Common society says “to love” means one has love for another, and wishes that person the best that can go their way, but their love has a caveat. Their love is passive. It runs in the background and little to no effort is made to maintain that love. Common society says “to be in love” means one’s desires for another is active. Where that person will do whatever is necessary to maintain that love in whatever regard they feel can be best expressed, as interpreted by their mental and emotional conditioning brought on by their upbringing, as well as environmental influences.
However, “to love” and “to be in love” are one and the same. The masses reinterpret these two aspects as two different things, to fulfill the perceived complexity of how they wish to express their emotions categorically.
Most people unfortunately believe love itself is an emotion. Most people think love is solely a strong connection between people. However, I digress. Love isn’t an emotion, nor is it a strong connection between people. When asked awhile ago, what I thought love was, I simply answered that love is a frame of mind. It is a calling. It is a conglomerate of emotions that react consistently and constantly to the thought and actions of the person of your affection, that meets a range of criteria set within the depths of your heart. That is why there is so much turmoil in many relationships, because people believe love is one thing and so they act upon their love for another based solely on that one thing. Most people are beholden to the idea that love is a complicated formula of emotional mathematics, but it really isn’t. Love is simply a vessel, a canvas that allows you to convert your strong emotions into an expression of communication. That is why love at times feel so frustrating, because we’re all so used to communicating with words, that we forget there is more to communication than just words.
Albert once asked, in a totally unrelated matter, would I rather have a relationship with a woman that can play an instrument or a woman that can sing. I told him a woman that can sing. He didn’t quite like my answer, as he hoped I would have a similar thought process as he did. He debated that a woman that can play an instrument will forever hold her tune, where as a woman who can sing will one day lose her voice. I told him that her voice is the one I will remember, even if her voice in her elder years fade, but it’s more than that. As I age, as we both age, my ears and my mind will continuously reinterpret her voice as ‘her voice’. The essence of who she is to me, would not be held onto the voice of who she was 20+ years ago. Rather, the essence of who she is to me continuously evolves along with our age.
Just as Agata had one day in 2019 decided to do one day by choosing to wear shorts outside finally, after decades of not doing so, I have decided that I should practice positive reinforcement, rather than give into the lifelong conditioning I had received from my temperamental and verbally abusive father when I was in my early 30s and prior to that. To simply put it, I know I haven’t been what I should have been and it is very hard not to give into those whims, but I can’t keep doing this to Amber.
Love is nothing without the action and frame of mind, no matter how one wishes to spin it. Don’t simply say you love someone, or you’re in love with someone, without properly communicating and connecting with that person. You’re all full of shit, and now, it’s time for me to stand by my principles and bend my conditioning to my will.
