Lisa finally came to see me a few days after she flaked out. She told me she was called to work the day she was supposed to come here. Why didn’t she just say so? You see what I mean by lack of clear communication?
After that, we had a few phone and text sessions. Recently, we talked about some very sexually charged things towards each other. Then the next day, when I brought up sexually charged talk again, she reminded me that she doesn’t want to talk about this sort of thing. Initially, I was quite angry, because I felt as though she was leading me on. One day, she could be super sexual, sending me pictures of her, and asking if I really want to see pictures of her pussy, then the next day, she would bluntly tell me she doesn’t want me to talk about that sort of thing.
So after calming down a bit, and before she read my initial messages I sent back to her, I deleted those initial messages and told her that I didn’t like to be lead on the way she did to me. I told her, “Let’s make this simple. How about we keep our relationship 100% platonic?” She initially asked whether it was a good idea to stay as friends. So I told her that as long as we communicate clearly what we don’t want in our friendship, and respect those boundaries, then we can definitely be friends. After a bit of a back and forth, she asked me why I care about her so much. Now, I know she is super insecure and that she has trauma from past betrayals and abuse. However, I don’t like things like this that resemble game-playing, but I also want to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Before I responded, I decided to wipe all of our previous chat messages, to start anew with our newly established friendship. Then I told her the following…
I might have mentioned this previously, but Lisa has told me she does want to have sex with me and does want to be my friend with benefits, if I was single. Basically, she fears that if we start having sex, then she will develop romantic feelings for me, and by then, for her, it’s a dead-end. From her perspective, she doesn’t want to share me with anyone else. While this is a legitimate reason, I also feel like she is stuck seeing our potential friends with benefits relationship, in a very narrow point of view. Anything can happen in the future, but one thing is for sure: I will not treat her the same way all those other assholes have treated her in the past. If she was in her 20’s, and maybe even her 30’s, I would understand the sentiment, but she’s 41. While she can find some ‘one-true-love’ or, some random fuck buddy, at the end of the day, she keeps meeting assholes. Her narrow mindedness, puts her into a broken record of relationship mishaps, in which she continues meeting assholes who disrespect her, and possibly never connect with someone who would love her again. She rather meet people who would use her, than to be with a friend who will respect her and love her body.
In short, she is the typical ‘traumatized woman who keeps going after bad boys‘ sort of case study. One of my other friends, whom I have told bits and pieces of Lisa to, has basically told me that I have pretty much dodged a bullet on this one. However, even if I did, I still feel like it’s such a shame that Lisa wants to give us up as potential fuck buddies, when we are clearly compatible in every meaningful way. Indeed, I initially gave up on the idea, but quite honestly, I am horny, Lisa is horny. We both have a lot of sex experience. That’s too enticing to just give up. Of course, the idea is almost always better than the reality. Perhaps her experiences are not as pornographic as mine? Regardless, from all that she has told me, she is heavily indoctrinated by society by how she should look like, what weight she should be, how she should dress, how she should behave, and what marriage should be – between two people. These should all be red flags for me. Perhaps I am a bit influenced by the fact I was once an asshole towards her, when we were both teenagers. I just wanted us to happen so badly, that I was willing to defy those red flags.
Anyhow, I cannot continue to think about the what ifs. Better to be productive and move forward with women who actually give me the right vibes, than to linger on with the what ifs.