The original title of the movie is called Marriage Blue, but grammar-wise, it doesn’t make sense since it’s a story about four relationships.
So earlier this morning, I happened upon this clip on Youtube:
Well, I clicked on it primarily because of the girl. She’s so delicious.
After watching a few segments of it and finding out it’s about mistrust and misunderstanding in the relationship, of course, I had to scroll through the comments to find the usual one-sided condemnations. Yes, the guy was wrong for spewing paranoia-induce vitriol, but she was also at fault for keeping secrets from him, no matter her intent.
The beginnings of any type of relationship, let that be romantic, friendship, a business partnership should all allow each individual involved to understand each other. This means the lines of communication should be opened. This also means it is each person’s responsibility to be sensitive to the way their partners communicate, thus their own comprehension on what is being expressed. As time goes on, those involved in that relationship would have formed a dynamic connection with each other. This means that no longer do people need to say as many words as they once did, because there will be a mutual comprehension of how each other function.
One of the people in the comments remarked that the guy’s paranoid behaviour is a red flag for a controlling abusive person. That this will be the same throughout the entire relationship. I disagree. As I said, all she had to do was be upfront in the beginning. The guy comes from a typical Korean middle-class upbringing, with a traditional mindset. He’s an older man. He is more set in his ways than most people of the younger generations. She’s beautiful. There will be some questions floating around in his head. So what better way to create a solid foundation for a relationship, than to be upfront about everything? To assure each other your intents? To show each other your desires and capabilities? In time, these things need not be said, because the foundations are already set.
Also, another thing that bothers me about her comments that she should leave him, is that by that same logic, he will never get into a relationship where he will be shown he’s wrong to think and behave the way he did. Most people have the ability evolve. If he was not given a chance to learn to right his wrongs, to evolve his emotional maturity, to grow himself, then in what other situation and environment can he do all of those things?
Society can be a very cruel medium to teach people how to be better versions of themselves, because society doesn’t teach. Society condemns. Condemnation is hardly a positive tool for change. It is more often than not, the reason why people become worst than they were. It is through the sheer power of the individual, the environment, the will that this individual can become better.
People like Roxy, is what perpetuates punishment over giving people a chance to become good people. Most of society is like that. Considering she received 46 upvotes for her comment, it’s quite apparent how most people feel about situations like this.
Now, of course, this has to be within context. Obviously if he was hitting her, being controlling, yelling profanities, then yes, she should protect herself and leave him. However, he was doing none of those things. At times, we also need to take culture, tradition and upbringing into consideration. While we cannot excuse people’s behaviours with those elements, we can at the very least try to understand their attitudes based on those elements.
To give you some relativity, I have abusive verbal tendencies that stem from how my father treated my mom, brother and I when we were young. This unfortunately has passed onto how I function as a partner in any type of relationship. However, it is through the sheer and amazing love my wife have given me, that I am able to evolve myself over the years. She does not deserve any of the abusive vitriol I have given her, but because of her incredible strength and empathy, she has taught me to be a much better man. She has helped me to become a more kind, more affection and more gentle husband. However, I do have some ways to go. I still do have an explosive temper. I can be cruel sometimes, but I am still learning and I am willing to keep trying.
So it’s important to note that how an individual functions, is also, sometimes, based on the dynamics of their relationships, as well as the partner they’re involved with. This isn’t true always, but it even then, it comes in varying shades on how we behave and the attitudes that persist through us by the people we surround ourselves with.