Thoughtful Nutmeg

Counting out

I find myself catching the calendar dates every now and then. I think to myself: “Two weeks ago today, I left Germany and have arrived back home already. I would be sleeping at around this time.” Last weekend, I also thought: “Two weeks ago, Amber and I got married. One week ago, I left Germany. Three weeks ago, I was on a plane to Frankfurt.” I tend to do that a lot on things memorable and meaningful to me.

Whenever I am left alone downstairs in the kitchen where the calendar is, I would look back on the dates then realize it is still September. It is still the month I got married. It is still the month I was with Amber. It was only over two weeks ago that I was there. It was three weeks ago that I was there and there was still about a week left. I can’t help thinking that. I did that last year when I went to Germany in April 2012. Back then, when I went into her apartment for the first time, I even remarked to her: “I’m here!”

Now that I am back in Canada, I feel like a large part of my life is missing or rather, displaced. I wish I can have both places. I wish I can freely travel between the two places, but honestly, I wish I didn’t have to do layovers and train rides. I wish it was like Hong Kong: direct flight, then a train ride and a small walk. To Amber, it takes a flight to one of the other major Canadian cities, a layover flight to Frankfurt, then another layover flight to Hamburg, then a 1.25h train ride to Kiel. Otherwise, it would be a flight to a Canadian city, a layover to Frankfurt, then a 5hr train ride to Kiel. On top of that, domestic flight change to international flight means I have to go to the domestic gate in Vancouver, then switch over to the international gate in Toronto, then switch back to domestic in Frankfurt if I choose to fly to Hamburg. For Amber to fly here, she has a few better choices. She can go to Hamburg, layover flight to Frankfurt, then fly to Calgary, change over to domestic and then layover fly to Vancouver. Minus Hamburg, that was what I did in 2012 when I went to Germany and back to Canada.

Whenever I go on VSee or Skype with Amber, I try to catch a glimpse of her apartment and try to find something I have touched like her couch/bed, her coffee table, the top of the television, the lamp, etc. So I can get a visual reminder of when I was there. Eg: the top of the television was where I placed the camera battery charger. It fell off a couple of times and I had to pick it up and put it back on top. I felt it was a bit dusty. I remember her wall was rugged and white. Stuff like that. Unfortunately, these days, her apartment is always dark.

Anyway, for some reason, I feel really tired even though it’s only 9:35pm right now. Amber will be going to a family BBQ in Preetz Sunday morning. I hope to see some photos of her family event. ♥

Featured image by: Patrick Leung (

One thought on “Counting out

  1. Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say wonderful blog!

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)