Thoughtful Nutmeg

An Old Conversation

An excerpt from my MSN conversation with Albert on April 26th 2005:

Albert says:

She said, “You mentioned that you wanted to walk behind me or beside me to prove yourself that I can rely on you…I think you did show that yesterday while blading/biking however, what I prefer is someone who travels NEXT to me, not behind me.” I wanted to ask you…. Why do you do that exactly? Walk behind all the time?

Chow Faan says:

behind you, behind Jon, behind Cindy? 8)

Albert says:

yes, in general, it doesn’t bother me, but i do notice it of course

Chow Faan says:

well, there is a good reason yes, give me a sec.

Albert says:

i always want to walk in front. Which is funny

Chow Faan says:

If I walk in front, I lose sight of everyone – if I take on a leadership role, I rather still walk beside at the most. When I walk behind, I never feel left behind, because I know where your hearts are. From behind, i see everyone, in case one day I don’t get that opportunity to see them again

Albert says:

that’s so fascinating, you should tell your next companion that

Chow Faan says:

ha, nah, that might just freak them out, hahaha

Albert says:

i walk in front because i want to be the first to deal with anything that comes in our way, like a front line unit of soldiers, You should have told cindy… sorry to bring it up again, but i can see why she thinks the way she does.

Chow Faan says:

i told this to one of Cindy’s close friends three months ago – that I see Cindy as someone I can watch from a distance, stop there and just observe while she does her own thing, smile, walk up to her and kiss her

Albert says:

She said, “There were a few times I was scared to go down some of those hills and would’ve wanted to hang on to your bike just incase I fall but you were always behind me, not next to me. What if I had fallen going down a hill? By the time you see me, you’d picking me up off the floor instead of being next to me so that I don’t fall.” i know she is speaking metaphorically here

Chow Faan says:

yeah i know, for the most part. You know Albert, Cindy doesn’t see me for who i am. Even before the incident with her mom, her mind was always too drawn in the world of linear thinking – logical versus metaphorical, or rather logic versus philosophical. You know me. I like details, though i always say they’re trivial. 8) I’m contradicting, but you guys always, or at the least, almost always see through the contradiction

Albert says:

yes

Chow Faan says:

but when she experiences my world, she only sees exactly what is there, and not what is holding those things together. Aside from my big mistake, i wished there was some other way, i tried my best for those month and a half.

Albert says:

Yes, but you didn’t compromise enough to let her see it. Next time you come across a situation where your GF asks you for some help or something seemingly unimportant but potentially relationship destroying……. call me or jon

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Disclaimer

Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)