Thoughtful Nutmeg


Mood: Tired
Drink: Sho Chiku Bai Sake
Tune: “Enough Love” by Mandalay


I had a MSN conversation with a friend just now. It ended negatively. In essence, she hung up on me. I sighed because she doesn’t realize my sudden dry humor. Which irritates me. I understand that can’t understand how I work and what my past is like. She could only piece things together with bits and pieces of what I tell her, glued together by her own thought processes and perception. I wanted to get mad at her, but in the end, I just sighed.

The friend I was in MSN with asked me if I would be ‘like this’ every time we talk. Looking back at my limited correspondence with her, we don’t talk about my thoughts every time. In fact, looking through my chat history with her, we’ve only talked about my thoughts twice. The first time was during my flu and tonight was the 2nd time. The reason why we talked about it tonight was because she asked me what I “woke up” from and I talked about solutions to problems and that lead to me saying that I know my problems, therefore, I know my solutions and she persisted in that it frustrated her that I don’t let anyone in, etc, etc. Yet, she asked me at the end if it was going to be like this every time we talk. I raised my eyebrow and thought, “We wouldn’t be talking about this if you hadn’t asked in the beginning.”

It’s irritating because she asked, I answered. That answer turned into a rant. She questions and criticizes that, then at the end, asked me if it would be like this every time? I wouldn’t be sharing my thoughts with her, about myself, if she did not ask.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)