religion and Christianity is her forte. Without it, she would be lost. I also told her that she shouldn’t stop believing in it nor should she compromise her beliefs for anyone or anything. Though mind you, I don’t actually believe in this. I said this to her because this is what she could only hear – I was sure of it. If I had told her otherwise, she wouldn’t actually have heard what I said.

I told her that though my personal beliefs are against religion as a whole, I understand why religion needs to exist in the world. You see, Muffin grew up in a Christian family since birth. When we first met and in the two years that followed after that, she has met three guys whom she dated but left her. With every passing relationship that failed, she turned to religion and poured her heart into it. In fact, I even remarked once to her, “You don’t need a man! Just marry Jesus!”

Near the end of our 2.5 hour conversation – or rather, her conversation, she asked me, “It hurts so much Leeman, to leave the one you love so much.”

I was hesitant but I finally replied, “Life is glorious, but whatever makes religion a religion really sucks that glory out of life. That guy is there, and he hasn’t even moved. You pressed that pain upon yourself and you’re leaving a perfect lover behind for something that has caused you vague happiness. Throughout the last three years we’ve talked and stuff, where has there been one instance you needed Christianity aside from getting hurt every time? Think about it Muffin. Internal strength is about yourself, in your heart. What gives us equanimity is not what religion can give us. What gives us equanimity is through internal will.”

She was quiet and she listened, and I ended my comment with, “To be faithful to God, you just have to believe in yourself and what your heart desires. To be faithful to God, you don’t need religion to dictate what you believe in. The decay to Life is the restrictive measures of religious doctrine. The growth of Life is the innate ability for oneself to grow with Life. The fact we weren’t born religious means it is unnatural for us to be attached to religious doctrine. I ask you Muffin – why do you go to Jo and myself for advice and opinion when you know well we are both not religious?”

Her first answer was, “I don’t know, because you’re my friends?”

I said, “If that is all we are to you, then there would have been no point in this conversation.”

She replied, “What do you mean?”

I said, “Think about it. People of ‘faith’ are often vague in their ideas of their religious doctrine. When they are not, it simply means they have learned-ego to back themselves up. Most religious people have their own interpretations of what their written doctrine means. Everything from masturbation to sex to violence and marriage. I’m sure you have your own ideas as well. However, if religion as a whole means the absolute truth, then why isn’t the religion as a whole unified? If it was really unified, you wouldn’t be crying every time someone or something broke your heart. You wouldn’t even have been in that situation in the first place. You can argue that God has a purpose for you, but if you don’t know what that purpose is and all you do is put faith into that unknown purpose, then for sure as human beings, we will develop our own interpretations of the religious doctrines.”

She listened and I continued, “You came to me after you tried for a few nights, praying for answers from your Christian god, still sobbing, still depressed. What happened to you Muffin?! You’re supposed to be strong! What happened to that sexy independent young woman who graduated with 4.0 GPA? Now you’re coming to Jo and myself for advice? What happened to your religion? It’s supposed to be the absolute truth and purpose. If you have that, you don’t need friends. In fact, you won’t need advice and opinion from Jo and myself.”

I stopped my rant after that and she eventually softly replied, “I think I need religion to help me live through life, but I love him so much. He’s like you and Jo, strong in the inside, calm all the time, funny, silly, and he’s so perfect!”

I laughed and said, “I’m far from perfect, but that’s the thing you see? You just said a key word there – “need”. People of faith should not NEED their religion. In my opinion, people of faith only need to know how to live and how to grow with Life. If not to benefit others, then at the very least, to benefit yourself. He sounds great, like my brothers. I would hate to see you tear yourself apart because of religious differences.”

With that said, our conversation ended with a bit of cheering up and silliness of my side and a bedtime story for her, then a good night. Mind you, all of the above is not exactly what I said on the phone, but close enough.

I decided to post up our conversation and my thoughts, because another of my female friends went through a similar dilemma. It frustrates me to no end how religion is the cause of most wars, most genocides, most violence, most prejudice, most heartbreaks, most of every other negative aspect of Life. People has asked me before, “How do you keep your focus Li?” I tell them that Life keeps me in focus. To me, the idea of God is what Heaven and Life is to me. Being faithful to God, means being faithful to Life. Thus, I am faithful to myself. My conscience is clear. I do what I do because I choose to do them and not what written doctrine tells us to.

[laughs]

I think the only time I have thought of converting to Christianity was because Julia is so damn delicious and she only goes for Christian guys. Hahahaha! Alas, that passing thought and my schlong at the upright position died very shortly after. ๐Ÿ˜‰

6:31pm

PS: “The Muffin Game” is where a group of guys jerk off onto a muffin. The last guy to do so has to eat the muffin. Gross isn’t it?

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Ariel
Ariel
2007-01-07 9:08 am

I totally agree with your statement “Being faithful to God, means being faithful to Life. Thus, I am faithful to myself. “.I also don’t beleive in living my life by a set of rules interpreted by people many many years ago,most of them have left out vital history information to suit society,possibly to prevent anarchy.

Spongey
Spongey
2007-01-07 3:10 pm

*sigh* i know…

Hmmm, you know she did find you attractive in your own right too ๐Ÿ˜‰

Li
Li
2007-01-07 6:09 pm

“Attractive” as in silly, or “attractive” as in retarded? I once had a girl say she was attracted to me because I was retarded. I tilted my head sideways and gave her a “WTF?” look…

Mystery girl
Mystery girl
2007-01-08 12:53 am

Ouch – no way! Bet you are not in touch anymore!!!

Li
Li
2007-01-08 1:03 am

Well no. 8] It wasn’t a rejection mind you. It was more like a out of the blue thing. Eg: sitting at the bench out at night talking about random things and then BAM she says, “You know what Leeman? If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I would be very attracted to you in a retarded sort of way.” I think that was good cause for a “WTF?” expression on my face, don’t you agree? Ah well, whatever. I just came out of a 4 hour combination run of Upper Blackrock Spire and Molten Core Attunement in WoW. I have… Read more »

sUShi_sAMURai
sUShi_sAMURai
2007-01-08 1:16 am

i don’t understand how you can fall in love with someone who you don’t have the same “beliefs” as your’s…obviously they have similar beliefs….they’re just different in name only! So she just stopped seeing him eh? he must think she’s on crack! i know she’s your friend and all, but he’s better off without someone like her! what a retard!

Charlotte
Charlotte
2007-01-08 6:37 pm

that’s too bad for your friend. i also used to think like her, but when i met my man, i knew that being christian no longer works for me. love is too sweet. like ariel, i can totally relate to what you said about “Being faithful to God, means being faithful to Life. Thus, I am faithful to myself.รขโ‚ฌล“ nowadays, i still believe in God. i know God is out there and i think that’s all it matters.

Li
Li
2007-01-08 7:07 pm

Well it IS unfortunate. In the recent years, I’ve accepted four people into my closer bundle of friendships whom are Christians. One of which has been questioning Christianity as a religion and his faithfulness to God. Another whom is pretty hardcore into her religion, but really hard to not be frustrated with. A third whom I’ve ‘met’ through the net that is still Christian by concept, but has pretty much turned from hardcore doctrine to spiritual philosophy instead – which I have to applaud to Kari for turning a new leaf. She has indeed improved for the better. ๐Ÿ˜‰ The… Read more »

Samurai
Samurai
2007-01-09 6:07 am

Alright. I’m sorry for your friends dillima, but she needs to get her bloody nose out of the bible. Letting the perfect person for them vanish just because of religious beleifs is fucking stupid. I’m sorry Li, but I’m going to be completely blunt here, and this may cause hurt feelings with some people. She’s a fucking moron. Religion, in this case christianity, does NOT say that you can’t love and be loved by someone who is not of that faith. There are few religions like that in the world. Religions founding principle in almost any aspect is LOVE. And… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-09 1:02 pm

[sigh] In short, oh yeah… AND do not worry for the apologies. This board is all about getting the thoughts out, and it’s great to have your’s here for sure. It won’t wake most religious people up unfortunately, but it might make a small dent in their idea of ‘faith’.

Fong Pei
Fong Pei
2007-01-09 2:32 pm

some of you (i.e. Samurai) are definitely being way too harsh on muffin….in no way, shape, or form, is she a moron or an idiot or whatever adjective may cross your mind. she is merely confused right now as she is torn between two things that are really important in her life….which one is more important? well, that’s just a matter of opinion and personal preference. Most would say “her man, silly people!” Well, there are lots of people out there that view religion as the most important aspect of their life and there’s nothing wrong with that. Its their… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-09 3:54 pm

I agree with Jon up to a point. “Fucking moron” may be too harsh on the person, but I wouldn’t say that religion isn’t “fucking moronic”. The thing that pisses me off the most is that although there are many different interpretations and many different denominations of one religion, those same people have the tenacity to say it’s the absolute one and denounce all other faiths as fakes. Then those same people would do things that do not reflect the bible at all. In fact, they have the courage to say and feel that their faith is the absolute truth,… Read more »

Fong Pei
Fong Pei
2007-01-09 5:02 pm

Li, you’re starting to get annoyed again ๐Ÿ˜‰ while you know we see eye to eye on many things, there are 2 different arguments here….one is a) her choice to not be with her man b/c he’s not christian and b) the validity of Christianity. I don’t know all that was said in your conversation but from what you’ve written….it feels like she couldn’t be with him b/c she wanted a Christian man….she wants a guy her family and friends approve of. She never said she had to be with a Christian man b/c her religion told her to….Christianity, family… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-09 5:29 pm

Yes but we are hyprocrites not by saying that what we believe in are the absolute truth. We are hyprocrites not because we follow something blindly and say it’s the ultimate purpose, then go back on everything that we represent as human beings. We are hypocrites because we have flexible minds that can change with mood, desire, and tidbit influences. Religous people are hyprocrites because they solely believe in their absolutel truth and say it IS THE ABSOLUTE truth, then do something that doesn’t represent that absolute truth. As for the two different arguments – it’s true there are two… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-09 5:33 pm

And damn it, I’m getting worked up on this crap! I told myself last year that NO MORE RELIGIOUS BATTLES! I’m not battling here, but I am merely venting my frustrations over the last 2 and a half years that I’ve been keeping in. IT JUST DOESN’T WARRANT ANY SENSE FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ANY SENSE! You are calm in this state, as I am most of the time, but being faithful to Life, I just hate seeing and witnessing all this disgusting religious restriction on people! WHEN OBVIOUSLY it is NOT WORKING! RELIGOUS people make it work through force… Read more »

Fong Pei
Fong Pei
2007-01-09 8:58 pm

you see, the thing is, you are judging muffin’s beliefs based on your image of christians in general …. based on all of your frustrations of all the christians you have encountered in your life and bundled into a raging ball. that’s not really fair for muffin. As you know, Christians knowledge of Christianity varies very greatly from person to person. But that doesn’t mean their faith is any less. The entire religion is based on faith…so as long as she believes in God, then she is as a devote christian as any other….but she may not have nearly as… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-09 10:30 pm

First and foremost, as a Christian, isn’t it the DUTY of her pastor and her parents whom are probably christians as well, AND her peers that go to church with her SUPPOSED TO TEACH HER THAT?!?! I mean, it’s the basic concept of the bible – NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE of any kind, and DO NOT MARRY A NON-BELIEVER. I mean, that’s like saying to a policeman – “Did you know that you’re not supposed to let that bank robber go?” or “Did you know that you’re supposed to enforce the law?” Yeah, like it’s not obvious enough! Man, Muffin…… Read more »

Fong Pei
Fong Pei
2007-01-10 12:14 am

well, being brought up by my mom who was roman catholic, I had no idea such a verse existed until tonight….never knew a christian should not marry a non-christian.

there is so much to christianity that its impossible for her to know even half of what is mentioned in the bible at her age, unless she was uber-keen on bible studies.

Li
Li
2007-01-10 12:34 am

Exactly what I mean. You said it yourself, “there is so much to christianity that its impossible for her to know even half of what is mentioned in the bible”. Shouldn’t Christians get to know what their doctrine teaches before they venture out into the world? With this said, and in other words, the bible teaches its followers to believe in the bible, to not sway from god (which by the way, is not represented in Christianity IMO), and to not do this and that, etc, etc, so wouldn’t it be prudent for the followers of Christ to NOT move… Read more »

Spongey
Spongey
2007-01-10 2:14 am

First and foremost, to Fong Pei, “How DO you do it? How??” Now, as a Christian myself who has gone through this, here are my two humble cents. I agree whole-heartedly with much of what Fong Pei has already articulated. Muffin has to dig deep within the pits of her soul and examine what is most important to her. She is torn between two “loves” and must decide which precides the other. What kind of a role does Christianity play in her life? If it is one that pervades every aspect of her life, then it would be difficult to… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-10 2:23 am

It’s a type of weener. Would you like to try some? ๐Ÿ˜‰

And with that said, can we close this debate now? I was debating and debating and debating, waiting for Spongey to come on here to balance the damn thing out, and now that you’ve done it – awesome. I can go back to mbing with both hands.

I love playing the ‘devil’. I should make a game out of it. No, actually, I should make a comic out of it! That’ll be an idea!

Capt. Tabbyman
2007-01-10 4:08 am

Nah.. let’s just make a movie. I personally think this is a healthy debate and I felt really compelled to read all of the comments. It’s one of those questions that I myself have been questioning but have never asked. We’re all individuals and I strongly feel everyone has their own spiritual path to walk upon. I hope one day, I’ll be able to seek where ever my spirit guides me.

Li
Li
2007-01-10 4:15 am

You sound like a Druid in World of Warcraft or a Shaman in Zelda… 8]

And holy crap! WTH?!? You’re awake! I’m going to bed now… Zzz…

Fong Pei
Fong Pei
2007-01-10 9:51 am

Li, of course it would be ideal if all christians knew each and every ideal and teaching of Christianity. However, in reality, its far from ideal and religion, much like everything else like science, engineering, computer programming, etc, is a learn-as-you-go process. It happens to me all the time, when I’m working on a project and I’ve forgotten the most fundamental of ideas from my early engineering classes! This is the material is which all the advanced methods I currently used is based on, does this make me less of an engineer now? is my work compromised? As much as… Read more »

Spongey
Spongey
2007-01-10 10:36 am

Mmmm!! Are they like European weiners? I love them all crunchy and stuff!! Just need to lather it in mayo and ketchup and I’m good to go!!! :p

D’oh!!! I just realized instead of “Thou shalt marry un unbeliever”, I meant to write “Thou shalt not marry an unbeliever”. >

Spongey
Spongey
2007-01-10 10:38 am

And it got cut off again! :p Had more to post:

ps Fong Pei, it’s not an easy job but I’m sure you’re the best one to do it! You guys could have your own gas wars!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Samurai
Samurai
2007-01-12 11:13 am

This is what happen when I have to work. I miss out when someone addresses me, in a matter of speaking. And I still hold true with my thought that she is a moron. She lets one thing, which has been proven over and over again to be one of the stupidest ideas in history. See: Religion. corrupt her mind and heart. They preach love, yet act unlovingly. No where does it say you can’t or shouldn’t marry someone of a different faith. As Li pointed out, it only cautions against it, because such a union might hinder ones faith.… Read more »

Li
Li
2007-01-12 3:43 pm

You can always attach the bible to a stick and whack people around with them. I think someone hid his nudy pics of his gf in his cousin’s bible before. 8]

Samurai
Samurai
2007-01-12 10:15 pm

Gives a whole new meaning to the words “Bible Thumper”. xD

Spongey
Spongey
2007-01-14 7:21 pm

Samurai: None taken. As humans with free wills, we’re allowed to exercise our freedom of expression as well as freedom of religion.

Samurai
Samurai
2007-01-14 10:42 pm

Awesome! We are all one big happy group of Li’s friends. xD

We need a Muslim here to give us their take on this. That would be neat.

Li
Li
2007-01-15 1:58 am

No more! I think if we have an all-out religious battle here, it would kill my bandwidth. Did you know according to my site stats, the highest amount of traffic EVER was in the days this debate was being discussed?!?! I had almost 200 unique hits per day and about 500 to 700 repeat visitors each day in those days!