Thoughtful Nutmeg

Alas, the scary thought…

…is that the switch had been turned on to reveal this unstable aspect of my psyche. Damn it. Damn it to hell!

She was a reflection of me, except she poured her heart out to me and I just listened, unknowing that she is a reflection of me. The difference being that she wore her heart on her sleeve and I imprisoned mine deep inside. When she left, I felt nothing. However, what was left behind was an opened gateway to my heart. Now, my perception is way off, my ultra sensitivity boosted by the broken anchor and I am taking things out of context.

I cannot tell what is real and what is fake pertaining to me anymore.

I once had Albert to reconfirm my thoughts and feelings. These days, I managed so well up until this point. No one else can reconfirm my thoughts and feelings, as I once did for his and vice versa.

I don’t want to think these negative thoughts because I have an excellent imagination. Yet, the part of my logic that dictates possibilities and probabilities has been boosted a zillion times over. Damn it to hell!

With this said, I may have very well been reading everything wrong from the beginning. I want to say, “I don’t know what to do”, but all I have to do is think about it harder and I will find solutions.

My time has passed. Back in the day, it was constantly proven to me. These days, my worth is personal.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)