Thoughtful Nutmeg

Stray Cat

I have to admit, I am a little superstitious. My mom asks me from time to time, “Do you have hope for [insert things here]?” and I find that I cannot bring myself to serve and counter her worries. I can’t bring myself to say that I have hope for [insert things here] and I believe I can succeed in whatever I/we do. I cannot bring myself to say that because I had learned to let go of hope. This realization became refined as I aged but to pinpoint a date when it started, I would have to say it came about in the two years after the fall of my first company. The two years after that allowed me to abandon things that are meaningless in practicality.

As well, I find that I am taking things more ‘politically’ correct as I age. There are certain words and phrases I try not to use in conversation with others and I try to never repeat them with myself. “I hope” would be the biggest one. “This is gay” would be another.

The other night, I told a friend that there are things I need to do, but I found out soon enough that I cannot not be who I am. Rather, I cannot not allow myself to be who I am expressively. If I try to make myself more reserved and less expressive, I find it difficult to do. Of course, I can be reserved depending on company, but when I am not in the company of outsiders, I am who I am expressively.

Michelle might wonder, “Why would you try to stop yourself from being who you are?”

There are things I need to achieve in order to secure a few things in my life as it is coming. To achieve that security, there are things I feel I must define, as well, refine.

Yet, when I am alone, I am that person or when I am with someone with a like-mind or a like-heart, I am that person. Mood maybe? Excess venting? In many ways I want to stay like that person but there are things and people that are in my way and I can’t get rid of them.

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Disclaimer

Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)