Thoughtful Nutmeg


I was never good at chess, though I would like to think I know more than just the mechanics. I played games against others where I was not aggressive enough against a sub-par opponent and ended up either losing too many pieces or getting into a stalemate. The game of chess seems to be a game of wits and pathways and despite what some of my friends believe, I seem to lack the complete wavelength of wit and path seeking. Like many things in my life, I have some of them, but not all of them.

It’s 4:00am, Wednesday May 29th, 2013 and I did something earlier that I haven’t done for about seven years. I laid in bed, in the dark with my ear buds in, watching various videos on YouTube. Mind you, I used a smart phone this time around. About seven years ago, I used an MP3 player. However, I didn’t just watch videos, I listened to music. Music that made my heart equalize and my mind calmer.

I laid on my bed just relaxing. I did it for about two hours. I had hoped that for retiring to bed just before midnight, I could get some sleep in, hopefully a full morning of sleep, but I knew I was fantasizing.

A necessity to detach myself from the society of the internet, the exposure that made me felt vulnerable even amongst friends because I knew that not even my friends knew things and even if they did, at least I believed they didn’t or knew little. It was a bit like the Big Bang, then a giant black hole. This is probably a bad analogy.

Anyway, I meditated my feelings into focus and found myself feeling a bit sorry for myself. So in my next entry will be placed in the Partially Fiction category. When you read it, you will know why.

And on that bombshell, I have a huge craving for a McChicken burger.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)