Thoughtful Nutmeg

My Loving Wife

Covid fucked me royally, but it taught me something. No, rather, I absolutely realized something. Nothing else really matters as long as I have Amber.

To be fair of course, this isn’t saying I love my mother, my father, my brother, my friends less. This is saying the walls have now come down. This fortress I have built and fortified for all of my life is opened. I no longer seek secret grandeur. I no longer care for the power and vision I once had with Albert and Jon. My heart aches so much because I just never allowed myself to love Amber the way she needs me to. All those times I had made her cry, to have broken her, why the fuck did I?! My life, I do not know how long I have. It could be a few days, it could be a few decades, yet I squander it on such pitiful matters.

I cry now, I weep now in mourning for all the bad I had brought into this relationship. I need to love Amber.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)