Thoughtful Nutmeg

Do or don’t

For some time, I’ve maintained a certain relationship with someone. At one point, it grew to something uncontrollable emotionally, but calmed down quite a bit afterwards, like an orgasm. After a few months of silence, she popped up and we continued our friendship.

We had exchanged some intimate information with each other and even some intimate media, more so on my end than hers. After on and off pondering for awhile, I told her over chat in February not to send me any more intimate media on herself. At the time, when she asked me why, I was unable to give her a solid answer. I am unsure if she will read my entry here ever, but my answer is this:

There are various reasons I had thought up to excuse her lack of response, some of which had to due with trust, though she had tried reassuring me that wasn’t the case. Other reasons included past issues to do with a former lover possibly betraying her trust and thus, had affected all future possibilities. Another one would be that she felt we it was pointless. Etc.

Since this particular aspect of our odd relationship was completely lacking with unknown reasons, I decided one night while falling into sleep that I will choose for her to take away any future stress she may have with this particular thing. So in chat, I requested that she never send me nude pictures or videos of herself to me ever. She could still send ‘normal’ pictures, like road kill, tidbits of her as a gnome, etc, but no intimate pictures and videos.

This is reflective of the things I’ve been tackling with over the last couple of years. I despise ‘wishy washy’ things and am quite surprised at myself for being so tolerant of the various people around my life that are in this state of ‘wishy washiness’. It goes to how I do my work: either I don’t or I do. When I start it, I will finish it – so long as my part can be finished.

Do or don’t. Though this lack of tolerance conflicts with the emotional history and consideration factor.

Anyway, so I made the choice for her. This puts her at rest and this wipes away any feelings of ‘waiting’ on my end.

Unfortunately, I have also realized…

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)