Ignited

4:37am

Tune: “Ignited (Piano Version)” by Toshihiko Sahashi
Drink: Warre’s Warrior Special Reserve

However, to finish my bottle of Warre’s Warrior Port, I’ll have to keep entering some extra lingering thoughts before I really retire to bed.

Kanpai! Cheers!

One of my dreams is to travel to Japan and release both sides of my warring mind and heart into that sort of atmosphere. I wish to find peace and that is where I can find it. When I can travel there, it will not be because I forced entry into that territory. It is because I can afford it without having to destabilize my family’s security and welfare. If and when I travel there, I will be there for a long time. To others, I may be looking for myself, but to me, I am seeking to unify myself.

Another one of my dreams is to travel to Asia and enter into a cycling tournament. It would be interesting to ride with Patrick again in that format.

The other night, as I laid in bed trying to fall asleep, I thought that jewelry means nothing to me. I cannot comprehend the value of diamonds and gold and emeralds because to me, those are dead objects – objects that have their value dictated by their limited supply and the demand they have from people whom are interested in exploiting commercialized society. I find a piece of wood etched with words from a past lover or from a friend/family member an infinite more meaningful than a diamond ring, a gold necklace, and an emerald crown. Sure, it’s worth only as much as I can trade them in for cash which will be used to further secure and stabilize my family’s welfare, but that’s about it.

This of course, differs from cars and bikes. When I see a car like the McLaren F1, I see a vision fulfilled and the passion put into it. It might be worth a million dollars but in reality, there isn’t much that can replace it.

[pauses to reflect]

Logic. It’s a hard thing to live by. There are a lot of illogical things in this world, yet we exist still. Terry, I say this to you – I feel saddened that we must live in an illogical world. I feel grotesquely sick that I must continue to live in this illogical world. Of course, the human mind can only take so much. So I’m not really that bothered. Only when I think about it, that I am bothered.

Of course, you’re in my heart as others are as well. As Michelle mentioned, just because I don’t contact you, it doesn’t mean I don’t think about you.

I can’t finish this bottle tonight. I need sleep.

Ignited. It’s a nice tune. Did I ever tell you I used to create music back in the 90’s and early millenia? I wish I can again.

4:53am