Prior to Pascale’s visit, I propositioned her for a casual sexual rendezvous, clearly explaining that my wife and I have opened up our marriage to allow sexual and intimate encounters with other people. After Pascale’s visit, we went deeper into this topic, only to have her reject my proposition in the end. While the innuendo and teasing was fun, ultimately for me, it was a waste of time.
However, before I get into my own thoughts about all of this, I want to address a few things she told me on Whatsapp.
While we had a bit of fun talking about fooling around with each other, ultimately, she was always holding back, as to not take it too far. However, what she said here annoyed me a little. How could Pascale disrespect Amber, when Amber gave us her blessing to do so? It was Amber who told me to tell Pascale to ‘just get it over with’. It was Amber who put Pascale at the very top of the list of approved women I can have sex with.
The problem here is that Pascale forgets that this isn’t a one way street. I too, want Amber to have the opportunity to have sexual encounters with other men and women. So while the idiom, “have your cake and eat too” may apply to monogamous relationships and is a focal point of Pascale’s frame of mind, the reality is that between Amber and I, the world is our banquet. Amber and I get to keep our cake, while we discover other items on the menu such as pizza, cupcake, pasta, dim sum, escargot, so on and so forth. Each person that enter our life on any varying degree brings their own flavor and each of us will savour it.
So this is less about Amber being understanding of my needs, and rather, both of us have an understanding that it’s impossible for each individual to meet all of the things we want in sex and intimacy. Amber and I are the primary partners. That won’t change. We complete each other. Everyone else that comes into our lives complement each individual. They add extra flavour to our marriage.
This specific comment is backed up with context, which I will not expose here for obvious reasons. However, to address this, while on one hand, I am honoured Pascale thinks so highly of me, on the other hand, this is actually less about me and more about Pascale building up an image of a respectable relationship with me for her partner to see and accept. Personally, I don’t care whether her partner sees me as some respectable person or not. Unless the person knows me personally, I don’t particularly like to be put on a pedestal of high social morality, when I really am not. I have my own principles and ethics, but I am far from socially moral. Sure, on some level, I am because I must if I am to get along with other people in a general sense, but personally, my personal morals outweigh the morals of society. I am primarily driven by my own needs and wants, influenced by the winds of society.
Prior to Pascale having kids, she was definitely very horny. Sure, she didn’t have the same sex drive as I did, but she definitely wanted to fuck and get fucked. The only reason why she isn’t as horny these days, is because of her mediocre sexual experiences, on top of her life being filled to the brim with responsibilities. I am not saying her family life isn’t fulfilling, nor am I saying it’s bad. I am saying that she can be horny with the right person. Pascale can be horny with me.
Now, I want to extend my thoughts coinciding everything she has told me in person specific to this topic, as well as from the stuff we spoke about through Whatsapp. She mentioned that she had an intimate emotional connection with another woman for awhile. She also told me, while she doesn’t see anything happening between them now, after all the bullshit she went through with her, ultimately, there was a time when things did happen to some level and further things could have happened if those opportunities arose. So I contemplated on this.
Why was it that she was willing to engage in an unconventional relationship with this other woman, but won’t engage in a casual unconventional sexual relationship with me? I feel that the main reason why she would do it with another woman, is because the other woman has a vagina. Where as I have a penis. Since I have a penis and her partner has a penis, I am a direct villain of that relationship with her partner. Where as the other woman is literally almost every man’s fantasy – “Another woman?!” While being with that other woman and fooling around is still breaking a certain unsaid rule, ultimately, that would tend to be much more acceptable because which regular man with a regular sex drive wouldn’t want to have a threesome with another woman? I am not saying this will automatically happen if it gets found out. I am saying this is a common fantasy heterosexual men have of their partners. Though of course, most heterosexual men in monogamous relationships don’t fantasize about their partners with other men. So in this regard, having an unconventional relationship with me is infinitely worst than having an unconventional relationship with the other woman.
Though I digress. Sometimes if you want to keep your existing relationships intact, you must also have another medium for release. That is why people have multiple friendships, multiple hobbies, multiple outlets for release. Staying and doing one thing repeatedly for long periods of time will build up stress. Stress will create fissures in the important things, and those fissures will eventually break down the foundations that hold those important things together. Also, it’s not like we live so close to each other, that it’s convenient we see each other daily. The drive from where she lives to where I live is hardly a convenient drive. We see each other about once or twice a year! Why not make the best of the limited amount time we do have with each other?
No need to actively encourage me, Pascale. Just be willing and eager.
Pascale knows for an absolute fact that I will protect her well being and whatever we do stays between us. No one else, besides Amber will know. Even then, Amber won’t know everything because she doesn’t care to know the details and there is no reason to share everything with her, especially when she won’t be asking.
We know what we both can have. We know that at the very least, I will learn to touch Pascale the way she likes it. Pascale should also know that sex isn’t always about penetration. It’s primarily about the sexual connection. It’s about the physical touch that triggers the emotions and how they help us feel more in touch with ourselves. If I penetrate Pascale, sometimes it will be slow thrustful love making. Sometimes, it will be hard and fast. Most of the time, it will be a combination of things. If penetration alone cannot achieve an orgasm, then we use toys or our fingers to help achieve that. Penetration and the usage of toys would be to enhance the overall sensation. Of course, while I certainly want to pleasure Pascale, reciprocation is a lot better than one way pleasuring. I find that the best sexual acts are the ones where all involved want to pleasure each other.
However, pleasuring each other isn’t a balancing act. It’s a dynamic series of actions. Think of Yin and Yang. Sometimes, just being submissive is an act of pleasuring the more dominant partner. When Pascale and I had our intimate rendezvous, she portrayed herself primarily as the student and I was obviously the teacher. In this regard, the act of Pascale allowing me to freely explore and fondle her body is one act of pleasuring me. Of course, sometimes, I would enjoy it immensely if Pascale would take charge every now and then, like Cindy did whenever she was ready to cum. Cindy would ask to ride me, get on top, then grind/ride on me until she orgasmed. Now, I am not saying I am a sex god. With every new rendezvous, come new adventures, new mishaps, but in all of that, methods in which we can figure out what makes us tick and what doesn’t. So while I may have many more experiences, at the end of the day, some patience and a lot of experimenting will help us find the buttons that gives us that happy feeling.
Anyhow, I would like to enhance my friendship with Pascale with an extra helping of love and sex. Now, I am not asking her to love me. Love is a blanket statement to conjure multiple deeply connected ideals of friendship and intimacy. I just want Pascale to open herself up to me. Let us experience what we can give to each other. Don’t just say “I can’t”, because she definitely can. Let our personal desires take us where we are both meant to be.
Next time Pascale comes to my place, she will have a safe space to allow us to engage each other intimately. If one day, in the future, Pascale doesn’t want to continue our unconventional relationship, I will guarantee us a drama free exit from each other and I will guarantee that our friendship will stay intact. I will respect and accept her decision then. Until then, Pascale and I definitely need ‘us’ to happen.