Point Of Departure

1:00am

[“Gentle Rays” by Naoshi Mizuta]

What’s up with the influx of constant new entries lately? Haha, just a lot on my mind bottled up for far too long that should be about time to release them.

I was just thinking earlier that I’m not a very ‘good’ person based on societal standards. Of course, people can say that people in general has a darker side as well as a lighter side, and there are those who are just plain ‘evil’. I won’t say much here to expose myself to the general public, but I can say that…

Mhm.

[“Deionarra” by Mark Morgan]

Now this is a song that I haven’t heard for quite a long time. I forgot about this tune too. [nostalgic thoughts] I remember late evening, one summer, long slow rays through the curtain blinds, dust particles floating through them, sitting on the couch, facing westward, silence… This song wasn’t playing at that moment, but I remember it in my head while I stared into empty space, through the little holes on the blinds and out into the sky – the blue, yellow, and deep pink skies.

Though sadder times, I love that period in my life. Though shattered, I still felt whole – complete. I felt strong amidst soiled foundations. [grins] I have never felt lost before. I think even if I am broke, out on the streets, unrecognizable, I still won’t lose myself. It would be a choice – for whatever reason, only I would know for sure.

Everyone has their own reasons for becoming what they are and will. Some people tend to blame external influences, but it really comes down to how willing you are to make alternative choices. If you aren’t willing, then obviously, the tendency to put blame into other things will come up. Where as if you step back to analyse all the choices you made that lead up to this point, you will realize that only you can influence your now. Of course, I am brushing aside the concept of destiny and fate. I still do not believe you can change destiny or fate, but that’s a totally different subject matter I rather not get into.

[“Who Am I” by Peace Orchestra]

So Albert finally got his new used bike – oxymorons are one of my most common phrases to use. [bows] Guess what? It’s an Ironhorse Maverick from 2004. [sigh] “Ironhorse Brothers” he calls us. Fandiddlytastic.

What else?

[ponders for a few minutes while rubbing my fuzzy chin] I have been thinking about this over and over again. If Karma exists, then I must have quite a few bad ones. Maybe I’m still being punished slowly. [laughs] Maybe…

I’m also pondering whether I should restart my private journals again. All my past collections make up about 2500 single space, size font 10 pages. Hmmm… But what would the purpose be? Only Albert has seen the entirety of them. Tea girl and Cindy had glimpses of them. Jessica a bit here and there…

Reason I opened up a blog was to share some of my thoughts. Maybe get a discussion going occasionally.

[“Horizontal Departure” by Norman Feller]

Sometimes, I wonder if I am a good enough designer/sub-project manager for Razor.

Hmmm… BTW, how do you all like my new design for the site?

1:44am

ps: the title of this entry is to honor one of my favorite mods by Andrew Sega (Necros) back in the late/mid 1990’s