Cocooning Myself

1:37pm

Seriously, having an entire work week of aches and pains, inconsistent sleeping patterns, fucked up dreams, and a realization that everything is boring, I thought I would get some good rest come this weekend, but NOOOOOoooooo…… I went to bed at 3am last night, and even then my brother was watching some movie in his room until around 4am, which then I knocked on the wall and he finally shut the hell up by 4:30am – that, or I fell asleep. Then at 5:00am, a warplane flew over. Oh yeah, I knew it was a fighter jet of some sort, unless our commercial airlines decided to fit their planes with engines that outputs that distinct sharp roaring jet engine sound. I blame His Royal Highness, Prince Harry. [winks]

Last night, before I moved onto my TBM project, I had a shot of JW on the rocks. Man, it’s been awhile since I had Red Label. Pretty nasty. Then again, whiskey can be really nasty after a long time, but the worst thing was that it didn’t hit the spot. [sighs] I should have spent the extra $30 to get a bottle of Black Label. Ah well. Once I went Black, I should have never went back… 8)

Anyone for Warre’s Warrior Special Reserve? It’s a really fine rich ruby Port wine. Back in the day, I would have a glass of this once every night or two. I cut down to about two shots once a night or two, then two shots per week, and eventually about four shots per month. It has been a long time since I got another bottle of Port. It ‘reminded’ me when my mom came into my room and asked to get rid of the two empty wine bottles on top of my shelf. Some people prefer Port with cheese and fruit, but I prefer mine with salty preserved fishies, cucumber, and carrots.

This reminds me of a time a few years ago when Jon came back from Ottawa and I got him a bottle of Warrior’s, but the year after, he brought it back with him. Bastard didn’t even open it. Instead, he came into my room, and ‘we’ drank almost the entire bottle in one night – 4 hours. Actually, we had Albert’s sake glasses, and every time I finished mine, Jon would pour more into my cup. He drank something like two cups, and I drank half a bottle. After that, never again did I drink Port with him. [waves fists in his general direction] NEVER AGAIN!

Mmmm… Extra japaleno meatball sub from Subway. Can’t go wrong with that. Yum!

So Michelle encouraged me to stop cocooning myself at home, in my room, and actually face my issues. I thought about it this morning since I didn’t really sleep. After my brother left and my dad left at the same time in another direction conveniently, I bursted out in laughter, then picked up my MP3 player so I can record a voice letter, but ‘coincidentally’, it ran out of battery before I could do anything. So I thought, “I’ll just hook my mic up and record via PC.” Then realized I no longer have my mic, BUT there is the headset mic that’s hanging beside me that I just remembered…

You know it was difficult to go up to three of my business partners and ask for some sort of commission for the hosting sales I brought them, especially when my design team relied on me as their voice – there was pressure there, and then the other half of the pressure came from the people who gave me work. Why was it difficult for me? Because I knew it wasn’t reasonable enough, and felt embarrassed for asking. Nevertheless, I acted as middleman and group leader and asked. I got rejected. After I got rejected, it wasn’t so bad because RT was still going to continue working with me, and I was still going to get paid for my work.

So why did I ask even when I knew I was going to get rejected? Because my design team wanted me to try. They had no idea that what I was thinking and hinting was accurate. They didn’t know me well enough to trust my word so simply. However, I had to ask because it is symbolized leadership to my team. I was expected to, because I represented their needs and wants.

However, as per Michelle’s suggestion, I’ll stop cocooning myself at home and get out more for sure, even in this pouring rain at 2:12 in the afternoon, I’m going to go out for a nice ride. It’s been awhile since I’ve had rain in my face while I challenge the down-pour of the Heavens upon my tiny body. As for the other stuffs, unlike the example I gave about me representing my design team, in this situation, there is nothing to represent. Like I said, I know stuff, either those things be ego or not, pride or not, etc, etc. I simply and utterly just know stuff. Stuff and things. [laughs]

What I really need instead, is a friend whom I can sit down with, have a glass of wine together, and talk about life, the world, politics of the sun and moon and the stars, and then go out for an early morning walk, as the sun comes up, take you to a nice place for some breakfast, then retire to bed.

2:20pm