Social protocols condition people to come to a middle ground between the lowest level of tolerance for said subject matter, and the highest sensitivity of how one might be triggered by said subject matter. So in cases where I speak with a person other than myself and my dog, I must take into consideration the range of tolerance, as well as what is a possible trigger for them to react a certain way. This is how I perceive as ‘keeping the peace’. In other words, I don’t speak my mind out in public, the way I do with confidants, because my confidants know when I speak, the words may not necessarily reflect the meaning of my heart. Remember, our literary vocabulary is limited to what we know through reading things, but our knowledge is reflective of our thought process not restricted by words.
In short, my confidants hear my heart, regardless of the words I use.
Of course, everything comes in gradients since one should adjust to the dynamics of the various people in the vicinity, to aid in the productivity of the subject matter. Otherwise, you come off as any set-in-stone label given by common society because of the way you act, regardless of the company around you. A LOT of people are like this. They behave as if the entire world revolves around them, feeling entitled that this is the only way to go, because in their minds, “If they don’t accept me for who I am, then they can go fuck off for all I care.” This mentality is fine, if people around you are toxic abusive assholes, but this mentality isn’t fine, if people around you wish to ‘keep the peace’, and/or wish to form a dynamic where things don’t always have to be approached so seriously.
This is the reason I am turned off from people whom think of themselves as mountains of peak intelligence, who believe being absolutely right is better than being decent educators. As I got older, I have grown fond of educators who took their time to educate in a non-condescending way, and have grown to admire people like Neil deGrasse Tyson who will take the time to educate without ever putting a person down, even if the other person starts off being aggressive.
Anyway, decisions, choices, thoughts, feelings, and whatever related subject matter are all variables on a table of charts created for the sole purpose to categorize where they all belong in the social circles of humanity. In this regard, while many people cannot move pass what they deem as barriers in emotional discomfort, I am easily able to move pass these things because I don’t see things like this as a show stopper for continuance. I see things like this as one variable in a mass of variables – one possibility out of many at the same time. If I cannot drive from Vancouver to Ottawa, I can always take a plane, a train, a bus, ride with someone else, ride my bike there, or walk there. If I cannot engage Darya in X, Y, and/or Z, I still have A, B, C, and D, as well as the rest of the alphabet to contend to.
I think people shouldn’t shut themselves off to other possibilities, just because one or two of their most preferred possibilities are cut off. Then again, wanting to engage people in one specific way, doesn’t mean it’s the only thing I want to do. It really depends on a myriad of circumstances micro and macro, to help me connect, then reconnect with the possibilities, so long as the other person is willing, even through faults intended and unintended. Often times, we can all learn how to engage each other, without resorting to the tried-and-true social mishap of “Ah fuck it. Too much work.” In other words, sometimes, some people aren’t worth just letting go. Sometimes, some connections are so vague initially, so marred with negativity, that the ‘cost’ to reconnect seems like an infinite mire of soul-suckingness. However, I am that type of person, sometimes and I am sure, a lot of other people are like that too, for whatever reason they are as such.
Of course, there is always a balance. I am not saying you should give me a chance just because I am available. I am saying if you and I had a decent connection at one time, you should reconsider reconnecting with me. People don’t truly change. They do however, evolve when the circumstances able them to. Everything that made us deplorable and decent, as well as everything in and around those things are still with us in some form or another. It’s just that we’re also more than that now. We’re not just those things that made us disconnect. If the circumstances have been ripened, then the circumstances of our growth has also ripened.
Mind you, this isn’t saying that you should reconnect with indecent people that are toxic and harmful to you. This is saying you should give people who have turned their life around, a decent chance to reconnect with you. However, this is on the notion that both individuals are willing to use other methods in that reconnection. Otherwise, they might just fall the same way they once did and blame each other for the tried-and-true social mishap of “Shame me once, shame on them. Shame me twice, shame on me.” Well, perhaps it was because she chose the exact way to reconnect that you did when you connected initially?