Agata’s Silhouette

This is a revised entry, previously titled “Agata’s High Heels” published in 2020 and later, “Agata’s Naughty Pierced Tongue” revised in 2021. I decided to revise it even further to make it much clearer in my history with Agata, coinciding another recently revised blog entry titled “Plowing The Magnolia Fields“, on how it is impossible for me to not know how one feels about me, if they are normally quite okay with me. Specifically in these two examples, Marlene ‘hardly’ knew me for a few years, only meeting twice in person, though we spoke enough in the first half of this year, was initially fine with me telling her how I felt, but then did a 180 on me two weeks later. Where as Agata definitely did not know me until 2019 April, where we started our new friendship very suddenly, speaking nearly every day with each other, and I confessed my fuck buddy desires towards her barely four months into that, yet Agata was totally fine with it. With Marlene, I didn’t say anything explicit, nor lewd to her. I asked for permission to share some sexual thoughts, which she declined, then later, gave me a very negative reaction. With Agata, I asked her for permission to share my thoughts about her, and she was totally fine, and to this day, has not at all reacted badly. Basically, with Marlene, I had ‘crossed an invisible line’, which I would never have known, if she hadn’t reacted negatively after the fact. Where as for Agata, the invisible line simply never existed. Regardless, as a tribute to Agata’s beautiful naughty soul, I would like to revise this blog to reflect how I really feel about her, versus the horndog-themed blog post I had of her previously.

Agata and I very briefly spoke with each other online at Interpals from roughly 2014 to 2019. Other than commenting on each others’ photos occasionally and acknowledging each other on the forums infrequently, we didn’t really speak with each other until I went to Germany in April 2019. When she found out I was in Germany, she wanted to come meet me, but found out our distance was quite a lot farther than 200 kilometres. She lives in western Poland and my destination in Germany was in northern Germany near the Danish border. To this day, I still think it’s crazy how she would drive 200 kilometres to meet me, or anyone.

Anyhow, we spoke on Whatsapp as a combination of voice messages and text on a nearly daily basis for about seven months starting in April 2019. About four months into that, I confessed that I had a major crush on her. She initially thought I wanted to leave Amber and have a romantic relationship with her, but I clarified I wanted her to be my fuck buddy. I also assured her that I am definitely not leaving Amber. Agata was initially hesitant in outright rejecting me, as she feared that her rejection would mean the end of our new-found friendship. However, I assured her only emotionally immature people would be unable to be friends with people whom have rejected them. So she sighed a huge sigh of relief when our friendship stayed intact.

Note that after barely knowing her for about 4 months, I already told her in explicit detail how much I desired her sexually. Her best reaction so far has been giggles and acknowledgment. Other than that, she told me she has no issues with me telling her my fantasies of her. Mind you, after expending what I desire of her in two separate letters, I never again mentioned my lust for her after that. Sometimes, when Amber is sucking me off, I do have a strong desire to send her a message on Whatsapp, but refrain myself from it. Basically, it’s not fun if she doesn’t respond in kind. 😉 Though I did recently send her a photo of me fucking Amber doggystyle in purple and pink light, while her entire backside was glistening from the oil I smothered her bother with.

The reason our conversations stopped after seven months of daily chit chat, was because her mother passed away in December in 2019. By the end of 2020, we spoke with each other in spurts about once every two to three months, as she tried figuring herself out. She spent so long caring about her mom, while being in a constant state of anxiety. So while it was certainly a shame we no longer spoke with each other, like we used to, I also recognize that Agata isn’t the sort of friend that just disappears because we have a distance in communication. I find this is an issue with a lot of other people. However, Agata is very similar to me when it comes to how we relate ourselves with other people. We’re friends forever until there is a strong reason why we’re not.

Now, despite her rejection, like I mentioned earlier, Agata has no issues with me expressing sexual desires for her. As of this posting, she is the only friend that allows me to send her explicit sexual messages without judgment and condemnation. That is perhaps the result of our earlier interaction at the start of our new friendship in 2019, where she shared with me some details of her life, where she was surprised I didn’t judge and condemn her. In fact, she felt I was quite unique in that regard, where almost everyone she knew/knows would have had the opposite reaction than I did. I told her that I don’t fit in with common society and find most of humanity a major bore. So I think with that interaction, Agata and I have come to some sort of interpersonal understanding with each other, without the bullshit pretentious protocols of society. There is never a moment where either of us thinks of each other as ‘inappropriate’ coinciding our character and personalities. That is why I have such major respect for Agata. I see her as a fellow ‘vampire‘. I am not saying that Agata is the same as me. She’s still young and her outlook in life still influenced by how society railroads everyone into a specific acceptable routine, but perhaps in some regard, I see a lot of Agata in myself, when I was quite a lot younger. The difference being that in her 30s, she is the way she is because she is tired of shit. Where as when I was in my 20s, I was simply bored. Common society is so gauche. I don’t fault Agata for still heeding the ways of society, but at the very least, she is aware of it in some regard and thinks society is full of shit.

Anyhow, as I said, I imagine, whenever I would send her extremely explicit lewd notes to her, she would be slightly amused, but wouldn’t pay much attention to it, and as for me, it’s just me venting and she knows this. However, it’s more than this. As I said, we have developed a mutual acknowledgement and trust, even in our short initial correspondence, a solid trust that neither of us would bring harm and inconvenience to each other. With that said, it clearly and obviously means I won’t vent out my lust for her to the point it annoys her. Twice is enough, despite my consistent crush on her.

Mind you, I did have a very heavy desire to see a better photo of her wearing the black shiny stripper high heels I had sent her. Alas, it took her over a year to send a photo of that to me, and even then, it was just a photo of her wearing one of the high heels on her sexy tatted foot. It was ‘good enough’. She can only send what she is comfortable with, but more than that, it’s less about comfort and more about the fact she does not want to encourage my mental state in subconsciously thinking she has accepted my sexual desires for her in the sense she accepted my initial FWB proposal. In short, I am not White, tall, and hot. Thus she cannot adhere to my requests when sending such pictures. It would benefit her none. She did however, recently send me another photo of her in clear high heels – ones she wears while pole dancing. I cherished that picture, because it is not the same picture she posted on her Instagram. This one was ‘mine’. At least, that is how I interpreted it. At the very least, in our friendship, Agata has gifted me these images of her, and while it doesn’t show the whole of her beauty, it’s all I can really ask for and I will accept these gifts.

On a secondary note, I am aware that Agata has self-acceptance issues when it comes to how she feels about her own body, which is apparent in almost all of her Instagram posts. However, those are obviously uploads for her own pleasure, rather than for the sake of other men and women. While she obviously has desires for a short list of Caucasian men she has told me about, at the end of the day, I surmise she uploads what she does, as a sort of confidence reminder for herself. If other men that she has crushes on see them, of course, it might help her come to the mind that they might see her and lust after her. I don’t know for sure of course. There are degrees.

Anyway, it took me awhile to get to this point because it was only recently that I realize why I have such a major crush on Agata. Physically, Agata is almost everything I want in a woman. Lovely long dark hair, pale skin, big eyes, curvy body with lovely portions. Amber, my wife, has told me she would not mind engaging in lesbian sex with Agata. Which made me laugh because I immediately thought of something quite ‘inappropriate’ involving a Nazi uniform and a… Never mind? 😉 Mentally, I adore Agata. She’s a bit lost, but she’s not over dramatic. She’s certainly intelligent and while not well-read, she’s also not boring to speak with. Basically, she’s the female version of me without the temper and the experience. Of course, she’s also quite a lot hotter than me. 😉 Amber mentioned that it’s a shame Agata isn’t attracted to me, because she thought a triangle relationship with her would be interesting. Basically, finding the mythical narwhal (poly-unicorn-ish) is quite difficult, and having Agata’s mind the way she has it, means she thinks more like us, than how most of common society thinks. None of us are shepherds of society. Hell no! I do not want that responsibility, nor is it fun at all. However, I think it’s safe to say all three of us aren’t normal, and I don’t mean we’re your typical Instagram model self-proclaiming themselves to be ‘unique’ and ‘abnormal’. I mean we’re not socially driven. We live in society, because we have to, and we behave along with society, so we can survive in it. Of course, like I said, Agata isn’t like me in the sense that I actually dislike humans. ^_^

To be clear, I don’t find Agata sexy for the exact same reasons another horny man finds her sexy. I find Agata sexy because she is a demure vampire. I find her attractive because we have a mutual understanding and acceptance of each other, despite the deeds either of us have been involved in elsewhere.

I fantasize a setting where Amber, Agata, and I are sitting at a cafe as tourists, and then a fourth person joins us. This person asks how we all met, where Agata casually and nonchalantly answers, “Amber is Lee’s wife. I met Lee from a penpal site, who incidentally also met Amber from the same site as well. Lee wants to fuck my brains out. Amber and I ate each others’ pussies out this morning.” Which would prompt the fourth person to say, “Wow! Luckly Lee!” which I would interrupt in haste, and respond, “Correction. I had nothing to do with them. Quite a sad state of affairs actually.” In which Amber pats my head and says, “Aww, poor husband.” and Agata rubs my shoulders with the same sarcastic tone, “Aww, maybe in a next life.” Then I sigh and proceed to ask everyone where they all want to go next.

Such is life. I’m not even going to watch, because that’s just depressing. 😉

Regardless, fantasy aside, I wish I could get to know Agata more, but I think my initial friendship with her back in 2019 was more like a distraction to her worries than anything. I am not saying she wasn’t interested in creating that friendship with me otherwise, but like I mentioned previously, people like us tend to try to ‘kill multiple birds with one stone’. So whatever our initial nearly-every day communication resulted in, was a byproduct of what was. I think about Agata often, though not every day, but I think about her more often than I think about other of my friends, but I don’t reach out to her the same way anymore either. I guess, being penpals the way we have been can only go so far. Just like my relationship with Amber, if all we are, was just an online relationship, it could only go so far, before we hit a dead end. So it’s a shame that we live so far apart. I think besides wanting to tie her up and molest her large breasts in front of our living room window, while we casually watch a movie together, we could make a cool pair or triangle of friends. Amber and Agata could go exploring and take pictures, while I cook for both of them, awaiting their return home.

In short, my words have a lot less meaning today, than it was before. At least before, it was a familiar tune during a time when her mom was still around. Now, it’s just a faded shadow of a memory that has become diluted with time and new experiences.