Covid fucked me royally, but it taught me something. No, rather, I absolutely realized something. Nothing else really matters as long as I have Amber.
To be fair of course, this isn’t saying I love my mother, my father, my brother, my friends less. This is saying the walls have now come down. This fortress I have built and fortified for all of my life is opened. I no longer seek secret grandeur. I no longer care for the power and vision I once had with Albert and Jon. My heart aches so much because I just never allowed myself to love Amber the way she needs me to. All those times I had made her cry, to have broken her, why the fuck did I?! My life, I do not know how long I have. It could be a few days, it could be a few decades, yet I squander it on such pitiful matters.
I cry now, I weep now in mourning for all the bad I had brought into this relationship. I need to love Amber.