Self Reflection

Passage of Time

The problem with starting new entries, or actually, any entries is that I am always distracted by the lack of a good background song to help inspire my inner voice to speak up. So I just spent the last two hours trying to bum off various songs, which lead me to looking for a new WordPress theme, which lead me to other stuff, but every few moments, I always remind myself what I need to do and come back here. So this is actually a rewrite of a rewrite of a rewrite.

Before I set myself off onto another clickfest of song finding, I just want to welcome you to Revision 18 of You can read a bit about my thought process in how it suddenly became R18 here.

Firstly, I decided that I need to refocus how I do my blogs. So far, they were definitely Leemanism-esque. However, they were still lacking in substance. They weren’t meaty like they used to be prior to R11. Of course, I need to remove my blogs from convolution and long-windedness, but they also need to represent my inner voice fully and not partially. R16 and R17 felt like I was trying to compact my blogs into core fragments. I am not posting blogs for the sanity of Cynthia. I am posting blogs for my sanity.

Secondly, I decided to bring most of my previous blog entries back into the fold. I felt while it was nice for a time, to start anew, at the end of the day, I also felt incomplete. It felt like I was ‘cheating’ myself by hiding away from the past, even though that wasn’t my intention. I wanted a fresh restart, but realized after awhile that it wasn’t ‘me’. I am a hoarder of personal emotional injuries, self-inflicted and otherwise. It would be unwise of me to hide away that past, just to recreate those entries as a sort of future or current self-reflecting post. I needed those past entries to exist, so whatever I say now are held accountable, but more than that, I needed them here to let me see how far I’ve travelled and where I am now, as opposed to where I was back then.

In short, I need to do this before I further lose myself to some idea of what I think my words represent. In other words, I need to do the wholeness of my blogs, or don’t bother doing Leemanism at all.

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