Thoughtful Nutmeg

My Book of Journals, Prologue

I looked up some super old files through some folders I have copied over from various origins and came across an old diary titled “My Book of Journals”. I read through a few entries dated late 1997 and noticed a few names, song titles and emotions that have since become shadowed by other things in my life.

With that, I have decided to release those diary entries unedited into my blog with their original dates intact in the post. Also, I will be adding associated songs to the posts corresponding to the music I listened to while I had created those entries. It has been a long time since I included playable audio files into my posts.

[audio: 01_Almost-pure-harmony.mp3]

To start, I will past a ‘prologue’ from that diary:

It is not clear what I want out of life, but I am certain that I want to do something for life. Life is wonderful, and nothing can ever replace it. I cannot actually ask for anything more.


It is at these moments that I wish I had the same type of passion as I once had not too long ago. The words that are created with each key I press, are not nearly as ‘complete’ as the thoughts that pour from my mind. I wish there is a machine that can go into my dreams and visions, and record them as they are. Not only will this be a lot easier than re-writing my journals, but it will also allow those who read these journals, to have an exact image of my visions and emotions as they are.

Well, I guess I can’t complain about it. If machines like that existed, no doubt, there will be corporate and government structures out there that will try to use it for their own ‘selfish’ means.

I do not have a clear definition on how I wish to proceed with this, but at least I know that I don’t have to waste paper after paper – in reference to typewriters. What would I have done if I didn’t have a computer to help me?

So I guess this is how it begins then. I hope I will have the willpower to continue with this, and eventually end it somehow. These are the filtered versions of my own person journals. Many entries will not be entered here to save me from any possible embarrassment, but there will be enough to cater to those who might have a false representation of who I was and who I am now. Of course, this release of my journals have one dominant goal in mind. That is to make sure that my past and my visions do not die with me. In short, I do not want my ideals and my dreams to be buried with me. Whereas I am chained and shackled to the ground, I wish to have my mind free – at least free from me.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)