Muses & Mishaps

Agata’s Silhouette

Agata is 10 years younger than me. Actually, she is about the same age as my wife Amber. Agata and I very briefly spoke with each other online at Interpals from roughly 2014 to 2019. Other than commenting on each others’ photos occasionally and acknowledging each other on the forums infrequently, we didn’t really speak with each other until I went to Germany in April 2019. When she found out I was in Germany, she wanted to come meet me, but found out our distance was quite a lot farther than 200 kilometres. She lives in western Poland and my destination in Germany was in northern Germany near the Danish border. To this day, I still think it’s crazy how she would drive 200 kilometres to meet me, or anyone.

Anyhow, we spoke on Whatsapp as a combination of voice messages and text on a nearly daily basis for about seven months starting in April 2019. About four months into that, I confessed that I had a major crush on her. She initially thought I wanted to leave Amber and have a romantic relationship with her, but I clarified I wanted her to be my fuck buddy. I also assured her that I am definitely not leaving Amber. Agata was initially hesitant in outright rejecting me, as she feared that her rejection would mean the end of our new-found friendship. However, I assured her only emotionally immature people would be unable to be friends with people whom have rejected them. So she sighed a huge sigh of relief when our friendship stayed intact.

Note that after barely knowing her for about 4 months, I already told her in explicit detail how much I desired her sexually. Her best reaction so far has been giggles and acknowledgment. Other than that, she told me she has no issues with me telling her my fantasies of her. Mind you, after expending what I desire of her in two separate letters, I never again mentioned my lust for her after that. Sometimes, when Amber is sucking me off, I do have a strong desire to send her a message on Whatsapp, but refrain myself from it. Basically, it’s not fun if she doesn’t respond in kind. 😉 Though I did recently send her a photo of me fucking Amber doggystyle in purple and pink light, while her entire backside was glistening from the oil I smothered her bother with.

The reason our conversations stopped after seven months of daily chit chat, was because her mother passed away in December in 2019. By the end of 2020, we spoke with each other in spurts about once every two to three months, as she tried figuring herself out. She spent so long caring about her mom, while being in a constant state of anxiety. So while it was certainly a shame we no longer spoke with each other, like we used to, I also recognize that Agata isn’t the sort of friend that just disappears because we have a distance in communication. I find this is an issue with a lot of other people. However, Agata is very similar to me when it comes to how we relate ourselves with other people. We’re friends forever until there is a strong reason why we’re not.

Now, despite her rejection, like I mentioned earlier, Agata has no issues with me expressing sexual desires for her. As of this posting, she is the only friend that allows me to send her explicit sexual messages without judgment and condemnation. That is perhaps the result of our earlier interaction at the start of our new friendship in 2019, where she shared with me some details of her life, where she was surprised I didn’t judge and condemn her. In fact, she felt I was quite unique in that regard, where almost everyone she knew/knows would have had the opposite reaction than I did. I told her that I don’t fit in with common society and find most of humanity a major bore. So I think with that interaction, Agata and I have come to some sort of interpersonal understanding with each other, without the bullshit pretentious protocols of society. There is never a moment where either of us thinks of each other as ‘inappropriate’ coinciding our character and personalities.  I am not saying that Agata is the same as me. She’s still young and her outlook in life still influenced by how society railroads everyone into a specific acceptable routine, but perhaps in some regard, I see a lot of Agata in myself, when I was quite a lot younger. The difference being that in her 30s, she is the way she is because she is tired of shit. Where as when I was in my 20s, I was simply bored. Common society is so gauche. I don’t fault Agata for still heeding the ways of society, but at the very least, she is aware of it in some regard and thinks society is full of shit.

Anyhow, as I said, I imagine, whenever I would send her extremely explicit lewd notes to her, she would be slightly amused, but wouldn’t pay much attention to it, and as for me, it’s just me venting and she knows this. However, it’s more than this. As I said, we have developed a mutual acknowledgement and trust, even in our short initial correspondence, a solid trust that neither of us would bring harm and inconvenience to each other. With that said, it clearly and obviously means I won’t vent out my lust for her to the point it annoys her. Twice is enough, despite my consistent crush on her.

Mind you, I did have a very heavy desire to see a photo of her wearing the black shiny stripper high heels I had sent her. Some time later, she did send a photo of her wearing one of the high heels on her sexy tatted foot. Then more recently, she sent me another photo of her in clear high heels – ones she wears while pole dancing. I cherished that picture, because it is not the same picture she posted on her Instagram. This one was ‘mine’. At least, that is how I interpreted it. At the very least, in our friendship, Agata has gifted me these images of her, and while it doesn’t show the whole of her beauty, it’s all I can really ask for and I will accept these gifts.

On a secondary note, I am aware that Agata has self-acceptance issues when it comes to how she feels about her own body, which is apparent in almost all of her Instagram posts. However, those are obviously uploads for her own pleasure, rather than for the sake of other men and women. While she obviously has desires for a short list of Caucasian men she has told me about, at the end of the day, I surmise she uploads what she does, as a sort of confidence reminder for herself. If other men that she has crushes on see them, of course, it might help her come to the mind that they might see her and lust after her. I don’t know for sure of course. There are degrees.

Anyway, it took me awhile to get to this point because it was only recently that I realize why I have such a major crush on Agata. Physically, Agata is almost everything I want in a woman. Lovely long dark hair, pale skin, big eyes, curvy body with lovely portions. Amber, my wife, has told me she would not mind engaging in lesbian sex with Agata. Which made me laugh because I immediately thought of something quite ‘inappropriate’ involving a Nazi uniform and a… Never mind? 😉 Mentally, I adore Agata. She’s a bit lost, but she’s not over dramatic. She’s certainly intelligent and while not well-read, she’s also not boring to speak with. Basically, she’s the female version of me without the temper and the experience. Of course, she’s also quite a lot hotter than me. 😉 Amber mentioned that it’s a shame Agata isn’t attracted to me, because she thought a triangle relationship with her would be interesting. Basically, finding the mythical narwhal (poly-unicorn-ish) is quite difficult, and having Agata’s mind the way she has it, means she thinks more like us, than how most of common society thinks. None of us are shepherds of society. Hell no! I do not want that responsibility, nor is it fun at all. However, I think it’s safe to say all three of us aren’t normal, and I don’t mean we’re your typical Instagram model self-proclaiming themselves to be ‘unique’ and ‘abnormal’. I mean we’re not socially driven. We live in society, because we have to, and we behave along with society, so we can survive in it. Of course, like I said, Agata isn’t like me in the sense that I actually dislike humans. ^_^

To be clear, I don’t find Agata sexy for the exact same reasons another horny man finds her sexy. I find Agata sexy because she is a demure faux-normie. I find her attractive because we have a mutual understanding and acceptance of each other, despite the deeds either of us have been involved in elsewhere.

Regardless, I wish I could get to know Agata more, but I think my initial friendship with her back in 2019 was more like a distraction to her worries than anything. I am not saying she wasn’t interested in creating that friendship with me otherwise, but like I mentioned previously, people like us tend to try to ‘kill multiple birds with one stone’. So whatever our initial nearly-every day communication resulted in, was a byproduct of what was. I think about Agata often, though not every day, but I think about her more often than I think about other of my friends, but I don’t reach out to her the same way anymore either. I guess, being penpals the way we have been can only go so far. Just like my relationship with Amber, if all we are, was just an online relationship, it could only go so far, before we hit a dead end. So it’s a shame that we live so far apart. I think besides wanting to tie her up and molest her large breasts in front of our living room window, while we casually watch a movie together, we could make a cool pair or triangle of friends. Amber and Agata could go exploring and take pictures, while I cook for both of them, awaiting their return home.

In short, my words have a lot less meaning today, than it was before. At least before, it was a familiar tune during a time when her mom was still around. Now, it’s just a faded shadow of a memory that has become diluted with time and new experiences.

1 thought on “Agata’s Silhouette

  1. Agata sounds like a cool cat. By the way your blog seems lighter. Did you remove some blog posts?

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)