Relationship Advice



In response to a guy’s trust issues for his girlfriend (LINK), I posted this answer:

Trust is a reinforced feeling of what we give to our partners, to allow ourselves the ease of letting go doubts about what they can choose to do. Trust isn’t something that you can tame by actively doing something. Trust is something natural and not enforced.

You cannot stop thinking about and expressing your doubts. For example, for my ex, though as questionable as her morals were, she assured me she never cheated on me, or would never cheat on me, as long as we’re together. It was very difficult to believe her, and as far as trust goes, it wasn’t whether I trusted her or not, but it was whether I could let go of my doubts of her. In the end, my trust for her was grayed, but I let go of the doubts I had about her. To the day we finally broke up, supposedly, she hasn’t cheated on me.

So what can u do? Just let go. I’m not saying leave or break up with her. I’m saying, let her go do what she wants to do. In the end, if she cheats on you, then that’s that. The relationship trial and error period ended in ‘failure’. In the end, if she ends up being your wife, have four kids, and becomes a great grand daddy X amount of years from now, then you can most likely by then forget about all this player/trust business haunting your mind right now.

Anyone disagree and/or would like to add to it?


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14 years ago

Is the problem where he doesn’t trust her or doesn’t trust him? It seems like he’s transferred his distrust of the guy onto her.

I think he has to look at his own issures of insecurity. What’s past is past and he has no control over any of it from before he met her. If this creep is still lingering around and he feels insecure, he can at least talk to his gf and let her know how it makes him feel. In the end, he has to trust that she’ll do the right thing.

14 years ago

Exactly, trust is really just a mindframe. I do believe it was his insecurity. I also do believe that most people, if not all people do have some form of insecurity at different levels. It’s just a matter of how well we handle our doubts and desires.

14 years ago

I agree,he needs to let go his fear of being abandoned by people he loves.Once you realise that a person is with you by choice,their choice,then life is so much better because if they leave you,then you know they left because they wanted to.
It can’t be a good relationship if he is trying to control and prevent her choices.

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