Self Reflection

Morphing Thru Time

Human beings are imperfect beings. So how do we define perfection?

Perfection is basically something that absolutely fits a specific standard. So in the case for humanity, someone can only be perfect relative to the perception of the beholder. However, there is no universal agreed upon standard for perfection. Therefore, human beings are imperfect beings.

I have had many intimate, romantic and sexual experiences since before I was a teenager. I have never felt disgusted by my sexual experiences, no matter how young I was. Unlike Jeremy, who had a sexual experience when he was about 8 years old, I liked my sexual experience when I was 9. Jeremy felt disgust and hate for what was done to him by another person, a girl who was a bit older than him. On the other hand, when a 12 year old introduced me to sex when I was around 9, I liked it.

My first sexual experience with her, was when she asked me to embrace her while role playing a made-up television drama scene. I remember I was quite inexperienced, duh. I stood there in the middle of her bedroom, next to the corner of her bed and she gave me instructions on what I need to do for ‘the scene’. Remember, in this game, we were actors and there was an invisible camera in the room, with the invisible director, script writer, etc. So I had to act out my part, along with her. In this scene, she walked into the room, while I stood staring out the window. I turned around and she wept, fell into my arms awkwardly and we stared into each others’ eyes. Then she whispered “Kiss me”. Which I did. Then it was a ‘cut!’. After that, she told me I had to take her to bed.

Let’s just say whatever most adults think about children being innocent, are idiots at best. I felt my first sexual arousal at age 5. I had my first sexual experience at age 8-9 with a 12 year old girl. When I was 16, I was having an on-off romantic series of encounters with a 15 year old girl. When I was 17, another 16 year old girl offered to give me a blowjob. When I was 18, that same girl I had an on-off relationship with, had sex with me, but our relationship never lasted due to major emotional instability from each of us. When I was 21, I fell in love with a 17 year old goddess. Through my perception, she was perfect in every way. When I was 22, a week after my birthday and after losing that girl in the previous year who actually loved me, but gave up on me, I met another girl who was 25 and we had a three and a half month fling. After her, it just snowballed into a series of short term romances.

Now, I am no Leo Chiang. That guy has a new girlfriend every week. Generally put, Leo is fit, muscular, has boyish good looks, who looks intimidating when he wants to be, has character and overall, a good guy with a generous libido. I on the other hand is nothing like that. I had perhaps, a new fling, romantic partner, fuck buddy or flirtationship on average once every three to six months. I was more emotionally attached to certain aspects of my relationships with women. However, my emotional attachments were the result of my overall outlook in life. Leo, in my opinion, is a no BS sort of guy. I wouldn’t say I was full of bullshit, but I did allow bullshit to happen in my twenties. I was super logical. I thought if we just do XYZ, then ABC result would happen. At the very least, if an alchemy for actions took place, then a combination of effects would happen. Of course, the reality is that it wasn’t so cut and dry. Human beings have emotions, ambitions, sensitivities, ideals, etc, etc, etc.

I was willing to work out problems. That is until my late twenties. By the time my relationship with Cindy finished in March 2006, I was so done with working out problems. At least, I wasn’t willing to go through the same bullshit I went through with Cindy. I met a lot of women from 2006 to 2010 and reunited with some old flings.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x